


Winning Hearts

by pandorasv13



Series: Winning Hearts [2]
Category: DBSK|Tohoshinki|TVXQ, Super Junior, ZE:A, f(x)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, M/M, Mental Instability, Past Relationship(s), Romance, Unrequited Love, Workplace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-17 12:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 48
Words: 61,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/867372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasv13/pseuds/pandorasv13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day he left school was nearly the same day he entered the music production company and became Cho Kyuhyun’s new personal assistant. People told him they hoped for the best, knowing very well that every assistant before him had lasted at most one year – that one man was incredibly persistent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“You have an appointment with Mr. Jay Park at 9 A.M.”

“Mm.”

“After that, there’s brunch with the Lee brothers. They want to record a song with you and Mr. Kim Jongwoon.”

“Ah.”

“At noon, Mr. Kim Youngwoon and his life partner Mr. Park Jung Su have reserved a tea time at the country club.”

“Do a little spin.”

Ryeowook paused, glaring faintly at his boss. “Sir, I will do no such thing. Now, please allow me to finish reading you your schedule for the day.” Clearing his throat, he continued reciting, “The whole afternoon has been freed up in case Mr. Kim and Mr. Park wish to take you out for drinks or a late lunch.” 

The handsome, dark haired young man was lounging on the leather desk chair, lips turned up in a lazy smirk. “Why won’t you do a turn? You’re wearing such nice pants today. I want to see you from behind.”

“That’s sexual harassment,” he answered without missing a beat. “Please refrain from speaking to me like that, Mr. Cho.” Ryeowook glanced back down at his planner, frowning softly as he tried to find his place again. His eyes lit up when he found it, lips pressed together in an accomplished smile. “As I was saying, you have dinner plans at 7:45 P.M. with Mr. Kim Kibum. He’s the young actor you agreed to interview. Then, starting at midnight, you have late night recording for your new album.”

Cho Kyuhyun yawned, standing and walking over to his personal assistant. “Call up Seohyun, and invite her to golf.” 

“Understood,” Ryeowook nodded, scribbling the note into his book. Looking up at his boss, he bowed once and carefully followed him out of the office. Once they were in the waiting area, Ryeowook headed to his desk, only to feel a hand close around his wrist, pulling him back. Stumbling a little, he turned to look at Kyuhyun. “Sir?”

“You’re really cute, Ryeowook,” he remarked, smiling, “do I tell you that a lot?”

“Every day, sir,” he responded. 

“And how long have we known each other?” 

“Three years.”

Kyuhyun chuckled, letting go of him slowly. “I really haven’t gotten tired of you in all that time? That’s amazing. You must be an excellent worker.”

“Have you been drinking again, sir?”

“No, I have not,” he huffed, “At least, not much. I may have had a drink or two last night.”

Ryeowook rolled his eyes, sitting down in his chair and pulling the phone from his pocket. Entering Seohyun’s number, he turned on his Bluetooth and waited for an answer. 

Catching the male’s chin, Kyuhyun tilted that face up, winking, “See you later, cutie.” Then he disappeared through the sliding glass door. 

A high, fragile voice rang through the speaker and Ryeowook grimaced. His voice, however, did not betray him. “Hello, this is Kim Ryeowook from Mr. Cho’s office. I’m calling on behalf of Mr. Cho who wishes for you to accompany him at the country club for tea time at high noon.”

“Oh, of course. Tell him I can’t wait to see him,” she stated quickly, sounding like she had just been told that her life depended on her appearance.

“I will inform him, Miss Seohyun.” Ryeowook really didn’t understand why she was so against her real name. The woman refused to be addressed by anything but her stage named, actually. “Have a good day.” Then he ended the call, turning to his computer. 

Barely ten minutes had passed before Ryeowook shot up, fumbling with his planner. Cursing under his breath, he hurried out of the office and down the hall, calling the driver out to the front door. He stepped into an elevator just as it was closing, breathing a sigh of relief. 

Most of the time, he was rather on top of things, but the one problem he always had was Friday schedules. They were so bothersome because everything seemed to happen on the one day that Ryeowook just wanted to fall into bed and sleep. Kyuhyun was kind enough to give him the weekends off, but that’s to be expected when he worked such hectic hours. 

Climbing into the backseat, he opened up his book, skimming over his daily “Reminders” list and calling out the first thing he saw. “Take me to the dry-cleaners,” Ryeowook told the driver, not looking up from the paper. 

A minute or so passed and then the car was rolling forward. 

 

Reminders for October 28th:   
Pick up dry-cleaning  
Get a car wash  
Pay the housecleaner   
Pick up newly ordered computer monitors  
Buy anniversary presents for Uncle and Auntie Cho

He smiled a little, closing the book and leaning his head back against the leather seats. It had never been a subtle thing. The day he left school was nearly the same day he entered the music production company and became Cho Kyuhyun’s new personal assistant. People told him they hoped for the best, knowing very well that every assistant before him had lasted at most one year – that one man was incredibly persistent. 

As terribly cheesy as it sounds, Ryeowook really did put his all into keeping the job. His livelihood depended on that salary and without it his entire family would end up on the streets. Ryeowook had barely noticed when Kyuhyun’s life was his life. Every part of his day was accounted for and it seemed as if Ryeowook had been the only person stupid enough to end up trapped as a servant to the man named Cho Kyuhyun. 

“We’re here.”

“Thank you.” He stepped out of the car, shutting the door before entering the dry-cleaners and smiling at the familiar old woman standing behind the counter. “Good morning, ahjumma,” Ryeowook greeted. 

“Oh hello, dear,” she chuckled softly, walking over to the rack of pressed and cleaned clothes. Pulling out a set of about three suits, she handed it Ryeowook. “How is your husband doing?” her sweet, frail voice asked. 

Smiling off the mistake, Ryeowook bowed to her and took the clothes. “Kyuhyun is my boss, remember?” He laughed gently, handing her a few bills before turning around and walking towards the door. “See you in a few days, ahjumma!”

“Yes, yes…,” she mumbled absently, watching him go. Her lips were still spread in a sweet, tired smile. From the backroom, her husband came out and she looked at him. “That dear boy…he is little Kyuhyun’s wife, right?” She frowned suddenly, seemingly confused by her own words. 

The old man nodded slowly, hands clasped behind his back. “Something like that…”

 

“Hmm…can I see the other ones?” Ryeowook looked up from the diamond necklace in front of him. Pulling out his phone, he checked the time, surprised to find that it was already half past ten. 

Dialing, Ryeowook turned on his Bluetooth, waiting quietly for an answer. He didn’t have to wait long though as Kyuhyun’s deep, sweet voice replied, “Hello, sweetheart.”

“Are you on your way to brunch?” he murmured while inspecting the new necklace brought out. It was much less gaudy than the last one, but there still seemed to be one too many diamonds. “The Lee Brothers said they would have someone waiting for you in the lobby to drive you back and forth.”

“Yes, I’m already in the car,” Kyuhyun drawled, chuckling, “don’t worry, Ryeo-ah.”

“Does auntie like more or less diamonds?” he asked, holding up a delicate necklace to the light. Ryeowook pouted softly. 

Kyuhyun paused and then said, “She likes gaudy things.”

“Hmm…alright. And your uncle wants that silver cigarette case, right?” 

“You know our family so well, yeobo,” he teased. 

Ryeowook huffed and set the necklace down, pointing to the original, thick diamond coated accessory. The worker nodded, taking the others to put away. “Stop that. We’re not married and this is borderline sexual harassment again,” he complained, leaning back against the glass case, waiting for the employee to package the present. 

Kyuhyun simply laughed. “Did you schedule a date for their anniversary party?” 

“I sent an invitation to Miss Im Yoona,” he responded, “You should be expecting a call from her by tonight or tomorrow morning.”

“Yoona again?” he sighed, “She’s horribly boring. Did you know she doesn’t know the first thing about Starcraft?” 

Ryeowook cracked a smile, stifling his laughter. “Yes, I know. I’ll try to find a woman who likes video games next time.” Mouthing a thank you to the employee, he handed her a credit card and slipped the velvet box into his black bag. No, it was not a purse.

“Thank you. I’m entering the restaurant now, so I’ll see you…when?”

“I’ll be at the office all afternoon finishing up paperwork and returning calls,” Ryeowook stated as if it were natural. “I already picked out the suit you’re wearing for your dinner with Mr. Kim. There’s also a set of clothes and polished golf clubs laid out for your tea time.”

“And you’re still denying that you’re my wife?” Kyuhyun scoffed. “Oh please, yeobo, just accept it and send me pictures of you in those pants.”

Slamming the door to the car, Ryeowook ended the call, not bothering to answer the teasing. He sighed and told the driver to head back to the office. It really was ridiculous of Kyuhyun to continue his teasing. They were associates and maybe friends. Ryeowook wasn’t crazy or immature enough to think that there was a possibility for them to fall in love. 

Besides, he glanced down at the silver bracelet around his wrist. Ryeowook smiled affectionately at it, lips parting in silent words.


	2. Chapter 2

 

A deep, lulling voice spilled through the recording equipment. Ryeowook sat beside the producer, his eyes focused on the mesmerizing performance of his boss. No one else could see him working so hard and with so much passion. Normally, the face Kyuhyun displayed to the world was one of nonchalance.

At these times though, when he worked seriously, Ryeowook could only once again accept this man. If Kyuhyun had been treating his work halfheartedly, then bearing his neediness probably wouldn’t be all that easy.

“Here you go,” Ryeowook held the water bottle up to Kyuhyun when the latter stepped out of the recording room.

Opening his mouth with a chuckle, he let his assistant tip the contents into his mouth. Kyuhyun swallowed and backed up. “Do you think people will get tired of another ballad collection?” he asked.

“You’ve never heard your voice, sir, no one will get tired of it,” Ryeowook said with a small laugh. “Are you done for the night?”

Kyuhyun nodded, taking his jacket from Ryeowook and heading towards the door. “Let’s go. It’s already late.”

They walked in silence through the studio and then finally back to the car. Once inside, Kyuhyun nearly collapsed, head falling onto the smaller figure’s shoulder. He breathed an exhausted sigh, hand resting on the other male’s thigh.

“I guess you don’t want to hear your schedule for tomorrow, huh?” Ryeowook mused, resting his head atop the other’s, and smiled.

“Shut up,” he muttered, laughing deep in his throat.

“It’s okay, Kyuhyun,” whispered Ryeowook, “We’ll be home soon.”

Soft, warm breath blew across the shorter male’s throat and collar, “Finally off-duty?”

“Mmhm…,” he hummed.

Kyuhyun tilted his head up, eyes dark and quiet. There was a long moment of hesitation, his lips curving in a slow smile. Then he inched forward, pressing their lips together, fingers threading through Ryeowook’s hair. Leading him into it, Kyuhyun kissed him once more, lingering. “You let me kiss you…hold you…take you places…so why won’t you admit we’re lovers?” His voice was serious, barely veiled by indifference.

“Because we aren’t lovers,” Ryeowook responded, pulling away from the intimate space. “Isn’t that simple enough?”

The smile faded. “He’s gone. How many times do I have to say that? He’s already gone, so why won’t you let go of him?”

Ryeowook wasn’t fazed though. Looking out the tinted window, he saw the car pulling up to the apartment high-rise. “We’re here.” Pushing the door open, he climbed out and started towards the building. Behind him, he could hear Kyuhyun’s racing footsteps catching up.

A hand closed around Ryeowook’s wrist, jerking him to a stop in the silent lobby. Kyuhyun locked their eyes, pain searing his own deep eyes. “You can’t just avoid this forever. He’s already gone now,” Kyuhyun said in a hushed voice, “He’s not coming back, Ryeowook.”

“Does it make you feel better when you stomp on me?” he asked softly, yanking out of the male’s grip, walking to the elevators.

Kyuhyun raked fingers through his hair as he stepped into the elevator as well, turning to look at his assistant. “You know that isn’t the case, so stop trying to change the subject. It isn’t healthy for you to continue pining after someone you can’t have.”

“I’ll always have him,” Ryeowook replied, holding the silver bracelet tightly, eyes downcast.

“You don’t even realize,” his voice was low and contained, “how much I want to tear that bracelet off of you every day.”

He didn’t say anything, just kept holding his wrist.

Kyuhyun clenched his fists. “I’m actually _here_ , right _now_ and you won’t even look at me. I’ve been right next to you for the past three years, but I just can’t compare to him, can I?” he spat.

Sighing, Ryeowook watched the numbers rise as they headed for the top floor penthouse. They had this fight at least once a week. On a good day, Kyuhyun would just let it go, but it seemed like he wasn’t in the mood for brushing it off. Ryeowook looked over at his boss, flinching a bit when he saw the vehemence in his expression.

“I still don’t understand what you see in him. He had no money, he had no outstanding qualities, and he was just…nothing.”

Ryeowook had heard Kyuhyun spout worse things about the man. This was barely scratching the surface of his cruelty. Staying silent, Ryeowook heard the final ding and knew they were at the top finally.

Unlocking the front door, he strode out of the elevator and into a spacious, oval-shaped apartment. Floor to ceiling panels covered the wall directly across from them. The door was shut and locked behind him. Ryeowook gazed out at the city lights, relaxing into the warm, strong arms that wrapped around his body. “Kyuhyun…,” he murmured, resting his head back against the man’s chest.

Lips moved against his throat and shoulder, fingers popping the buttons of his shirt slowly. “You tease me like this, even though you won’t let me have you?” he whispered, voice fragile. Kyuhyun let the button down slip of Ryeowook’s shoulders and then he hugged him closer, arms tight around that slender abdominal. “I’m in love with you and you always seem to feel the same way. So why aren’t we together?”

Ryeowook’s chest tightened, eyes lowered to the floor. “You have had me before…”

“Not like that,” he sighed, “you already know what I mean.”

“Think of it like this,” he began faintly, “If I was him, and you were me. Would you really let go so easily?”

Kyuhyun was quiet. When he finally spoke up, he said, “Then see it from my perspective. I’m trying to compete for someone’s love, but my competition is a dead person.”

“It’s like having no competition at all.”

“Or it’s like a futile attempt,” he scoffed, resting his chin on Ryeowook’s shoulder, “I can’t win.”

“I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Tell me you want to be mine.”

“I can’t.”

“Then there’s nothing you can tell me.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Ryeowook awoke in the morning, sunlight streaming in through the translucent white curtains of Kyuhyun’s bedroom. The bed sheets were familiar Egyptian cotton. He felt the taller male’s body pressed against his backside, both arms tangled around his waist. Soft breathing filled Ryeowook’s head and he smiled, playing with the overly long sleeves of the shirt he had worn to sleep. It smelled like his boss, sort of sweet, but mostly rich and intoxicating. Closing his eyes for a brief moment, he imagined what it would be like if he really did accept Kyuhyun.

Every morning, when he woke up with that body protecting him, cradling him, he felt his resolve crack bit by bit. It would be so easy to just let it all go and be with Kyuhyun. They were already living together, sleeping together, eating, working, vacationing…as much as Ryeowook denied it, they really were married.

No one else knew him as well as Kyuhyun did, and vice versa. They were a natural born pair, yet every time he came close to saying that he would let go of the past, the past came back to haunt him.

Disentangling their bodies, Ryeowook sat up, closing his eyes to try and steady the world. Everything was spinning and he needed a second. Getting up after a long minute, he shuffled to the bathroom, the edge of Kyuhyun’s night shirt brushing against the bare skin of his thighs. Yawning, Ryeowook closed the door behind him and started his morning routine.

 

_Morning Schedule:_

 

_Take a shower_

_Brush teeth_

_Wash face_

_Get dressed_

_Put on makeup_

_Do hair_

_(It’s really not as feminine as it sounds…)_

_Make breakfast_

_Wake up Kyuhyun_

_Check the news_

_Read over the day’s agenda_

That morning, they were having traditional Korean food. Recently, Kyuhyun had been eating too much Italian and quite honestly, his stomach hadn’t been sitting well with him. Ryeowook was getting tired of going out to buy medicine for the man. They would be going on an all Korean diet until his stomach was regulated again.

Walking back into bedroom, he saw Kyuhyun starting to wake himself up. Chuckling, Ryeowook climbed on top of him, brushing the messy hair from his face. “Wake up, Kyu,” he smiled.

“Mm…,” he mumbled, pinching his eyes shut and trying to roll away, “I don’t wanna…”

“I made breakfast already, though,” Ryeowook argued playfully, pinning the taller man down by sitting on his hips. Pressing the palms of his hands into Kyuhyun’s chest, he shook him a little. “Get up, get up!”

Kyuhyun groaned, pushing the smaller male off of him. “You’re so annoying,” he growled, stumbling out of bed, slamming the bathroom door shut.

Ryeowook just giggled though, hopping off of the bed and heading back into the main room. The sun was rising over the city, devouring the pale blue of dawn. Sitting down at the breakfast table, he pulled out his phone, skimming over the headlines before closing that window and pulling up the schedule for the morning.

Twenty minutes later, Kyuhyun came out of the bedroom looking relatively put together. His hair was made, his clothes were on, but his tie was crooked. Ryeowook stood up, walking over and correcting it. “The food is ready, so eat before it gets any colder.”

“Why don’t you wake me up before you make breakfast?” he mumbled.

“Because I have to do other things,” Ryeowook responded, smiling when he got the tie to the perfect position. Brushing his hand over the silk material, he nodded softly and looked up at Kyuhyun. “Miss Im Yoona—”

He shook his head, kissing the shorter male to shut him up. “We still have an hour before we’re in office mode. Don’t you dare try talking about work.”

Ryeowook closed his eyes, sighing under his breath. “Alright,” he sat down at the breakfast table again and started eating.

“Good,” Kyuhyun stated firmly, taking his own seat and beginning to eat. He looked across the surface, eyes warm with something tender. “Where do you want to go this year for Christmas?”

“Paris, maybe?” he murmured.

“Do you have anything you want?”

Ryeowook shook his head no. “Anything is fine.” He glanced out the panoramic windows again, imagining what the skyline would look like when snow began falling. It was still the last week of October, but soon enough it would be November and then December. Snow would be pouring down on their city.

“There’s a new restaurant I want to eat at tonight,” Kyuhyun remarked after swallowing a mouthful of food, “Do I have any dinner plans scheduled?”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk about work yet,” he teased.

The dark haired male grimaced. “Just tell me.”

“No, you don’t have any plans,” Ryeowook chuckled.

“Then will you go eat with me?”

“You’re going to get pudgy if you keep eating heavy food like that,” he scolded, receiving an annoyed glare. Ryeowook set his bowl down and laughed a little, reaching across the table to touch Kyuhyun’s hand. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. We can go out to eat.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Kyuhyun laced their fingers, refusing to release Ryeowook as they finished eating one handed.

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

They strode through the office building, talking as they went. Ryeowook had his planner open, reading off the daily schedule as usual. “You have a meeting with the board of directors at 10 A.M.”

“Huh.”

“Then you’re going to lunch with Miss Im Yoona to discuss the anniversary party tomorrow, that is, Sunday. She’s expecting a ‘long time no see’ present, which I have already put in the car.”

“Has it been that long?”

“It has been two weeks. At 1 P.M. you’re expected back here to sign some papers and interview some interns.”

Kyuhyun frowned, “Aren’t they supposed to go to human resources?”

“They want to talk to you personally. Afterwards, you have to return calls from yesterday and then you have the rest of the night off.”

They stepped inside Kyuhyun’s office and immediately the door was shut, Ryeowook’s back pressed against the wood paneling. “Please be sure to make those reservations soon for our date,” he smiled smugly, tipping his assistant’s chin up.

Ryeowook swatted him away, pouting. “Stop that. I’ve already made the reservations for 8:30 P.M. I have to run errands, so if you’ll excuse me.”

“What errands?” he prompted, following Ryeowook around the waiting area of the office.

Pulling up the correct page, he pushed the planner at Kyuhyun and then began rummaging around his computer desk, searching for some packages.

 

_Reminders for October 29 th: _

_Pick-up new tailored suit_

_Get black leather shoes polished_

_Send out thank you letters_

_Collect rent money for mountain villa_

_Book tickets to Paris_

“How come I’ve never seen this before?” Kyuhyun’s lip twitched up, eyebrows high and arched.

“Because you told me once that my planner scares you,” Ryeowook answered, collecting the thick stack of thank you cards and slipping them into one of the pockets of his bag. “It’s just gotten scarier, I think.”

The man nodded carefully, “Yes…very scary. I wonder how I would ever get everything done if you didn’t exist. I didn’t even know about half of these things. When was the last time I went to the villa?”

Ryeowook plucked the planner from Kyuhyun’s hands, closing it and tucking it into his bag as well. “Three summers ago when we first met. Now it’s already 9:45, so you need to head to your meeting. I’ll see you later, sir.” He bowed once and then walked out of the area, leaving the door open behind him.

A moment later, someone appeared in the threshold, a funny little smile on his lips. “Your assistant is as busy as ever. I don’t think I’ve ever had a casual conversation with him.”

Kyuhyun walked towards the male, smirking. “Yeah, he’s always busy. Even I can’t speak casually with him around here.”

The pair walked down the corridor, headed to the board meeting. “When did you start spending time with him outside of work? Oh wait. What a silly question. He practically works for you twenty-four-seven. Do you even give him vacation time?”

Kyuhyun was itching to say that they were practically married. And that, in fact, they vacationed together every year. Ryeowook’s parents knew him and invited him to stay with them. The only real problem they had was that despite all of those things, Ryeowook was in love with a dead man. “Yes, he gets vacation time, Changmin,” Kyuhyun responded, “it would be illegal if I didn’t give him any.”

“I’m rather surprised that you haven’t gotten a pretty girl to be your assistant. Yeah, Ryeowook is cute and all, but I’ve seen you go out with those models. Secretarial duties aren’t too difficult, so why don’t you ask one of them to work for you?” Changmin questioned, “I know you’re hard to deal with, but if they can handle sharing a bed with you, I’m sure they can handle taking your phone calls and shit.”

Now, how was he supposed to say that he had a thing for that one cute boy? Kyuhyun shrugged off the question. “If you’ve seen how crazy I drive Ryeowook, you’ll understand why one of those bimbos would never be able to handle it.”

“It can’t be that bad,” he laughed.

Kyuhyun looked at him sharply.

Changmin stopped laughing. “Maybe it can?”

“Mmhmm,” he muttered, pushing the door to the conference room open. “Trust me. I didn’t even know how bad I was until just this morning.”

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

Ryeowook washed his face in the bathroom, staring at his reflection for a long moment. The bags under his eyes were noticeable now as his make-up faded. It felt like a mask was being removed as he watched his tired features come to the surface. There was slight reddening around his cheeks from running around all the time, and his lips were a bit dry from lack of water.

_“You’re beautiful.”_

Blinking a few times, he tried to shake the voice away, but it stayed steady. Ryeowook watched through the mirror as an all too familiar figure leaned against him, chin resting on his shoulder.

 

_“Don’t worry so much about your appearance. You’ve already lost too much weight.”_

_“I’m finally smaller than you though. Isn’t that for the best?”_

Laughing to himself, he continued gazing at the faint image locking him softly in place.

 

_He made an annoyed sound, lips brushing softly against Ryeowook’s neck. “You lost fifty pounds in half a year. That’s not healthy at all. I loved you when you were a chubby kid, I loved you when you were a pudgy teen, and I still love you as you are now. Why do you have to look at yourself and not see what I see?”_

Ryeowook shivered, biting back the urge to cry. Pursing his lips, he opened his make-up bag and started reapplying.

Tonight was his dinner with Kyuhyun. It would be impolite and sloppy to go there looking like a train wreck. The phantom had vanished though, leaving him in bittersweet silence. Ryeowook finished cleaning himself up and quickly left the bathroom, headed down the office hallway towards the lobby.

A black car waited beyond the glass revolving doors. Kyuhyun rolled down the window as Ryeowook neared him, opening the door for the latter. “What took you so long?”

“I was just finishing up some things,” he responded, locking the door behind him, before immediately having an arm wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him into Kyuhyun’s chest. Ryeowook’s hand rested against the smooth shirt, other hand bent and pressed against his own body.

Kyuhyun lowered his gaze to look down at the face of his assistant. “You look sort of tired. Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Ryeowook answered, casting his eyes down. He felt so small and protected whenever they were together like that. Then he had to remind himself that they were not lovers, nor would they ever be.

They rode in silence, mumbling to one another from time to time. Kyuhyun could feel the stiff atmosphere and knew he was helpless. It had to be that man. He was the only thing that ever threw Ryeowook off-kilter. As horrible as it sounded, Kyuhyun was jealous. Why couldn’t it be him that made the man unsteady? He wanted to be the only person and thing that brought dishevelment to the meticulous man’s life. Instead, there was a deceased person dragging Ryeowook away from their private world together.

“We’ve arrived, Mr. Cho, Mr. Kim,” the driver announced as he opened the door for them.

Kyuhyun helped the slender male out of the car, continuing to hold his hand as they passed through the gold double doors. The hostess was waiting promptly for them, a polite smile plastered on her face. They passed by other whispering dates, however neither of them made a point to notice.

After several seconds, a thick red curtain was pulled back to reveal a private table. “Here you are sirs,” she stated, handing them menus, “Your server will be here momentarily.”

The curtain rustled and shut. Ryeowook opened his menu without really looking at it, eyes foggy with something old and sad. Curling his hands into fists, Kyuhyun resisted the urge to lash out at the man he had fallen in love with.

They were on a date.

They were supposed to only see each other. But no, Ryeowook was somewhere far away, probably remembering a date with his precious lover. Kyuhyun knew, really he knew, that he was being terrible and disgusting and disrespectful. And somehow, he could deal with all of that. It had been three long years and still nothing had changed between him and Ryeowook.

That first time they slept together, became intimate, touched in the deepest way possible – Kyuhyun thought that was the beginning of a whole new relationship. Even if they were not in love immediately, eventually, Ryeowook would fall for him.

Yet again, he was thrown off by the course of events.

Ryeowook just…didn’t care. The next day at work, nothing had changed. They were still just boss and assistant. At first, Kyuhyun had been angry and hurt, but over time, their relationship continued on that intimate path outside of the office. After another year of waiting, he discovered that over the course of time, Ryeowook had somehow moved in with him.

Obviously, that meant they were dating – probably on an entirely bigger step too. Kyuhyun wanted to thank the world and then laugh with the world about how it had fooled him. However, the disappointments were endless. He waited and waited for Ryeowook to return any of the “I love you’s” he had dropped, but nothing ever came. The closest Kyuhyun ever got to hearing those three words from the other male was when that same slender man was drunk and saying that phrase to everyone, including strangers.

Another year passed, and still, nothing changed. Kyuhyun had become fed up with all of the nonsense and asked for the full story behind the person holding Ryeowook back. The latter refused and simply told the bare minimum. At that point, three years had already passed. Kyuhyun still didn’t know much more than the fact that Ryeowook was in love with a man.

That man died. Ryeowook couldn’t betray him by falling in love with Kyuhyun.

And so, once again, they were at an impasse.

“What do you feel like eating?” Kyuhyun questioned, skimming over the menu.

Ryeowook set the menu down and pointed at a particular dish. “Do you want to share? I heard that it’s incredibly big.”

“Okay, yeah we’ll do it your way,” he responded, smiling a little too big. Kyuhyun could already see their date crumbling before his eyes. How long would it be before his feelings could be returned? Maybe they would never be returned. Maybe it was futile. Maybe… Sighing, Kyuhyun took Ryeowook’s hand, entwining their fingers. “I love you.”

There was a short pause, and then Ryeowook was smiling silently.

Kyuhyun internalized a sigh, the pain in his chest being ignored. That was alright. In another three years, perhaps his feelings would be returned. Sometimes though, he wondered if he could hold out that long. He wasn’t patient, then again, he had already spent the last three years pining after Ryeowook…another three wouldn’t be so bad.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

_Kyuhyun,_

_I’m going to be gone all day._

_I figured that if I waited to tell you in person you wouldn’t want me leaving your side before you wake up. That’s why I’m already gone._

_I’ll see you later._

_Enjoy your auntie and uncle’s anniversary._

_Ryeowook_

A long time ago, Kyuhyun recalled him being the cold one, not the other way around. Since when did he wake up in bed alone without the comforting sounds of Ryeowook humming around the penthouse? Better yet, since when had Kyuhyun become accustomed to living with someone else?

Crumpling up the note, he threw it into the garbage and began getting ready for the party. He was a little late, but it didn’t matter. Yoona couldn’t yell at him, and neither could his extended family. They were in his debt whether they liked it or not.

Kyuhyun closed his eyes under the spraying water, smiling a bit. It was moments like that when he suddenly thought, “There’s always a chance.”

Truly, he believed that one day they would end up coming together. They were so close to reaching that point and Kyuhyun refused to give up. There was no particular reason for his sudden surge of belief. Adrenaline just found its way into his body and told him that, indeed, there’s always a chance.

 

***

 

“I can’t believe how long it’s been,” Ryeowook breathed, lying down in the soft grass. There was a weather worn grave marker beside him, along with a bouquet of flowers. He inhaled deeply, body thrumming with lazy energy as nostalgia swallowed him up. A powerful gust of wind rushed over him, welcoming him home in a way. “It’s nice to be back…even for a short while,” he whispered.

Rolling onto his side, he touched the gravestone, smiling faintly at it. “I haven’t been around since our last anniversary…I’m sorry.” Ryeowook’s gaze lowered, still able to catch sight of the changing color of the leaves. “I love autumn,” he murmured, “because then it’s always sunset. It’s always our time of day, isn’t that right, Hyungsik?” There was another strong wind and the silver bracelet rattled.

_Do You See What I See?_

He caught sight of his own reflection and just smiled wider. Pressing a gentle kiss to the bracelet, Ryeowook flopped back onto his back and closed his eyes in exasperation. “I live for Cho Kyuhyun these days,” Ryeowook stated, somewhat gloomily, “I didn’t even realize that until just now when I thought about calling him and checking if he was doing okay. It really seems like I’m not even able to have a life anymore.”

Gentle fingers rolled through Ryeowook’s hair and his entire body relaxed into the touch. _Do you even want to get away, though?_

“Yes, I do want to get away, Hyungsik,” the older boy frowned, looking up to see a shadow of a figure under the sunlight. “Or…well,” Ryeowook bit his lip, not wanting to lie to his deceased husband, “I don’t know. He and I…are we already in love? I feel as if we are. We do everything together, everyone thinks that we’re married…shouldn’t I just give in?”

The phantom smiled. _If you’re scared, don’t push yourself…if he really loves you, he would wait until the ends of the earth. You continue waiting for me in the same way, don’t you?_

Ryeowook shut his eyes, fingers clenching tight. “I promised you my love. How can I just toss all of that aside for one man? You were my world until the day you died.” He tried to cling to the air, to the ghost his mind so often conjured, but it wasn’t working. “I can’t let you go,” his voice cracked, teeth gritting together. “…I’m afraid to tell you goodbye.”

_I’m not asking you to say goodbye. Do what you feel like doing. That man cares about you, you know that. Love him or hate him, it doesn’t matter to me._

“You wouldn’t care if I fell in love with someone else?” Ryeowook argued, ignoring the self inflicted pain forming in his chest.

_Maybe the heavens thought our love was too perfect,_

_So they’re sending me back sooner than expected._

Ryeowook covered his face, feeling the phantom slowly receding into space. “’How could two people be more perfect for each other? I ask myself this every morning that I wake up next to you… Just what makes us…us? Why have we lasted this long? I won’t label us anymore though. I don’t want to ruin the magic. I love you, gorgeous,” he recited with the utmost precision.

_That’s right. I love you, gorgeous._

And then, as he surfaced from his visions, Ryeowook turned to look at the cold, lonely gravestone. “You’re never going to call me that again,” he whispered, “I’ll never hear your voice vow those things ever again.” He buried his face in his knees, already too old and too tired to shed painful tears.

 

_I won’t pretend that we’re going to be together forever._

_I know that in my heart we’re going to be forever bonded…_

 

“Did I really mean those things?” Ryeowook muttered, eyes glazing over. “Were our wedding vows just desperate little prayers? Had we been children when we said all of that?” He ran his fingers over the grass absently, his eyes focusing vaguely on the worn down apartment building in the short distance.

“It’s way too desperate if I go down there, huh?” he laughed bitterly. “I’ve been thinking about buying the complex back. I’m making a lot of money these days, but it’s at a price, I guess.” Ryeowook closed his eyes briefly, jaw clenching.

The sound of children running and laughing caught his attention. Sitting up, he looked down the hill to the entourage of kids racing by. They looked so familiar, yet not at the same time. Ryeowook watched them for a while, just long enough to realize how pathetic he was. It was too hard to do those visits. It was just a convenient lie to say that he had no free time to come all the way over to the grave. Instead, he couldn’t bear to look at his own reflection after slumping into such a mess every time he stopped by.

What sort of person acted like he loved someone else, all the while rejecting that person? He wasn’t stupid. He knew that Kyuhyun was waiting patiently for him. Three years of waiting was long enough, or at least, Ryeowook often heard from Kyuhyun that that was long enough.

But was it really?

He sighed, playing with the grass rustling around him. “Tell me how I’m supposed to love someone else,” Ryeowook whispered, “tell me how I can let go of you after three years. Tell me how I’m supposed to fall in love with someone else.” His fingers trembled with frustration, eyes shutting angrily. “ _Please_ …,” he ground out, voice choking, “…three years is nothing. Kyuhyun isn’t you. He’ll never be the boy I have loved for fifteen years. He’ll never by my first kiss, touch, or husband. He…,” Ryeowook bit his tongue, not wanting to say anymore, even if it was only to a cold grave.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

“Where were you all day?”

The penthouse was quiet and dimly lit. Night lights streaked through the glass windows, painting a beautiful contrast with the cream colored furniture. Kyuhyun had had red furniture originally, but Ryeowook had convinced him to change it because that was too vibrant of a color for everyday couches.

Setting his keys down on the counter, Ryeowook shrugged off his jacket and bag, walking over to the man drinking a cup of wine. “I was visiting someone,” he answered, smiling faintly as he leaned over to brush the messy locks out of Kyuhyun’s face. “How was the party?”

“Who were you visiting?” The look in his eyes was half-pleading, half-angry and Ryeowook tried to brush it off, but then there was a hand clamped around his wrist, pulling him forward.

He caught himself on the edge of the couch, gaze locked with Kyuhyun’s. “…My husband.”

“Why?” he prompted, cursing himself for sounding like such an ass every time this subject came up.

Ryeowook shook his captured arm. “Today is our wedding anniversary.”

“And when is our meeting anniversary?” Kyuhyun asked almost too quickly. He loosened his hold on Ryeowook, fingers sliding down to rest on the boy’s hips, face tilted up slightly.

“August 15th,” he answered with hesitation, “Kyuhyun, can I ask you something now?”

He nodded slowly.

Ryeowook touched the man’s face delicately, eyes dark with grief. “If I hurt you this much, why don’t you just get away already?” He attempted a small, bitter smile, “I thought I was getting better, but I’m not. When I see his grave…and I see that I left him behind…I can’t…I can’t do this.” Tears trickled down his face, features crumpling as he felt himself pulled tight against Kyuhyun’s body. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry…,” he choked, “I don’t know what to do, K-Kyuhyun…”

“Tell me about him,” he murmured, resting his head against the crook of Ryeowook’s neck. That tiny body was shaking horribly and all he could do was hold on tighter in hopes of making it stop.

It took a few moments for Ryeowook to collect himself enough to talk properly. His eyes were tired and red, heart racing. “…He was kind…too kind,” he whispered into the fabric of Kyuhyun’s shirt, “…and he always looked out for me.” Ryeowook took a trembling breath, a tiny smile breaking through the restless sobs. “A-And…when we lived together, nothing mattered. It was just us and we could pretend that nothing would change…” He laughed, fingers curling into Kyuhyun’s sides, “And…I knew it would happen, I was there for all of it, but I didn’t want to believe it. He died right before Christmas.”

Ryeowook ground his teeth together, trying to suppress the urge to keep crying. Guilt festered in his stomach, polluting his mind and plaguing his blood like nothing else ever could. It was that final memory of Hyungsik that drew his heart into that chained up box. He tried to open his mouth to talk about it, but it didn’t work. His voice caught in his throat and he closed his mouth, feeling coldness seep into his skin.

Kyuhyun wasn’t sure if he was happy or not that Ryeowook was confessing so many things about his past. This had to be the first time he had seen the meticulous man breakdown so severely. Normally, he was indifferent to any remarks made about his late husband, but apparently that wasn’t the case on that day.

“What about your wedding?” Kyuhyun mumbled, muscles having subconsciously tensed while listening to Ryeowook’s vague descriptions. He could feel it coursing through his veins. It was that unspoken, terrifying emotion that warned anyone and everyone that a certain incident shouldn’t be torn open.

Ryeowook noticeable relaxed at the slight change in subject. His grip loosened on Kyuhyun and he swallowed hard. “We flew to America…and there was no one around but us. The church was beautiful and small…we exchanged vows and then we went home to tell our parents what we had done.”

“Were they mad?” Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow.

The man laughed softly, turning his head to look at Kyuhyun. “They were upset that we didn’t invite them.”

Scoffing, the latter rolled his eyes and smirked. “Not very traditional, I see.”

“Well, we had been together for fifteen years,” Ryeowook smiled, “it’s to be expected that we would end up eloping someday.”

Kyuhyun nearly choked on air. “What do you mean _fifteen years_?” he caught his breath, eyes wide, “How old are you, Ryeowook?”

“No, no,” he laughed, shoulder shaking, eyes lightening up, “we were only married for a few months…we’ve known each other since I moved next door to him when I was five or six.”

Mocking a sigh of relief, he leaned closer to the other male, knowing then and there that he really had to be a fool in love. He always thought that hearing Ryeowook talk about someone else so tenderly would piss him off, but it didn’t seem like he was able to get mad in this situation. In fact, Kyuhyun hated to admit it, but he was falling even harder for that expression on Ryeowook’s face.

“I…won’t tell you to forget about him anymore,” he said softly, earning a surprised flurry of emotions to pass over the slender man’s features. Kyuhyun closed his eyes, re-opening them as he said, “But I want to see you talking about the deceased with a smile on your face. I…still don’t know how much he really means to you, but no one would want someone they love to grieve for their entire life.”

“Then what are you saying?” Ryeowook murmured, “Are you going to fix me?” he half-joked.

Kyuhyun made an annoyed sound, saying, “Yes, I am going to fix you. I don’t care anymore if you fall in love with me,” he had to pause then, shocked at his own resolve, “…I love you and this is the only selfless thing I will ever do in my life. We’re going to get all of your feelings out and you’re going to properly express yourself because I know that if I was the one who died, I wouldn’t want to look down from heaven and see you sad every time you think of me.”

Ryeowook shook his head, lips parting slowly, “…you’re the first person who has ever wanted to help me…like this.”

“That’s because I’m the second person to ever love you like this,” he responded quietly, “and so I want you to see love the way I do.”

“And how do you see love?” Ryeowook smiled, eyes closing as exhaustion overcame him.

Kyuhyun brushed a soft, lingering kiss to the other man’s neck, gaze trailing over to that peaceful, tired face. “Love is a sweet and powerful memory.”

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

“Uhm…what are we doing, Kyuhyun?” Ryeowook was sitting on the bed, a blindfold over his eyes. There was the sound of the ocean playing in the background and a slight shuffling of feet.

“We’re getting kinky,” he answered sarcastically, “no, what do you think? We’re going to help you work this out. So just close your eyes behind that blindfold.” Kyuhyun sat down across from Ryeowook and closed his hands around either side of that lovely face. “Now, tell me the happiest memory of him you have.”

He was quiet for a long time, heart racing erratically at the question. Every memory was polluted with disease and Ryeowook truly wondered if he could conjure up a thought that was pure and sweet and simple. That’s what they had always been, so why couldn’t he see it now? Why had they become something so torn and vicious after his death?

“Ryeowook,” Kyuhyun murmured gently, resting his forehead against the blindfolded man. He breathed softly whilst his fingers trailed down to slowly run over Ryeowook’s smooth neck. “Tell me about your first kiss.” His hands lowered carefully, massaging with the lightest, kindest touch as if coaxing him to relax.

“Our first kiss…,” he whispered, smiling automatically at the memory. Ryeowook sighed under the innocent ministrations, head lowering, “He and I were walking to school and we were arguing because I was treating him like a child,” Ryeowook explained in a hushed voice. “That…was a little bit after I found out about his illness. He kissed me all of a sudden and we were both awkward because we didn’t know what to say or do.” He laughed a little then, “I’ll never forget what he said. He said ‘Sorry, that was really weird’, but isn’t it weirder to apologize for kissing your lover?” Ryeowook was smiling then, his mind’s eye finally able to bring forward that morning and that smile and that horror written on both of their faces.

Kyuhyun regretted for a second that he asked about the dead man. As much as he wanted to say that his intentions were completely selfless, he really couldn’t. His emotions were all over the place because of this one man and when that one man spoke so fondly of someone else – dead or not – how could he be happy from the bottom of his heart?

Sighing, he couldn’t stop a bittersweet smile from crossing his face though. Ryeowook looked so happy. In fact, he looked happier than Kyuhyun had ever seen him. If only that smile was for him though. Then the entire world would be right.

“Thank you,” Ryeowook said quietly.

Kyuhyun blinked, shaking himself out of his thoughts. The blindfold was slipping off and then he was caught by those smiling eyes. “Huh?” he managed, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

“I just mean…that it means a lot for you to be trying this hard for me,” Ryeowook explained, looking down at his lap, “I think I feel a bit better. Baby steps, right?”

“Yeah, baby steps,” Kyuhyun nodded stiffly. He glanced around the room rigidly for a moment and then backed up, getting to his feet. “Are we done then? I feel like we haven’t done much.”

“This is enough for now,” Ryeowook shook his head, “This is the first time I’ve been able to think of a happy memory with him…in a while. So thank you.” He reached out, pulling Kyuhyun to a halt before he could walk too far away. “We should probably head to bed. You have an early—” Ryeowook stopped himself when Kyuhyun shot him a death glare. “Ah…we’ll talk about work in the morning then.”

“Yes, that’s right,” he muttered irritably. Kyuhyun leaned back down, pressing a kiss to the man’s lips. For a second, he actually thought he would be rejected, but he wasn’t. Ryeowook pushed back with equal affection – or at least, Kyuhyun wanted to believe that it was equal affection.

 

***

 

The sun didn’t spill through the window like normal. In fact, Ryeowook was almost positive that it was still night time because he couldn’t see the world waking up. Their window was bleak and gray, the curtains dyed a depressing shade of off white.

“It’s already five,” Ryeowook muttered, rubbing his eyes. Sitting up slowly, he glanced backwards to see Kyuhyun rolled to the edge of the bed. It was pretty rare for him to not be hoarding Ryeowook, but that just made things easier. And so, he went about his daily morning schedule.

Having a set system was what kept him sane for the longest time, but now, as he was trying to face his fear, it seemed like the schedule just wasn’t enough anymore. Was it still okay for him to distract himself from reality with work?

Ryeowook paused as he got out of the shower, water still trickling down his body. If he was serious about getting his act together, wouldn’t it be a good idea to take another step? Breathing slowly, carefully, he looked into the foggy mirror, trying to figure out what his next step should be.

It couldn’t be too out there or else he would definitely recoil. It couldn’t be senseless either; otherwise, he would just be replacing his meticulous behavior with another creepy distraction. Ryeowook dried himself off and grabbed his phone from the bathroom counter top.

 

Kyuhyun opened his eyes with an aching reluctance. Looking around blearily, he wondered why he felt so refreshed. He glanced at the clock and nearly shot out of bed. “Ryeowook?” he called, coughing when his voice broke hoarsely.

The delicious scent of food was wafting through the open bedroom door and Kyuhyun climbed out of bed, following it to the kitchen. Outside, it was raining heavily and there was the faint sound of blaring horns. Kyuhyun peered into the kitchen, eyes widening when he saw Ryeowook in an apron and slippers, an oversized shirt barely covering his body. “W-What’s going on?” he stuttered, tentatively approaching the dream-like vision of Ryeowook. He had to still be sleeping. No way would this be happening _. But…_ “Why didn’t you wake me up? It’s already eleven.”

Ryeowook turned the heat off the scrambled eggs, scraping them off the pan and onto a plate. “It’s part of my new schedule,” he explained, “…I…think I’m going to try something new every day. So today, I’m playing hooky for the first time in my life and since you’re life is my life, we’re both playing hooky.” He blushed faintly, looking up at Kyuhyun who was grinning with so much delight that Ryeowook had to take a step back. “I sort of guessed you would be happy.”

“I love you, my beautiful assistant,” Kyuhyun gushed as he glomped onto the tiny figure. He picked him up, spinning him around the kitchen as the smaller man giggled and held on tightly. “So what are we going to do today?”

Ryeowook looked up at Kyuhyun, giving him an uncertain look, “I…don’t know. I didn’t plan anything.”

“You…You didn’t plan anything?” he repeated. “Can you say that again so I can record it for proof?” Kyuhyun smirked when Ryeowook smacked his chest. “Kidding…sort of,” he chuckled, kissing him slowly. “Then let’s go on a date.”

“In the rain?” Ryeowook cocked an eyebrow.

“There are indoor places,” Kyuhyun snorted, “let’s go to the mall.”

“We aren’t teenagers anymore,” he mused.

“Can’t you let me control things just once?” he retorted.

Ryeowook sighed and smiled, “Okay, okay…we’ll do what you want today.”

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

 _We’ll do what you want today…why did I say that?_ Ryeowook grumbled to himself, tapping his fingers against the slightly sticky food court table. There was bubble tea to his right side and absently, he picked it up, taking a sip and chewing on one of the tapioca balls. _Of all the things to be doing…—_ He frowned, closing his eyes for a second.

Kyuhyun was inside a shop chatting it up with one of the workers about a new computer game release. He could be such a geek sometimes, Ryeowook mused silently, smiling in exasperation. They were supposed to be on a date of some sort, yet he was starting to feel like a secretary again – waiting for his stupid boss to get over his distraction and come back.

“Hi, could you help us out?”

Ryeowook blinked, looking up at two teenage girls. They were made up and dressed nicely, perhaps a little too nicely for a simple shopping trip. Hiding his amusement, Ryeowook offered them his professional smile and nodded. “What can I do for you?”

“Well, we’re new around here and we were looking for a good movie suggestion? Do you have any?” the slightly taller girl asked, eyelashes fluttering.

“Oh,” Ryeowook pointed up the escalator, saying, “there’s a lot of ratings in front of the movie theatre, so I suppose you could go there and check them out. The posters are also very elaborate and informational,” he smiled again.

“I see, I see,” she answered quickly, “but I would love a recommendation. You’re probably here with your girlfriend a lot, so what sorts of movies has she made you watch?”

Eyes widening in surprise, Ryeowook chuckled, about to explain that he really didn’t get out much. All of a sudden though, Kyuhyun was looming over the two girls and Ryeowook’s amusement drained away. The mere look on his boyfriend’s face was enough to make anyone flinch. “Uhm, actually,” Ryeowook tried to explain, but Kyuhyun was already cutting him off.

“—if you want to go watch a movie, go ask the people who actually work at the theatre. It doesn’t make sense for you to be bothering a complete stranger with that sort of question,” he remarked, watching the two younger girls with contempt, “Unless, of course, you have some other reason for trying to approach some guy?”

“S-Sorry,” she stammered, grabbing her friend’s hand and dragging her away quickly.

Ryeowook watched them go with a sigh. Picking up his bubble tea, he took another sip, eyes lifting up to where Kyuhyun was smirking. “You didn’t have to scare them off like that.”

“You know, most guys worry about other guys hitting on their girlfriends,” he deadpanned, “I have to worry about girls hitting on my boyfriend. There’s an inconsistency, I think.”

He laughed and offered his drink to Kyuhyun as he stood up. “They weren’t hitting on me,” Ryeowook argued faintly, “well, not yet at least.”

Growling in the back of his throat, Kyuhyun took the drink and entwined their fingers at the same time. “Lord,” he shook his head, but then smiled. “Where do you want to go now?”

“Somewhere without video games,” Ryeowook responded immediately.

Cocking an eyebrow, Kyuhyun leaned down, eyes twinkling with humor, “Jealous of a computer game?”

“That’s my only competition,” he grinned, teasingly.

Kyuhyun laughed, turning back to the front as he walked on, never loosening his hold on Ryeowook’s hand. It was nice to breathe. This had to be the first time Kyuhyun had been able to play around with his lover like that, and for once, actually _feel_ like they were in a relationship. There was always chemistry, but now it wasn’t just simple potential. The Ryeowook in front of him, the one unafraid to embrace life, was what could exist if that man had never died.

Then again, he paused in thought: perhaps this was what Ryeowook was like before that man’s death. Was this the real Ryeowook? Could he be on a date with the person who was buried deeply inside the meticulous, absent shell?

“Hey, can we go in there?”

Kyuhyun blinked, turning his head to look where his lover was pointing. There was a clothing store with a large 60% off sign on the window. “Really, that’s where you want to go?” his mouth quirked up.

“What’s wrong with that?” Ryeowook frowned indignantly. Tugging on Kyuhyun’s hand, he pulled him into the shop. There were rows upon rows and racks upon racks of clothing and accessories everywhere. Women and men alike were shuffling around with huge stacks of clothing.

“Why are we in here again?” Kyuhyun sighed, trailing after Ryeowook reluctantly. Their hands were still interwoven though, making it incredibly difficult to unlink them.

“You’re always sexually harassing me in the office,” he explained, picking up a pair of red pants, “I thought you of all people would like to pick my wardrobe out.”

Kyuhyun smirked, sliding one arm around his lover’s waist, body pressing against Ryeowook’s backside. His lips hovered close to the shorter male’s ear, mumbling, “I already love your clothes, you know that.”

A shiver rolled up his spine and he forced the heat away from his face. “Kyuhyun…,” he shot him a look.

“What?” he tilted his head lower, warm lips brushing against his throat, “Or do you just like saying my name?”

“Well, yes I do like saying your name,” Ryeowook admitted with a laugh, “but no. We’re in public,” he frowned, half-heartedly pushing his lover away.

Kyuhyun’s grip tightened. “Do you care what people think?” he breathed, kissing the male’s shoulder.

“No, but I do care about not getting kicked out of the store before I buy these pants,” he argued, wriggling away from the other man finally. Ryeowook found his size and hurried up to the counter after telling Kyuhyun, “You can play around when we go watch a movie.”

Rolling his eyes, he followed Ryeowook, hand slipping back into his pockets. “Is that an invitation?” he prompted, leaning back against the check-out counter.

“It’s a statement,” he replied.

“Oh, getting forceful, are we?” Kyuhyun dodged a smack, chuckling.

Ryeowook handed the cashier a credit card, trying very hard to stay stern but failing. “You’re full of comebacks today, aren’t you?”

“I’m always full of comebacks,” he teased, watching Ryeowook take the bag and start walking towards the door. Kyuhyun continued holding his hand, trailing a few steps behind the slender male. “What movie did you want to watch?”

“Anything you want,” he shrugged, “I haven’t been out and about much.” Ryeowook smiled faintly. “What sorts of movies do you like?”

“Action.”

And so that’s how they ended up in a two hour long film with mindless bloodshed and cheesy lines. Ryeowook didn’t say a word though, simply using the time to study Kyuhyun. The latter was intensely focused on the fight scene onscreen, completely unaware of the fact that they could be fooling around in the darkness.

It was alright either way. Ryeowook didn’t care much for that part of life anyway. Rather, he would much prefer to feel that warmth and intimacy from realizing that you’re falling in love over and over again. He had felt that every day of his life with Hyungsik, and now, well, he wondered if it was possible that he was beginning to see Kyuhyun for the first time. Ryeowook had always felt attracted to the handsome man, but it had never reached a point of real endearment. Yet now, here he was, watching Kyuhyun with new eyes – eyes that showed him a whole new side to his boss and lover.

Ryeowook wouldn’t speak too early though. He closed his eyes briefly, but then exhaled and turned his attention back to the screen, not really seeing it. There were other things occupying him, things like the forceful barricades in his mind.

_One step at a time…I don’t need to rush into anything._

Ryeowook glanced once more at Kyuhyun, smiling at the expression on the male’s face.

_I’ll reach you someday. Just let me break down these walls._

_…I hope you’re still there when I’m free._


	10. Chapter 10

 

“If you were going to be this out of sorts, you shouldn’t have acted so rashly.”

Ryeowook shot Kyuhyun a glare. “Focus on your work, Mr. Cho.” He swiftly turned away, slamming the door to the office on his way out.

“’Focus on your work, Mr. Cho’,” he mocked, rolling his eyes and grumbling as he turned to the stack of papers on the desk. It was ridiculous how much work could pile up from missing one day of work. Kyuhyun smiled despite it all though, not once regretting yesterday. They had been on a date, a true date.

Humming softly to himself, he started signing contracts, only half paying attention to what he was doing. There was nothing dangerous about the papers. Kyuhyun could only say that with confidence because Ryeowook proofread all of them before handing them over. If there was something sketchy about the contract, it would’ve been thrown out immediately.

 

An hour into work, Kyuhyun pressed a button on his landline. “Is it lunch time yet?”

Ryeowook’s curt reply came, “No, sir. It’s only nine o’clock.” A loud groan of aggravation came through the line and Ryeowook suppressed a laugh. “I’ll be gone for approximately an hour, Mr. Cho.”

“Where are you going?”

“There’s a meeting for secretaries.”

Kyuhyun seemed about ready to argue. Shaking his head dismissively, Ryeowook ended the call before that could happen and stood up, gathering his supplies and planner. The meeting was on the fifth floor and he needed to get going.

As he strode down the hallway, his eyes scanned the plans for the day. It really had been a mistake to play hooky. Ryeowook sighed, trying not to think too much about it. If he did, then there would be even more issues.

“Ryeowook!”

Confusion raced across his face before he tilted his head back, catching sight of a young man. A small smile appeared on his lips. “Good morning, Jinki.”

“You don’t have to be so formal when it’s just us friends,” he nudged the slender figure in the side.

Ryeowook blinked, flashing another professional smile. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You always say that,” he whined.

They reached the elevator then, taking it up to the correct floor. Jinki stood beside him, saying nothing in the crowded, claustrophobic space. Once they got to the fifth floor and were out in the open once more, he caught Ryeowook by the wrist.

“Us secretaries go out drinking once a week, sometimes three, depending on how stressed we are,” he stated casually, “why don’t you join us sometime? I’m sure Mr. Cho isn’t the easiest person to deal with.”

“That may be true,” Ryeowook admitted, slipping his arm free, “but if I fall any further behind in my work, Mr. Cho won’t be able to function.”

Jinki frowned. “I’ve wondered this for a long time, Ryeowook, but why are you so adamant about your job? Although it’s a great thing to be a secretary at this company, it’s not so important that your entire life should surround it.”

He sighed under his breath, beginning to walk towards the meeting room at the end of the corridor, “I would like for you to refrain from making assumptions about my life while we are working together.” The conversation was cut off as Ryeowook entered the room and found a seat.

At the head of the room was the secretarial division advisor. He was tall, stylish, and handsome. Apparently he was also a part time model. Ryeowook didn’t mind any of that though. All that mattered was his diligence and competence.

“Good morning everyone,” he greeted, nodding his head, “so I realize that this meeting is someone out of the ordinary, but recently I attended a convention in which we worked on building team cooperation.”

Ryeowook felt a shiver roll down his spine. This didn’t sound like the best idea.

“With that said, I have devised a way to combine the annual company spa and resort trip with team building activities. Any objections?”

“Would you please elaborate, Zhoumi?” Jinki remarked.

“Well,” he began, “The trip is normally four days and three nights. On one of those nights we will have divisions of the company work together to solve different puzzles, go on scavenger hunts, and maybe some other friendly games in order to raise the spirits around here. It’s important to an effective working atmosphere that the employees find comfort in one another’s company.”

Ryeowook wanted to shoot himself. There were too many issues with that. While on the spa and resort trip, he normally stayed in the hotel room verifying and scheduling the second half of Kyuhyun’s year. That was a precious four days of solid working time. How could it be disrupted by something like team building?

Before even a sound could be uttered, Zhoumi gave Ryeowook a pointed look, mouthing, “Don’t even start with me.”

Casting his eyes down, he clenched his fists and tried to keep a pout in.

“Furthermore, I’ve heard that there is some tension between the secretaries and bosses. Therefore, I have worked it out with the head of the company to have secretaries and bosses share hotel rooms.”

“What?” Ryeowook’s head shot up, eyes wide in horror.

Zhoumi ignored him, going on to say, “Mix gendered rooms will be granted suite status for privacy purposes. The date of departure will be one week from now. Our destination is Honolulu, Hawaii. Any questions?”

No one responded.

Ryeowook was fidgeting in his seat, but he refused to speak up again. Well, actually, Zhoumi would probably just ignore him.

“Then I’ll expect all of you to properly inform your bosses. You are dismissed.”

 

By the time Ryeowook came to, he was in front of his office. Everything had been a daze on the way back. Jinki may have been talking to him, but he couldn’t recall a word of it. All that Ryeowook could focus on was the lack of work he would be getting done. How would he make up the lost time?

It would be impossible. Kyuhyun’s schedule would be sloppy and inaccurate. The whole department would fall apart and then the world would implode. Okay, perhaps it wouldn’t be that severe, but there was a definite chance of brutal mishaps in the near future.

Pushing the door open slowly, Ryeowook caught sight of Kyuhyun lounging in his chair in the waiting area.

That incredibly attractive, cheeky smile rose on his boss’s face as he met Ryeowook’s eyes. “Hawaii is going to be fun, don’t you think?”

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

 

“Do you have your toothbrush?”

“Mmhmm.”

“What about medication? Your eye infection was acting up last night.”

“Got it.”

“Underwear?”

“Yes, dear.”

Ryeowook spun around, frantically tapping away at his phone. “What about—”

“—I’m sure I have it,” Kyuhyun yawned, sitting on the couch playing on his laptop. Closing the lid, he looked up at the buzzing figure running around the apartment. “Yeobo…,” he teased casually. There was no reaction.

Frowning, Kyuhyun stood up, slowly making his way towards Ryeowook in a way that was almost like a predator. Any sudden movements could send the obsessive little man even crazier.

Seeing the opportunity, Kyuhyun jumped forward, catching Ryeowook in a playful hug. The male jumped a little, but then sighed, tilting his head to give Kyuhyun a tired smile. “What do you need?”

“You,” he responded, beaming so all his pearly whites showed, “but that’s a constant necessity. So, I guess I don’t really need anything.”

Ryeowook rolled his eyes, amusement curving his lips up in a smile. “Come into the bedroom so we can finish packing.” He slipped out of Kyuhyun’s arms, taking his hand and leading him inside the spacious room.

“The bedroom is a sacred place for sleeping, canoodling, and sex,” Kyuhyun complained, “why are you tainting it with things like _packing_?”

“Oh hush,” he released the taller male, picking up a suitcase and tossing it at him. “Pick out what you want. I already put the essentials in there.” Ryeowook got his own luggage out and opened the closet. “Kyuhyun, could you order take out?”

“You’re not going to cook?” he mock-gasped, fishing his phone out and lazily dialing the Chinese take-out place across the street. “I can’t live without my precious wife’s food.”

Ryeowook threw a rolled pair of socks at the man, sticking his tongue out.

Kyuhyun laughed, catching the soft cotton and mumbling orders into the phone. “Thanks, bye,” he ended the call, tossing the phone aside. “Hey Ryeo-ah, I have a game we can play.”

“If it involves stripping we’re not doing it,” he retorted, pulling out a pair of yellow pants and holding them up for inspection. “What about these?”

“I like you in white pants more,” Kyuhyun responded, “and no, it doesn’t involve stripping. We can save that for Hawaii.” He grinned at Ryeowook’s face. “Anyway, every time you can’t catch this sock ball, you have to tell me a fun fact about Hyungsik.”

The slender figure stopped moving, head turning to look at Kyuhyun in surprise. Smiling faintly, Kyuhyun shrugged and threw the ball in the air, catching it as it sailed back down. “You didn’t forget did you?” he played with the cotton, idly tugging at some loose threads, “I promised that I would help you. So c’mon, let’s play.” Kyuhyun suddenly flicked his wrist and the ball sailed across the room, brushing Ryeowook’s fumbling fingers. “Looks like you lose.”

“I guess so,” he sighed, chuckling. Picking the socks up, he began re-rolling them, “Something interesting…Hyungsik was really athletic when we were younger.”

Kyuhyun frowned disapprovingly, “That’s no fun. I wanted something like ‘He sleeps with a stuffed monkey’ or ‘He wet his bed until he was thirteen’.”

“Save it for next time,” Ryeowook grinned, throwing the ball back. Turning to the closet, he started digging around for t-shirts and swim wear.

“Next time is here.” Kyuhyun nodded to the cotton ball on the floor by his lover’s feet.

Picking it up, Ryeowook thought for a moment before saying, “He absolutely would deny it, but he could be a klutz. I remember the neighborhood kids would treat him like one of their own because he was so silly even in his last year.” Clearing his throat, he tossed the ball back, only to watch it magically fall into the palm of Kyuhyun’s hand. “How are you doing that?” Ryeowook shook his head in disbelief.

“I’m coordinated, unlike Hyungsik,” he snorted, “and you too.”

The sock ball bumped Ryeowook in the shoulder, causing him to look up from what he had only begun to search through. Kyuhyun was smirking and rocking back and forth on the edge of the bed, “Gimme another fact.”

“Okay,” he sighed, folding a white button down shirt, “uhm…he was really gullible as a kid. We would get into trouble all the time,” Ryeowook explained, “like, we once got into a water balloon fight with some older kids because I wanted to get back at them. Hyungsik tagged along because I told him too.”

“Oh? Ryeowook the rebel leader…that’s sounds really strange,” Kyuhyun mused. The ball flew back at him and he caught it. “Are you going to pack your new pants?”

“The red ones,” he clarified, pulling them out.

“Ah yes,” Kyuhyun’s eyes lit up, “actually, you know, you could just put them on right now—”

“—isn’t it about time that you go and pick up the food?” Ryeowook interrupted, frowning at his lover.

“Fine, fine,” he sighed, standing up and walking over to Ryeowook. Leaning down, Kyuhyun pressed a kiss to the male’s cheek, lingering for a short moment. “I’ll be back soon.” Gently, he brushed his lips across Ryeowook’s hair before heading to the door.

Color raced up the small male’s face, electricity running up and down his spine. Ryeowook covered his face with a soft shirt, trying to rub away the blush. His knees felt weak and his heart was racing at that innocent touch. Kyuhyun was always alluring when he was being the arrogant charmer, but when he was the sincere and sweet man, Ryeowook didn’t know what to do. It made his body feel like it was melting in the best way possible.

Sighing heavily, he sank to the bed, smiling like a fool into the shirt still covering his face.  

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

Ryeowook moaned groggily, blinking his eyes and slowly looking around. The curtains were drawn, but he could see the faint lines of the morning light. Looking down, he saw Kyuhyun’s familiar arms around his waist

Brow furrowing, he willed away the sleepiness, pushing up on his elbow to check the clock. Where was his phone? Swallowing thickly, Ryeowook focused on the bedside clock, not processing what he was reading. _5:34 A.M._

In a flurry, he was bolt upright, eyes wide open. Next to him, Kyuhyun groaned, rolling over and fumbling around for a pillow and more blankets.

Ryeowook frantically looked around the room, heart pounding erratically as he tried to figure out how they would finish packing before the company car came at six-thirty to pick them up. They were nowhere near ready – hell, they hadn’t even woken up yet!

Falling out of bed, he winced and staggered up, thoughts flying a mile a minute— Ryeowook stopped; his body calming down in an instant. The suitcases were zipped and carefully placed by the bedroom door. Their toiletry bags were opened and set atop the luggage for after their morning routines. Ryeowook’s phone rested on top of his fully packed travel bag.

Gingerly, he picked up the device, turning on the screen. There was a message left over the completed packing list note he had created the day before.

 

_You’re no fun. I came home with food, but you were fast asleep. I had to pack everything by myself while you lazed around in bed. Who would’ve thought a day like that would come?_

_Should I be worried about my assistant losing his touch?_

_Hmm…_

_Anyway, I hope you have good dreams, Ryeo-ah._

_See you in the morning._

_Love,_

_Kyuhyun_

Ryeowook stared at it for who knew how long, struggling between laughing and running over to kiss his lover everywhere. Setting the phone down, he took a deep breath and took slow steps over to where Kyuhyun was still sleeping.

Kneeling down on the edge of the bed, he hovered over the slumbering male, lips grazing his ear. “Kyuhyun…are you awake?” Ryeowook placed his hand over the man’s blanket covered hip. He rubbed gentle circles into the covered skin, absently pressing kisses across the expanse of Kyuhyun’s neck.

“No…,” he muttered, turning his head to get a kiss on the lips. Ryeowook obliged and the other man seemed content enough with that, flopping back against the pillows.

Chuckling, Ryeowook ran his fingers through Kyuhyun’s hair, whispering…

His eyes opened immediately, the sleepiness vanishing. “What?”

“Join me?” Ryeowook repeated in fewer words, nodding his head towards the bathroom.

Kyuhyun’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he was kicking off the blankets, picking his lover up and practically sprinting to towards the bathtub. “You’re never up for this in the morning,” he stared wide-eyed, kicking the bathroom door shut behind him.

“It’s a special morning,” he murmured, smiling.

 

***

 

“Why do you look so happy?” Changmin prompted, cocking an eyebrow at his seemingly euphoric friend and co-worker.

Kyuhyun shrugged lazily, a grin permanently stuck on his face as he leaned his head back on the van’s seat, sunglasses over his eyes. “It’s a good day, Changmin,” he sighed, content.

“Did you drug him or something?” he muttered to Ryeowook.

The latter smiled briefly, saying, “No. He’s just pleased that he won’t have to work for the next few days.”

“Ah, that makes sense,” Changmin nodded understandingly, not catching the subtle exchange between the lovers.

Kyuhyun stretched his arms and legs out, rolling his neck. “Yup, I really can’t wait until I’m on that island, bathing in the sun, playing games, and getting some time to have fun…it’ll be fantastic.”

“I’ve never seen you so exuberant,” his friend laughed, “I feel like I’m getting excited now too.”

“You should be!” Kyuhyun urged, “There are so many things to do while we’re there!” He casually let his hand fall onto Ryeowook’s upper thigh as he twisted around to talk to Changmin in the row behind them.

Ryeowook frowned, pushing the hand off with a look that so clearly said: _We’re at work. Vacation-Work is still work._

Pouting a little, Kyuhyun returned the sidelong glance like a hurt child.

“Not gonna work,” Ryeowook mouthed.

“Fine,” he huffed, crossing his arms and sitting back down.

“What?” Changmin blinked, confused, “Did I miss something just now?”

“No,” they replied in unison, not giving away anything.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

Kyuhyun sighed, stirring his drink lazily. His eyes drifted across the private room balcony, lips parting ever so slowly…

“—Don’t.” Ryeowook barked, typing away at his laptop. A pair of glasses rested on the bridge of his nose, drooping slightly as he leaned forward to reread something in his half completed schedule.

Frowning, he went back to his drink. “But—”

“—I still have a solid five minutes,” he cut in, shooting Kyuhyun a dismissive glare.

Exhaling loudly, he pouted deeply and took a noisy sip from his straw. The ice crackled and clinked, liquid slipping off the sweating cubes.

“Fine…,” he muttered, shoulders hunched forward.

Ryeowook’s fingers moved faster and faster as he raced against time. It was already ten in the morning on the first day. Everything should’ve been rushed through on the plane, but Kyuhyun had decided that he wanted to talk and distract Ryeowook the entire time. During the incredibly long flight, he had managed to finish maybe a third of what needed to be done.

And now, as he worked on three hours of sleep, the schedule was barely halfway done. How was he supposed to finishing scheduling it in the next five minutes? Of course he wouldn’t. Ryeowook sighed, rubbing his forehead as it ached.

There was no way he would be able to complete it by the time vacation ended. Kyuhyun would refuse to let him anywhere near the laptop after this particular session and even if he attempted to work through the night instead of sleeping, Kyuhyun had already booked those hours too – figuratively, not literally. Ryeowook was crazed, but not that crazed. Scheduled sex was probably the most ludicrous thing he had ever heard of.

“One minute,” Kyuhyun noted rather gleefully. His lips were curled up in a smirk, eyes dark and victorious.

Ryeowook typed faster, praying that he would get even a little bit more done. _Okay…and we’re done with January…February isn’t too long…but then there’s the holiday season…shoot! What are we doing for the holidays? Will Kyuhyun want all of his free days in this month? What about—_

The laptop was suddenly pried out of his hands, forcing a yelp from Ryeowook. He looked up at the much too satisfied Kyuhyun.

“Time’s up, sweetheart,” he grinned, pushing the balcony door open and depositing the laptop on the table top.

“Wait, but Kyu—!”

He placed his hand over Ryeowook’s mouth, shaking his head. Setting the drink aside, Kyuhyun pushed his lover towards the bed, climbing on top of him as the slender male’s body hit the comforter.

“Don’t even try it,” he muttered, crushing their lips together.

Ryeowook relaxed into the kiss, fingers curling into the fabric of Kyuhyun’s shirt sleeves. There were colors blooming across the backs of his eyelids and currents of energy surging between their touching lips. Sliding his hands down, Ryeowook pushed the male’s shirt up, running fingers over the defined muscles and smooth skin.

“I knew you wanted it,” Kyuhyun teased, ripping open the loose button down Ryeowook had been wearing. He attacked the thin chest and stomach, tasting everything and anything he could. It wasn’t something that got old. “Wanna do it in the shower again?” Kyuhyun whispered, nibbling and sucking at the base of Ryeowook’s neck.

The latter laughed, shaking his head vigorously.

“It was so fun though,” he whined, soothing circles into the slender male’s sides.

“But dangerous,” Ryeowook shot back, doing equal hickey damage to Kyuhyun’s throat, “I almost slipped on soap at least three times. And you kept hitting the showerhead.”

Kyuhyun snorted, popping the button on Ryeowook’s pants, “Technicalities. I bet bathroom sex is way easier in Hawaii.”

“What logic did you just use?” he mused, a breath catching at the teasing removal of his khakis.

“The one where vacation makes everything acceptable and magically perfect,” Kyuhyun responded without hesitation. He flashed a wide grin that was too cute for Ryeowook to ignore.

Sighing in defeat, he pushed Kyuhyun back, glancing at the bathroom. “You know…,” Ryeowook hooked his fingers into the man’s loose fitting sweats, carefully tugging them down until neither of them were clothed, “there are underwater jet streams built into the tub…”

“You’re driving me insane, Ryeowook,” Kyuhyun groaned, snatching the laughing male’s wrist and dragging him quickly to the waiting bathroom.

 

“Oh! I just remembered!” he gasped, wriggling around in his lover’s arms as they lied together in the filling tub. Warm water rose around them, encasing their bodies in a stress relieving liquid. Ryeowook leaned over Kyuhyun’s shoulder, peering out to the open door helplessly.

“What?” he inquired none-too-happily.

“We have to meet everyone in our group later and do an activity, I think.”

“That’s what you’re thinking about? Really?” Kyuhyun deadpanned, ceasing all ministrations to the highly sensitive body.  

Ryeowook chuckled and pushed back down, kissing his lover’s cheek. “I guess we can think about that later too…” He paused, “but you know that they’ll be curious if we don’t go, right?”

“They—”

“—they’ll think something is wrong and come to check on us,” Ryeowook corrected before Kyuhyun could even finish his sentence, “And what do you think they’ll realize when we don’t answer?”

“They will realize that we’re both deathly ill and ignoring them,” he responded cheerfully, pinning Ryeowook back against the smooth edge of the bathtub, “or, more likely, that I made you sneak away to have some real fun.”

Ryeowook ran his fingers through the other male’s fluffy locks, “You’re right,” he resigned, smiling a little, “you are that devious.”

“Mm, you know it,” he tipped the beautiful face up, pressing their lips together again.

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

“I’ll be right back,” Ryeowook stated, nodding his head courteously as he hurried out of the company team building room. Kyuhyun was right behind him, catching his arm before he could get very far.

“Where do you think you’re going? Were you really about to leave me in a room alone with those people?” he hissed closed to his lover’s ear.

Ryeowook smiled sheepishly. “Sorry Kyuhyun, I’ll be right back, I promise. I just need to go and check our emails. I’m expecting a reply about our Paris trip next month.”

Reluctantly, Kyuhyun let go of the man. “…Fine, I guess that’s okay.” He looked around the empty hallway before sneaking a quick kiss in. “You’ve got five minutes before I come looking.”

The slender figure nodded, hurrying down the corridor. Kyuhyun watched him go, a smile slowly appearing on his face, but disappearing just as quickly when he heard the familiar jingling of a silver bracelet.

Things have a way of dragging people down from their highs, or shattering their dreams with a simple chain. Kyuhyun gazed after Ryeowook until he was around the corner. They always had fun like this, but it never lasted. There were always going to be times when he knew Ryeowook was far away.

For example, it was a sure sign that Ryeowook was nowhere near Kyuhyun’s wavelength when he was hectically working. Keeping busy was his drug – the way he coped. The higher level stress, the more internal distress he was experiencing. It had reached an all time high after their date at the mall, and so Kyuhyun had done what he could to bring it back down.

The sock ball game ended up working well.

It wasn’t good enough though. He knew that.

Kyuhyun leaned back against the wall, pursing his lips as he scrambled for some new activity. As much as he knew Ryeowook was trying to change little by little, he could already tell the man had fallen off the wagon.

 

Ryeowook thought he was doing rather well. So far, he had been keeping himself very distracted and indulging in fun with Kyuhyun. That was a good thing, right? At least he wasn’t dwelling on Hyungsik. In fact, he found himself to be proud of what had been accomplished thus far.

Just a little more and he would be cured—

_Is that really what you think, beautiful?_

He froze at the desk, fingers hovering over the keys. Blinking, Ryeowook turned his head to see his late husband sitting atop the dresser. “Why are you here?” he questioned, utterly confused.

 _Because you called for me._ Hyungsik smiled, tilting his head softly. The outline of him was hazy and his body was translucent, but it was surely the same phantom that had accompanied Ryeowook for years.

“That’s not possible,” he dismissed, “I’m doing better these days. I mean, I only started this whole thing about a week ago, but so far it’s going well.”

_If it’s going well, why are you still drowning in work?_

“Because I have to get it done,” Ryeowook explained rather defensively, “I mean…if I don’t get it done, no one else will. Besides, I’m always busy—”

 _—you’re only busy because you don’t want to get close to Kyuhyun._ Hyungsik chuckled, hopping down from the dresser. He came up to Ryeowook, kneeling down and leaning forward. _If you’re working, you don’t focus on me, but you also don’t focus on Kyuhyun._

“Is it so important?” Ryeowook whispered, chest tightening as he gazed into the flickering phantom’s face. “…I know Kyuhyun is trying, I really do…but it’s okay that I’m still scared, isn’t it?”

 _Of course it is, beautiful…no one is asking you to forget me. Don’t you see that?_ The softest brush of wind swept across Ryeowook’s lips and he clenched his jaw, closing his eyes. Hyungsik’s familiar laugh appeared near his ear. _So stop trying to forget me. I’m always going to be here. Trust Kyuhyun. He understands. He’ll help you to understand, too…_

The door to the hotel room clicked open. Ryeowook’s head shot up. Crossing the threshold was Kyuhyun. He stared at the seated man for a moment before sighing and walking towards him. Reaching out, Kyuhyun gently placed his hand atop Ryeowook’s head, crouching down so their eyes could meet.

“What are you doing, silly?” he murmured, resting his forehead against the others. Kyuhyun swept his thumb across Ryeowook’s cheek, a tear catching. “Crying on vacation isn’t allowed.” He smiled in faint teasing, “That’s your goal for the remainder of the trip.”

Hyungsik was seated on the dresser again, flashing a grin. _That’s better! Don’t cry! Easy, right?_ He waved once before fading into the sunlight.

Ryeowook watched him go before trailing his eyes back to Kyuhyun. “I love him,” he whispered, smiling shakily, “I really love him, Kyuhyun.”

Ignoring the pang in his chest, he brought Ryeowook’s head to his shoulder, patting his back softly. “I know you do. It’s okay,” he cooed, kissing the male’s hair, “everything is going to be alright, I promise.”

 


	15. Chapter 15

 

“You shouldn’t have stayed in the sun for so long,” Kyuhyun sighed, squirting Aloe Vera into the palm of his hand and tossing the bottle aside. Rubbing the cooling gel, he pressed hands down on Ryeowook’s burnt back, soothing the swollen redness carefully.

“Shut up…,” he moped, turning his head to one side and sighing, “I was distracted and fell asleep reading the new company policy report.”

“Of all the things, at least it was something boring that put you to sleep,” he mused.

“Oh hush,” Ryeowook bit back, gritting his teeth when the man sitting beside him ran his fingers over a particularly sensitive patch of skin. “It wasn’t boring, I was just tired.”

Kyuhyun snorted. “Yeah, I’m sure that was it.” Looking up, he checked the clock. “We have half an hour before we have to be in the lobby prepared to leave.” He was ready to push Ryeowook back down when the man undoubtedly shot up. “Ah, ah, ah, I’m not done yet.”

“But we have to hurry!” he whined, fidgeting.

“I don’t think so,” Kyuhyun drawled, leaning over and kissing the male’s cheek. “You’re still not completely protected and if I let you up right now you’re going to be in pain the entire flight back.”

Ryeowook was quiet after that, staring off into space.

Kyuhyun hummed a sweet song, deep voice lulling Ryeowook into a drowsy state. The latter silently closed his eyes, asking in a gentle, distracted voice, “Why are you so kind to me?”

“…because there’s no one else I’ve ever wanted to be kind to,” he answered simply, massaging the man’s pained backside.

“You haven’t met everyone you’ll ever meet,” Ryeowook whispered, “besides, that’s not an answer.”

“I like how you’re focused,” Kyuhyun answered sincerely. The muscles underneath his fingers tensed and he couldn’t help but smile. “I also fell for your effortless cuteness, like those times when you wake up Sunday mornings and hug me, or when you give me knowing smiles, or when you’re just sitting in the studio, watching me record.” He ran his thumbs across the middle of Ryeowook’s back. “As much as I love to bully you, I want you to know that you’re never alone. I’m watching out for you.”

This time, Ryeowook truly didn’t say anything in return. He couldn’t think of anything to say. When he turned his head away, there was Hyungsik again – standing by the balcony doors, fading in and out of sunlight. He smiled, tilting his head. _Don’t give him up. Got it?_

_…Are you leaving me?_

Hyungsik shook his head. _Never._

 

***

 

Kyuhyun sent their bags up with the housemaid. She bowed and took them. Bending back down, he reached into the taxi, helping Ryeowook out and onto his back. “Are you okay, yeobo?” he teased.

“Not in the mood,” he growled, half groaning in pain. He awkwardly wrapped his arms around Kyuhyun’s neck, shoulders stinging.

“What? Impossible,” he retorted playfully, “how can you ever not be in the mood for affection?”

“I’m not in the mood for it when you ditch business lunches,” Ryeowook remarked, “and I don’t enjoy it when I’m in excruciating pain.”

“I told you that you should’ve let me rub your back for longer.”

“You weren’t even rubbing my back by the end!” he exclaimed, immediately regretting it and collapsing against Kyuhyun’s neck and shoulders.

“Hardly the point,” he grinned, stepping into the elevator.

Ryeowook leaned his head over, quietly pecking Kyuhyun’s cheek. The taller male blinked, surprise running across his features. “Thank you,” Ryeowook mumbled near his ear, “…I’d be lost without you here.”

Kyuhyun hid a smile, closing his eyes and chuckling. “But I am here. I’ll be your anchor.” The door opened to their floor and he slowly made his way towards their home. “Wherever you float, I’ll be waiting on the ground, holding your safety line, my sweet little balloon.”

“Was that supposed to be a compliment?” Ryeowook laughed, nuzzling his face into the male’s neck.

“You don’t want to be a balloon?” Kyuhyun mock gasped.

“Do you want to be a rock?”

“Well, if my rock is attached to your balloon, I don’t think I mind that much.”

Ryeowook muffled another laugh, kissing Kyuhyun again. “I guess if you’re my rock, I won’t be worried about drifting away anymore. You’ll come save me, isn’t that right?”

“Always,” he responded, setting Ryeowook down on their bed. Neither of them had noticed by the time they were inside the apartment. Kyuhyun pressed their lips together, smiling into it.

 


	16. Chapter 16

 

Kyuhyun fidgeted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable at the dining table of the restaurant. Across from him, his mother and father sat alongside another couple whose daughter just so happened to be his designated fiancée.

It wasn’t new news per se. Kyuhyun always knew his parents were searching for someone suitable for him. The problem was that he didn’t care much for anyone but Ryeowook. How was he supposed to marry someone that was too shy to even meet his eyes? No, more than that, how was he supposed to marry someone he didn’t love?

“You’re not even going to give her a chance?” Kyuhyun’s father questioned warningly.

“It’s not because I dislike her, err, you,” he glanced at the blushing girl, “I’m just not interested in marriage at this point in my life.”

“Well don’t be preposterous,” his father stated stiffly, “it isn’t like you’re being married right this second. We’re simply giving you a prospect for marriage.”

 _A prospect is more like an arrangement, isn’t it father?_ Kyuhyun didn’t say that though, instead, he picked up his glass of wine and downed it. “She, ah, you,” he looked at the girl but she only managed to look up at him through her lashes, “are very cute. I understand that. The problem is that I don’t have any wish to be in a relationship at this time.”

“You’ve been saying that for years,” his mother remarked sharply.

“And for years I haven’t been ready for commitment,” Kyuhyun lied through his teeth. “I’m not meant to marry,” _anyone by Ryeowook_ , “and that would become clear if you had time to know me,” _because clearly I’m gay for a man._

The girl’s mother spoke up then. “Well then why don’t you have Victoria live with you for a week and see if you two can handle one another?”

“We skipped marriage and now we’re at co-residence?” Kyuhyun stared at the woman, confused.

“Well, this is the easiest and fastest test. If you two can stand one another, then perhaps you’re underestimating your commitment abilities.”

“What if I refuse?”

“He won’t refuse,” Kyuhyun’s father interjected. He gave his son a stern look, so many words flowing between them without one being uttered.

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes in the end. “Then you should know that I have a roommate.”

“A roommate? Since when?” his father frowned.

“Kim Ryeowook lives with me,” Kyuhyun shrugged nonchalantly, easily masking his true feelings, “I’m not going to kick him out for a week.”

Victoria finally spoke up then. “That’s okay,” he met Kyuhyun’s eyes, “I…well, I don’t mind. I should be able to get along with the people in your life if we’re considering marriage.” Her face reddened slightly as she added, “I mean, that is, if anything happens.”

Kyuhyun stifled a sigh, not wanting to give in. Both of his parents shot him equally irritated glares and he looked away. “…fine. It’s fine.”

“Wonderful. We’ll be around tomorrow to drop her off,” Victoria’s mother smiled.

_Great…_

 

Ryeowook was sitting on the couch, reading a self-help book about the five stages of grief. It was his new adventure for the day. Normally, those sorts of books angered him, but it seemed to help people out there, so why not give it a shot?

The door clicked open and he looked up. Kyuhyun crossed the threshold, face drawn and exhausted. When their eyes locked though, a smile curled his lips, “Hey, Ryeowook.” He unbuttoned his jacket, shrugging it off and hanging it up.

“How was the dinner?” Ryeowook prompted, standing up and coming over to Kyuhyun. He brushed his hands over the male’s cold shirt, leaning up to kiss him.

Kyuhyun melted into the touch, wrapping his arms around the slender figure. Was it so wrong that he wanted to hold Ryeowook and not some woman he barely knew? It felt right when Ryeowook was with him.

“Uhm…we have to talk,” Kyuhyun forced out, pulling back slightly.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“What?” his eyes widened in alarm.

Ryeowook paused, rethinking what he had said. “Sorry,” he shook his head, flustered, “I’ve been reading a self-help book so I’m a bit off.”

“Self-help book…?” Kyuhyun waved his hand dismissively, “Never mind. Anyway, my parents are setting me up with another fiancée.”

“That’s nothing new,” Ryeowook tilted his head in confusion.

“Well, it’s a little different this time,” he said uneasily, “they want her to move in with me for a week to see how compatible we are.”

“Does that mean I get time off?” Ryeowook questioned hopefully. When Kyuhyun’s face darkened, Ryeowook giggled and hugged him. “I’m kidding…sort of. I won’t take care of you for a week, and you can let her have the full experience of trying to handle you.”

Kyuhyun’s expression shuffled through a dozen different things before he settled on more confusion. “I really can’t tell if you’re insulting me. Am I that hard to handle?”

“I’m not insulting. I’m expressing how hard I work,” Ryeowook grinned, “but I’m not sure, maybe I don’t work that hard. I’ll find out this coming week though.” He looked around the apartment and then back at Kyuhyun. “Should we make use of the empty apartment for the last time?”

Kyuhyun leaned in, sniffing. “You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?” he accused lightly, smirking.

“…a little,” Ryeowook admitted.

“I thought so. You’re never this forward.”

“The alcohol makes me loopy.”

Kyuhyun chuckled, pulling him towards the bedroom, “I think loopy is an understatement.”

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

 

It was difficult to break habits, but Ryeowook was managing somehow. He sat in the living room with his book, reading about “Denial” while idly snacking on cookies. In the kitchen adjacent to him, he could Kyuhyun’s demanding voice. Wasn’t that nostalgic? It had been years since Kyuhyun had been that whiny with him.

Ryeowook had learned quickly what to do with Kyuhyun, but he wondered if other people would be that smart.

 

“No, it’s all wrong.”

Victoria stared at the handsome young man sitting in his chair. She had easily spent all afternoon in the kitchen cooking dinner, knowing that his first impression of her food was vital. How could it be anything but _good_ if she had spent all day on it? “What…do you mean?” she asked hesitantly.

“The rice is too dry,” Kyuhyun stated, “I like it soft, not chewy. The eggs aren’t crispy enough. The kimchi isn’t homemade. I don’t like wine with this sort of dinner. You folded the napkin wrong. I don’t use these chopsticks to eat anything but breakfast.”

He took a deep breath, leaning back in his chair, eyes scrutinizing the layout of food. “I don’t eat stir fry on Saturdays. There are too many visible vegetables. You used the white plates, but I only eat on red plates during dinner.”

Ryeowook looked up from his book, wondering then who was crazier, him or Kyuhyun. Was he always such a freak about the little things? Then again, Ryeowook had to admit that he was probably a bigger control freak then. That was the only way he would naturally pick up all of those oddities.

“You’re joking,” Victoria stared at him, her blushing bride image chipping away. She had been told over and over again by her mother to be the perfect wife – to presumably woo Cho Kyuhyun so their families would be secure economically for generations to come. But, wasn’t this man too much? How could anyone be so frustrating within barely a day of living together? “You can’t really be that picky. You just want to drive me out.”

Kyuhyun’s eyes narrowed at her. “Seriously? You think I’m that petty?” He looked at the food again and shook his head. “You’re the one who made mistakes. Do it right next time and maybe I’ll eat.” He stood up, walking out of the kitchen.

He passed by the living room and Ryeowook muttered, “You’re crazier than I remember.”

“I hadn’t realized how incompetent people were until now,” Kyuhyun responded, “You were spoiling me too much.” He turned down a hallway, shutting the door of the bathroom as he entered.

Victoria came into the living room, seeing Ryeowook. She hadn’t really known what to expect when she heard of Kyuhyun’s roommate. Perhaps it would’ve been someone charming and sleek like Kyuhyun himself. Or maybe it would’ve been a flirty guy or possibly a cold, quiet guy. There were so many possibilities, yet the only one she hadn’t expected was a cute, feminine boy. His eyes were gentle, features sharp and smooth and delicate.

“Is he just trying to get rid of me?” Victoria sighed, feeling comfortable talking to the slender young male. He was just so unthreatening.

Ryeowook peered at her softly. “No, my roommate is always this psychotic.” He smiled at her lightly. “If he was trying to get rid of you, he wouldn’t have bothered to let you in, in the first place.”

“I suppose that’s a good thing,” she muttered, “Do you have any tips on how to handle him?”

 _Of course I do._ “Nope,” Ryeowook shook his head, “I learned to live with him.”

Kyuhyun suddenly emerged from the bathroom, his eyes vehement. A soft sigh escaped Ryeowook as he saw a green towel in the male’s hand. _Uh-oh…_ “Where’s my towel?” Kyuhyun asked carefully, voice tight.

“I changed it for you…,” Victoria answered nervously, “what’s wrong? This one is clean.”

He didn’t say anything, just pressed his lips together and chucked it to the floor. Turning away again, Kyuhyun walked into his bedroom, the door slamming.

“He color coordinates his towels by day,” Ryeowook explained casually, flipping a page in his book, “Saturday is red, Sunday is white, Monday is gold, Tuesday is orange, Wednesday is blue, Thursday is green, Friday is either cream or black, depending on whether he’s going out that night.”

Victoria stared at Ryeowook for a long moment, flabbergasted. “No…way.”

“I wouldn’t joke about something like that,” he said with obvious exhaustion. Closing his book, Ryeowook stood up and smiled at her sympathetically. “Good luck, because he’s not joking about any of the outrageous things he says. Good night, Miss Victoria.”

She stood there for a while, trying to absorb just what she had gotten herself into. He had such a beautiful face and voice and was oh-so successful. Cho Kyuhyun had the potential to be any woman’s dream, so why did he have to ruin that? Victoria slumped against the couch, crossing her arms and staring at the discarded green towel.

“This is ridiculous,” she shook her head, pressing one palm to forehead.

 


	18. Chapter 18

 

_Day 2_

Ryeowook buttoned his navy blue blazer, grabbed his phone, bag, and keys as he walked out of his room. The kitchen was already bustling with scents and sizzling. He peeked around the corner, seeing Victoria busily preparing breakfast as if she was avenging herself for last night’s mishap.

Studying the foods cooking, Ryeowook frowned worriedly. Checking the clock, he noted that it was way past the time Kyuhyun should’ve been up. If he was late for work, Ryeowook would be suffering. Sighing, he walked to his boss’s bedroom, opening the door and going over to where the lump of a person slept away the morning. “Kyuhyun, get up,” Ryeowook murmured, shaking the male.

“Hmm?” he mumbled, pulling the blankets higher up around him.

“Time to get up!” Ryeowook exclaimed, shaking him incessantly.

Kyuhyun groaned, shoving the sheets and glaring blearily at the other male. “Why do you do this every morning?” he complained, growling and stumbling to the bathroom.

Walking back out of the room, Ryeowook stumbled to a halt, seeing Victoria waiting for him. She seemed awed and frustrated at the same time. “Why are you waking him up? It’s Sunday. There’s no work, right?”

“He’s coming in for a few hours to do the work he’ll miss during his vacation,” Ryeowook slipped his shoes on, turning the door knob. “Make sure Kyuhyun is on time for work. If not, the company will be upset.”

“But wait—!”

Ryeowook was already gone though – glad to be heading to work with fewer cares. If someone else wanted to take care of Kyuhyun in his free time, then by all means they could give it a shot.

 

Some ten minutes later, Kyuhyun emerged from the shower, a towel around his waist. He looked at the bed, expecting his clothes to already be laid out. Ryeowook always made sure to coordinate their outfits by color in order to keep them as a pair pleasing to the eyes of clients and other important visitors at the workplace.

Kyuhyun growled deep in his throat, raking fingers through his wet hair. Twisting around, he walked to the living room, seeing Victoria sitting at the dining table waiting for him. Her eyes widened as she took in his naked form, blushing when she drifted down to see the low hanging of the towel. The prominent bones of his hips were apparent, framing his abdomen. “What was Ryeowook wearing this morning?” Kyuhyun snapped.

“Why does that matter?” she stammered.

He rolled his eyes. “Because we need to color coordinate. If we come in conflicting outfits, there’s less aesthetic appeal to people who see us together at work. What was he wearing?”

“I…uhm, I don’t remember,” Victoria looked down, flustered. Her eyes lit up suddenly though and she waved to the table of food. “But look! I made you breakfast and I—”

“—Dammit, I’m late!” Kyuhyun interrupted, ignoring her. He spun around, heading back into his bedroom and getting changed. There was no other option. It would be a boring grey suit that day. Kyuhyun quickly dressed himself, striding purposefully out of the room and towards the entry hall.

Victoria came up behind him, panic and hurt on her face. “No, wait, Kyuhyun,” she blurted, watching him fumble around, looking for his stuff, “I…well, you can’t go to work on an empty stomach. That’s not good. You should come and eat. I’m sure the company will understand if you’re late…besides, isn’t your roommate your secretary? He’ll explain everything to your boss.”

Snatching up his phone and keys, Kyuhyun started pulling his black, glossy loafers on. “Get your act together,” he spat, tilting his head back to glower at her. “If you’re serious about living with me, then you should’ve already done research on what my schedule is like. I’m not going to be late to work just because you didn’t know what time to get me up for breakfast.” He sighed in clear annoyance, opening the door, “Just stop messing things up. I can’t live well if I have someone so difficult taking care of my affairs.”

Victoria flinched when the door slammed shut. “Bastard,” she muttered, clenching her fists.

 

Kyuhyun’s hair was slightly windswept and his face was drawn as he walked into his office, passing by the secretarial desk. Entering his main rooms, Kyuhyun smiled faintly at the sight of Ryeowook lounging on the cream leather couch. There was a laptop at the man’s disposal as he waited.

“Good morning, Mr. Cho,” the assistant greeted politely, “there’s a bagel and coffee on your desk, along with the company’s weekly report. Please read it and email the CEO.”

“Two sugars, one cream?” Kyuhyun prompted, picking up the drink and taking a sip.

“Of course, sir,” Ryeowook responded, scrolling through something on the laptop, “I’ve moved all of your appointments back one hour to make up for this morning’s mishaps. Please be sure you’re on time, Mr. Cho.”

The man’s mouth quirked up in mild irritation, “You’re enjoying this way too much, secretary.”

“I probably am, sir,” Ryeowook smiled.

Kyuhyun picked up the bagel and report, walking over to sit across from the slender figure. “So, I must be losing my wits, but how did you know that I wouldn’t rip your head off if you got me a bagel?” He chomped down on the food, chewing softly.

“Raisin bagels with plain cream cheese, blueberry or chocolate chip muffins, and orange scones are all safe foods for quick breakfasts,” Ryeowook answered, typing as he spoke, “coffee is your morning staple and I assumed she hadn’t made it for you.”

“My god, I think I’m falling in love again,” he let his head fall to one side, grinning, “you make my life so simple with your efficiency.”

“Your home life isn’t going to be that simple anymore...,” he muttered teasingly.

“Are you insulting your boss?”

Ryeowook’s face morphed back into the stoic secretary’s, and he shook his head, “No sir, of course not, Mr. Cho.”

“Adorable, too,” Kyuhyun laughed, standing up and heading back to his desk to start on that email. “Please send Mr. Song a present. I don’t want him thinking that I’m purposefully treating his daughter badly.”

“Understood,” he murmured, standing up and excusing himself.

“Wait.”

“Yes?” Ryeowook looked at his boss.

Kyuhyun eyed him carefully, “…wear tighter clothes tomorrow. I can’t see anything.”

“I’m going to charge you with sexual harassment one of these days, Mr. Cho,” Ryeowook glowered, shutting the door firmly.

The man just smirked, turning to his computer and pulling up Starcraft.

 

Ryeowook rolled his shoulders, cursing himself for being so weak. The girl was sitting in the living room, crying and shaking. Kyuhyun was still at a late lunch with some new clients, and so Ryeowook had decided to go home.

What he found was not something he had wanted to find. Victoria was curled up on the couch, sobbing away the day. There was no food on the stove and nothing appeared to have been touched since she had apparently cleaned up the uneaten breakfast. Ryeowook sighed, realizing then that this must have been the natural reaction for all of the previous secretaries who had quit days into their time with Kyuhyun.

Reluctantly, he walked into the room and saw Victoria immediately start wiping at her face, hiding. “It’s okay,” Ryeowook said gently, sitting down beside her and patting her shoulder, “I’m sorry…that Kyuhyun is such a monster sometimes. It’s only been two days though.”

“There’s nothing that I can do to please him!” she cried angrily. “…I don’t even want to move because I’m scared that he’ll yell at me again.”

Swallowing another sigh, Ryeowook withdrew his arm, touching her hand. “Come with me.” He stood up, waiting for her to join him.

After a mere second, she got up uncertainly. Ryeowook nodded towards the kitchen. Once there, he handed her an apron and opened the fridge. “Kyuhyun will eat anything so long as you cook it the way he likes it. What do you want to make?”

“Uhm…,” Victoria looked around nervously. She frowned, saying, “Fried rice?”

“Okay,” he nodded, taking out ingredients, “he likes crispy eggs, peas and carrots, shredded chicken, and kimchi in his fried rice. The rice can be dry or wet in this case. He doesn’t care when it comes to specialty dishes.” Ryeowook looked up at her, seeing a stunned face and no notebook. Brow furrowing, he asked, “Why aren’t you taking notes?”

“Oh, s-sorry,” she fumbled around, finding a notepad and pen, scribbling down what he said.

“Let’s go,” Ryeowook led her to Kyuhyun’s bedroom. Opening up the closet, he showed her the array of suits and casual clothes, “He and I color coordinate as you know. On Mondays, I wear red, Tuesdays I wear black, Wednesdays are white, Thursdays are yellow or green, Fridays are purple, and weekends are blue.”

“Does he know this?”

Ryeowook scoffed, reorganizing the messy closet, “Of course not. He thinks I randomly pick my clothing every morning. Just follow that schedule and you’ll be fine for the week.” Turning around, he offered her a faint smile, “That should be enough for now.”

“Thank you…thank you so much,” she stared at him in awe, lips parted.

“It’s alright,” Ryeowook chuckled, “I don’t suppose it would be much fun at all having to do these things for Kyuhyun.”

“He should learn to take care of himself,” Victoria quipped.

“Yes, but that would be asking him to go against his very nature.”

She laughed then, eyes twinkling. “You’re very funny, Ryeowook-ssi.”

 


	19. Chapter 19

 

 _Day 3_ – Monday, December 17 th

 

“It’s not terrible,” Kyuhyun stated, after swallowing a mouthful of white rice. He took a few bites of kimchi – specially prepared the day before by Ryeowook – and nodded. “Are you grocery shopping today?”

Victoria answered without thinking, too excited to see him admit that she had done something right, “Yes, I am!” She was still on an adrenaline high from the night before when he had eaten her fried rice and now he was also eating breakfast. Everything was going so well. Her eyes flitted over to where Ryeowook stood by the balcony window, voice muffled by distance as he spoke rapidly into a phone.

“Where are you looking?” Kyuhyun cut through her thoughts, dark eyes lowering in subdued disdain.

She cast her gaze away, heart pounding. Maybe Kyuhyun was jealous…? No, that couldn’t be possible. Then again, he seemed to be the possessive type and the type to bully someone he likes. Victoria blushed, wondering if food really was the way to a man’s heart. “Nowhere,” she shook her head.

“I see…,” he murmured, looking over to Ryeowook. Their eyes met briefly and Kyuhyun felt his heart skip a beat.

Ryeowook smiled the tiniest bit before shifting away.

 

“Hi,” he stepped into the supermarket, seeing Victoria panicking in one of the aisles. Ryeowook studied her for a moment, and then crossed his arms. “What’s wrong?”

She held up two jars of jam. “Which one does he prefer? I couldn’t figure it out and this is so worrisome because people have such specific tastes when it comes to this.”

“Well, he doesn’t like peanut butter and jelly, so it doesn’t matter,” Ryeowook smiled tiredly, taking the jars and putting them back. Pulling out his phone, he scrolled to the grocery list he had made earlier that day. “I’m sending you the grocery list. What’s your number?”

She gave it to him without another thought, relieved when she received the text message.

Ryeowook slipped the device into pocket, saying, “He only uses that specific soap. If there are none left, tell me, and I’ll find it. Don’t stray from the brands listed.” He backed away, heading for the door, “See you tonight, Miss Victoria.”

“Thank you again,” she bowed her head, standing back up and waving.

 

Kyuhyun sat in the car with Ryeowook as they headed for a late night studio recording. Shadows flitted across the windows, being washed out here and there by floodlights. The interior was dark and private as Kyuhyun leaned across the short space, attacking the smaller male’s mouth.

Dragging him underneath him, he groaned and slipped his hand underneath Ryeowook’s shirt and jacket. “I’ve missed you,” Kyuhyun breathed, kissing and nibbling at the figure’s throat, undoing buttons one after another.

“We haven’t even been apart,” Ryeowook chuckled, absently kissing the handsome male’s jaw.

“Wrong,” he retorted, sucking a mark into his lover’s collarbone, “she’s been in the way for three days. I feel deprived of you.”

 Ryeowook gasped, pushing Kyuhyun back with a warning look. “I’m not doing this in the back of the car, Mr. Cho.”

“It’s so hot when you call me than in this situation,” he smirked.

“Not when you think of your father.”

Kyuhyun’s face dropped. “…Why did you have to ruin it?” He sighed and climbed off, pouting and crossing his arms.

“Because we’re never having sex in the back of a car,” Ryeowook huffed.

“We’ve done it before…”

“That was once and we were too drunk to even tell what was going on,” he shot back, buttoning his shirt and fixing his hair.

Kyuhyun gazed out the window, grinning. “It had been a fun night though. I mean, you woke up sore in all the right places.”

“We aren’t discussing this, Mr. Cho. You still have work,” Ryeowook stated coldly, pulling out his phone.

 

**To: Victoria Song**

**Kyuhyun has a late recording session. Do not cook. We will not be coming home until late.**

“Who are you texting?”

Ryeowook looked up, seeing Kyuhyun leaning over him again, this time mischievous curiosity lighting his eyes. There may have been a hint of annoyance in those depths, but Ryeowook liked to pretend he couldn’t see it.

“No one.”

“Bull shit.”

Kyuhyun snatched the phone, tossing it across the roomy car. It clattered to the carpeted floor. “If you’re texting that woman, you better have a good excuse for me.”

“…she’s just really stressed out,” Ryeowook sighed, having never been so great at keeping secrets between people. “I felt bad so I offered to give her a few hints about you.”

“You’re _helping_ the competition?” Kyuhyun stared at him incredulously. “How could you?”

“What’s so bad about that?” he retorted. “I just didn’t want to see a girl crying. I…” _I don’t like seeing people in pain._

“So what? Now you’re suddenly a macho man? You wanna go and ride a white horse, saving damsels-in-distress?” Kyuhyun rolled his eyes. “Stop doing something so stupid.”

Ryeowook closed his eyes, controlling himself. “She needs—”

“—she _needs_ to get out of the way and deal with the consequences of her decision. She’s the one who wanted to live with me for a week,” he cut in, “What? If we actually got married, do you think you’re still going to be living with us, giving her pointers on how to deal with me?”

“No,” Ryeowook answered calmly, “but do you plan on marrying her?”

Kyuhyun was quiet for a second. “…That’s beside the point.”

“I think it is the point. If there’s no way you’ll marry her, my actions don’t affect anyone. It’ll make her stay a little more bearable.”

He gritted his teeth, whipping his head away. “Whatever. Do what you want then.”

Ryeowook stared at him for a stalled moment. “Kyuhyun—”

“—don’t call your boss so casually,” he snapped.

“…Excuse me, Mr. Cho,” Ryeowook said softly, correcting himself and slowly picking up the phone. He scooted close to the door farthest from Kyuhyun, feeling a headache coming on already.

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

 

 _Day 4_ – Tuesday, December 18th

 

Victoria thanked the house cleaner, digging through the closet in hopes of cleaning it well. She hadn’t been told to do so, but maybe it would be of help. Ryeowook had been helping her so much, therefore it was only right to try and do something on her own.

Stepping inside the storage, she looked around warily. It really was a lot. For two perfectionists, it really didn’t seem right. Then again, everyone had a secret or two they couldn’t let out and instead buried in what appeared to be mounds upon mounds of cluttered crap. Victoria opened up one of the boxes, digging through it.

There were several old books, some loose change, paper, and at the very bottom a ratty notebook. Victoria studied it, confused. Neither Ryeowook nor Kyuhyun seemed to be the journaling type.

Carefully, she flipped it open, seeing only one entry in the entire book. Was it an invasion of privacy to read it? Victoria pressed her lips together, shaking away the guilt. It had been years since the thing was touched. No one cared, most likely.

And so she began reading.

 

_Dear Journal,_

_This will be my first and last entry because I hardly need my innermost thoughts floating around in printed form. Really now, why would I ever want someone potentially reading up on my private feelings?_

_Well, I guess I better start._

_I spent a lot of my childhood waiting for someone to come and save me._

_I hated everything that had to do with my family, work and education…all of it was a waste of time in my eyes. Who was I doing all of it for? What did I want to accomplish? They were all charting out a future for me and yet all I wanted was to sing._

_They humored me for so long, but it wasn’t enough. I’m already going to be entering college. There’s no time left for me to change my career path._

_I’m going to become just like my father._

_I’m going to take the family business._

_I’m going to be rich._

_I’m going to live with a woman I loathe._

_I’m going to die with no heart._

_I’m going to have no memories._

_I have no happiness._

_I have no friends._

_I have no one to watch me fall._

_I have no one to save me._

_That’s the bottom line, isn’t it?_

_If there was someone out there who was actually close enough to me to save me…I could be happy._

_Only one person ever showed me that kind of concern and he was a stranger and to be honest, I don’t really remember him. The paramedics told me his name, but even now, I’m not sure if it started with an “R” or an “L”. Isn’t it sort of sad how the most significant person I’ve ever met…I can’t even recall?_

_Does that say something about my character? I think it does._

_From that day, I can only clearly see two things in my mind._

_First, the rain was pouring. I felt like I could drown in the storm and I probably would have had it not been for that stranger. Then again, maybe if I knew he wouldn’t be around when I woke up, it would’ve been better to just die out there._

_That’s what I wanted. The whole fucking world could just cry and panic over the death of a corrupt man’s son. They wouldn’t really be sad. The would just go online where no one knows their face and say all of the cruel things that are too impossible to voice in person. I’m not judging them, though._

_They’re cowards. They’re human._

_What else can I say?_

_The second thing I can accurately remember is one phrase. I’m pretty sure the stranger told me it and I can further assure you that those are the only words that I have ever hung onto._

_“Go out there and find someone who you would follow to death.”_

_It sounds sort of morbid at first, but then you realize just how beautiful that is. What sort of person was he to be able to believe in such a scary, loyal idea? I know I’ve never come across anyone like that._

_Sad thing is, if I don’t find that person, I’m pretty sure I’ll never find anyone who is worth following to death – someone who’s worth waiting the rest of your life to die for. Sure, I don’t know who he is or what he is – hell, he could be a middle-aged man with a family – but there was something in him that was breathtaking._

_I want to be in love with that person._

_But he’s probably already in love with someone else, right? Why else would he have such an immortal view on love?_

_Bye._

_Cho Kyuhyun_

 

Victoria reread the entry, over and over again. It was easy enough to understand his feelings of being trapped. She had been the same way – trained to be a perfect bride and that was it. Her life was set and now she was playing along as expected.

But Kyuhyun hadn’t turned out quite the same. He played along, but only to a certain point. Everything he did was so aggravating, but perhaps Victoria was starting to understand why. People weren’t born to be obsessive and controlling. Something made them like that.

Kyuhyun had wanted to break away so badly that now he was something of an insane perfectionist.

Victoria sat back on her heels, sighing. “What about Ryeowook?” she mumbled, heart stuttering a bit at the thought of the young man. Burying her face in her knees, she tried to push away the blush crawling up her neck. “So wrong…,” Victoria mumbled, trying to calm the butterflies in her stomach.

 


	21. Chapter 21

 

 _Day 5_ – Tuesday, December 19th

 

 

Kyuhyun sat uncomfortably at the same damn table with the same damn people, except this time Victoria sat beside him and their parents eagerly gazed upon them from across the dinner. He glowered at the candle in the center of the table, avoiding their expectant eyes.

There was no doubt the woman’s parents were confident in her ability to catch the heart of a man.

There was also clear confidence on Mr. and Mrs. Cho’s faces. They had little fear that their son would defy them to the extent of marriage. It was just a power agreement. Why would Kyuhyun disagree with that?

All the while, both members of the arrangement were steadily falling for the same boy.

 

_Earlier that Day…_

 

“Ryeowook…”

“What is it, Mr. Cho?”

“It’s been two days,” Kyuhyun said softly, eyes filled with sensitive emotion, “I…I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.”

“I’m sure that’s the case. Please file this properly, Mr. Cho.” Ryeowook handed him an envelope of papers, turning towards the door.

He stood up, catching the boy’s arm. “Please give up this grudge,” he sighed, “being at home is already stressful. I don’t want work to be any more stressful. What I said that night,” Kyuhyun clenched his fists, embarrassment staining his voice, “I don’t like the idea of you talking to someone else familiarly. You’ve been only mine for so long. I don’t know how to deal with you making friends, especially with the woman who’s supposedly my future wife.”

Ryeowook exhaled, slowly shifting around to look at Kyuhyun. “…I think you have reason to worry.”

“What?” his eyes widened, jaw slackening.

“No, no, not like that…exactly,” Ryeowook dropped his head, color rushing up his neck. “She, uhm last night I was giving her advice on how to get a stain out of her dress…and she made a move on me.”

Kyuhyun’s arm fell, a weight slumped his shoulders.

 

_The Previous Evening…_

 

“Are you two fighting?” Victoria inquired hesitantly. She was sitting at the kitchen table, scrubbing at a spot on a blouse.

Ryeowook supervised her work, a cup of tea in front of him. “Not particularly,” he shook his head, “when Kyuhyun throws tantrums, I wait for him to come and acknowledge what he did wrong, or just let it pass by because it’s not worth arguing over.”

“You know how to handle him so well,” she made a noise of appreciation, “Is there a class you took?”

He laughed, sipping the hot drink. “No, I’ve just lived with him for a long time. I’ve caught on to some things.”

Victoria looked down at her blouse and smiled brightly. “Oh look! It’s coming out!”

“Hmm? Really?” Ryeowook asked amused, leaning over to look at her handiwork.

As he did so, she leaned forward as well, coming too close to his face. They froze there, Ryeowook awkwardly chuckling and trying to pull away. Victoria stopped him though, closing the distance swiftly. Her lips touched his and he stayed rigidly in place.

It was a never ending moment. Well, it felt like that at least.

Ryeowook’s unblinking eyes gazed into nothingness as Victoria quickly fumbled to her feet. “I-I’m going to bed.” And then she was gone.

 

Kyuhyun stifled a snort, shooting the woman beside him a cold glare. Who did she think she was? How could she simply kiss Ryeowook like that? Rolling his eyes, he scooted his chair subtly away from her.

“So…how have things been going thus far? We know that you two still have a couple of days together, but we just wanted to check in,” Mrs. Song prompted.

“She has great potential as a wife,” Kyuhyun responded, seeing hope fill the four people across the table, “for someone else, not me.” They deflated. He hid a smirk. “I don’t enjoy her cooking, or behavior. I would most likely treat her terribly and I’m positive that as parents you wouldn’t wish that sort of pain on your daughter.”

Victoria nodded in agreement with him, but added, “He’s right. We aren’t compatible, but I feel that with more time, we could work things out.”

Kyuhyun shot her a warning look. She returned it.

“Oh, that’s good, that’s good,” Mrs. Song nodded in relief. “I knew you two would figure something out.”

“Uhm, no, not quite,” Kyuhyun interrupted tightly.

Victoria grabbed his arm, pulling him away from the table. The pair walked out of earshot and immediately glared at one another, harsh words hissing in the small space.

“How dare you _attack_ my roommate like that!” Kyuhyun whisper-yelled.

“Look, these five days haven’t been that terrible. I know you aren’t actually that upset with my behavior and cooking,” she stated.

“That’s what you think,” he bit back childishly.

She rolled her eyes. “I won’t get in your way. If we let our parents think that we’re getting along, we can have a marriage for them. It doesn’t matter if we like each other or not. That way, you can do whatever it is your bachelors do, and I can keep on living with Ryeowook.” Victoria flushed.

Kyuhyun pushed her back against the wall with mere waves of anger. “You are _not_ getting with Ryeowook.”

“What’s wrong with that?” she demanded, “I know that I can get through to him. I…I just need some time and then I’m sure he would accept me.”

“I’m already dating him,” Kyuhyun snapped, “That’s why you can’t have him.”

The air stilled.

Kyuhyun had a sinking feeling all of a sudden. _What…the fuck did I just say?_ He stared frantically at Victoria, dragging her further away from the restaurant’s bustling tables. “Listen to me, that’s not what I meant to say—”

“—that doesn’t make it any less true,” she cut in. Victoria wrenched her arm free. “You’re…you’re _gay_?”

He grimaced, “You make it sound like a disease. Don’t you know that Ryeowook is too, then?”

“That’s different,” she argued, “he’s so cute…and sweet. I’m sure that if I told him how I truly feel, he wouldn’t be against dating a girl.”

Kyuhyun suppressed a growl. “Your views are naïve and unrealistic.”

“Coming from the grown man who needs other people to take care of him,” Victoria shot back.

“I don’t need them to take care of me,” he quipped, “I enjoy being taken care of. There’s a difference. That’s beside the point though. You’re not getting anywhere near Ryeowook again.”

“You wanna bet?” Victoria smirked, shoving Kyuhyun back and rushing back into the restaurant.

“Dammit!” he stumbled after her, only managing to catch up by the time she was already back at the table.

Victoria leaned forward, smiling at the pair of confused parents. “I want to continue this trial. Since we aren’t married yet though, after these two days, I would like to move in next door to Kyuhyun. That way we can still spend time together while figuring out our compatibility levels.”

It was already too late for Kyuhyun to get a single word in. He stared at the group of people planning out his life and all he could feel was power slipping out of his fingers as the walls closed in around him.

“You know, I heard from Kyuhyun’s secretary that he’ll be travelling to Paris this Christmas,” Mrs. Cho remarked, “Victoria, you and your girlfriends could go meet up with him. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

Kyuhyun looked at his mother blankly. He said nothing though.

“Yes, that sounds great,” Victoria agreed, grinning happily. If the world really felt like Ryeowook and she weren’t meant to give each other a shot, why was everything falling into place for it?

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

 

 _Day 6_ – December 20 th

 

Ryeowook bundled the scarf tighter around his neck, fighting off the winter chills as he hurried from store to store. Each time, the cashiers would shake their heads, shrugging apologetically. He understood that it was rare…he just hadn’t realized that it was _that_ rare.

Pushing on a door, he stepped inside and bristled, shaking off the snow flurries. Ryeowook shuffled up to the counter, looking at all of the confections inside the glass case. This wasn’t what he was looking for, but everyone needs a break from Christmas shopping. Checking his watch, he frowned. There was less time than he remembered to get back to the office.

“What would you like?” the bakery owner smiled.

Ryeowook returned the smile a little breathlessly, “Could I have one order of truffles, peppermint bark, and the caramel chocolate bites? Oh, and one container of dark hot chocolate,” he added, “Thank you.”

Walking away from the counter, he took out his phone, calling Kyuhyun. On the second ring, the male picked up and Ryeowook said, “Are you still at the office?”

“Did you think I ditched while you weren’t looking?” he questioned, sounding like he was smirking.

He frowned, absently touching a table of sweets. “Well, it is close to Christmas and you’ve been working a lot recently. I’m worried that you’re giving up.”

Kyuhyun scoffed, “You would just drag me to this hell hole anyway.”

“I’m not going to be back until later, so make sure you go to that early dinner date,” Ryeowook reminded.

“Of course, yeobo,” he drawled.

“Kyuhyun…”

“I told you yes!”

“Swear on your video games,” Ryeowook demanded, walking back over to the counter to pay and get his order, “I’m giving you until the count of three to do it.”

The bakery owner nodded understandingly. “Kids, huh?”

“Indeed,” he nodded tiredly, smiling before turning away, “One…two…—”

“—Okay, okay! I swear on my video games,” he huffed.

“Uncross your fingers, Mr. Cho,” Ryeowook scolded, shivering as he stepped out into the cold again.

“God, why are you such a nag?” Kyuhyun whined, “Fine, I get it! Bye.”

“Bye,” Ryeowook grinned. The moment he hung up, his eyes were drawn to a display window across the street. Looking up at it, he smiled a little. It would probably piss off Kyuhyun, but Ryeowook would just have to make sure that he didn’t find out.

 

Kyuhyun exited the store, slipping his purchase deep inside his breast pocket. Blowing hot air into his cold hands, he looked around for a taxi, hailing one after a minute or two. Closing the door, he gave the driver his address and leaned back as the car rolled through the slow drift of snow.

_Bzzt… bzzt…_

He answered the call without checking.

“Hey, Kyubaby.”

The color drained from Kyuhyun’s face. He sat up straight, looking around as if the person on the other line was somehow nearby. “What do you want?” Kyuhyun gripped the door handle, muscles tensed for action.

“Just called to chat. Anything wrong with that?” the person questioned, sounding rather amused. “Or maybe you’re just not very fond of me anymore?”

“Cut it out,” Kyuhyun stated lowly, “what is it?” He stared out the window, not really seeing anything, but needing to appear normal. So long as he could lie to himself a little bit, everything was better out of appearance alone.

“Your parents have been trying to get you with Victoria again, huh?” he chuckled.

“What of it?”

The person’s voice was deep and masculine – cool, even. “I’ve been living in Paris for the past year supervising the new factory here. You should come and see me this Christmas. I’m sure you would prefer that much more over spending time with Vic.”

“It’s a harder decision than you might be thinking,” Kyuhyun responded tightly.

“I don’t think it is and deep down I’m sure you don’t either.”

“Telling me what to think? That’s not normal of you,” he retorted, gaining some confidence from the adrenaline polluting his veins.

“I can’t believe that you would let things go that easily. You’ve really become pathetic, Kyubaby. Maybe I don’t want to see you after all.”

“That’s fine by me,” he said without missing a beat, “I don’t need you in my life anymore.”

“So you admit that you needed me at some point?” the man teased.

“I’ll admit right now that you need to shut up and get away from me. Don’t come popping up like this. It’s bothersome.”

“I’m sending you my address. Come anytime you want.” The call ended.

Kyuhyun dropped the phone to his lap, rubbing his face, aggravated. His heart was daring to leap out of his chest and his fingers refused to cease their shaking. Swears tumbled from him like insane mantras. Lifting his head, he stared foreword at the taxi seat. The faster he cleared his head of that voice, the better.

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

 

 _Day 7_ – December 21 st

 

Victoria was back in the storage closet, trying to find anything at all that might tell her more about Ryeowook. The more she knew, the better it would be to talk to him. Plus, with Kyuhyun always around, she never had the opportunity to approach Ryeowook even though they were all living together.

No one spoke about the feelings floating around inside the apartment, but everyone knew the tension was there. Kyuhyun made it blatantly obvious that he didn’t want her food and she was just fine with not cooking for the jerk. Ryeowook was caught somewhere in the middle, trying to keep the peace. Victoria smiled at the thought. He was such a sweet person. She couldn’t blame Kyuhyun for wanting him…but it still wasn’t right.

Not only were they employer and employee, they were both men. Ryeowook deserved a nice girl and Kyuhyun certainly didn’t deserve him. They shouldn’t be together and Victoria was frustrated that somehow the world had brought those two together.

She pushed past several boxes marked “Kyuhyun” and finally let out a cry of triumph when she found a small, sturdy box with Ryeowook’s name printed on it.

Hooking her fingers under the lid, she pulled it open, frowning when all she found was a video camera. There was nothing else, just a few cushions and the video camera’s charger. Pushing aside one of the cushions, she found a folded sheet of paper.

Carefully, she opened it, reading over the few lines.

 

_One and a half years._

_Never forget._

It wasn’t like Kyuhyun’s journal at all. Victoria wasn’t even sure she understood what was written. How did a video camera relate to those words? Confused, she folded it back up and placed it in the box before shutting it.

“What’re you doing back here?”

Victoria whirled around, standing up. In the doorway was Kyuhyun looking royally pissed. He came closer to her, stepping over boxes here and there, “I said: what’re you doing snooping around our personal belongings?”

“It’s just storage and I was trying to clean,” she half-lied. The first time she had come in it was to clean, so it wasn’t technically a full lie.

“Yeah well, if we wanted to clean it we’d have the maid do it or do it ourselves. Get out.” Kyuhyun waited impatiently as she reluctantly stood up and headed for the door. He watched her walk off, disappearing around the corner. Frowning, he looked back to where she had been crouched over and approached it.

Kneeling down, he saw the box marked “Ryeowook” and popped the lid off.

Inside, there was an out-dated silver and black video camera that still used tapes. Kyuhyun lifted it up curiously, popping the tape insertion open. There was nothing inside. Placing it back into the box, he lifted the cushions up, seeing the folded letter and on the other side an aged, dusty photo of a rather chubby boy and a tall, gangly boy.

They were both physically awkward as many adolescents are, but they seemed happy and that’s what struck Kyuhyun hardest. He stared hard at the short round child with glasses and the gentle smile. No matter how much time had passed, he could still see traces of Ryeowook in that face. The cheek bones appeared through layers of fat and skin and his skin was still the same soft white it was presently.

Kyuhyun smiled faintly, brushing his finger across the image. If he had known Ryeowook at that time…if he had been the person in that photo…what would it have been like?

 

_“Come on, hurry up!” Kyuhyun called, laughing and racing ahead of Ryeowook._

_The other boy cried and yelled for him to slow down, grinning anyway. They ran through the large fields of Kyuhyun’s house, sneaking away. Ryeowook finally caught up when Kyuhyun slowed and rolled through the grass, holding his stomach as giggles overtook him._

_“Why are you so fast?” Ryeowook gasped, pushing his glasses up and wiping sweat from his forehead. He sat down next to his best friend who couldn’t stop laughing. “And what’s so funny?”_

_“We beat the servants again,” Kyuhyun sighed, smiling contently, “That’s what’s funny. They can’t outrun two kids. How sad is that?”_

_“You’re always so mean to them,” Ryeowook scolded lightly, unable to help laughing a little too. He looked around the open lands, seeing his friend’s large house in the distance. “Man, your house is always so much fun to play at.”_

_“I like your house a lot more,” he responded, rolling over to squint at the round boy. “No one bothers us.”_

_“Is anyone bothering us now?”_

_“No, but that’s beside the point,” Kyuhyun scoffed, smirking. “Your house is still fun.”_

_“If you say so,” Ryeowook flopped onto his backside._

_“Hey, Ryeowook?”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“Would you run away with me?”_

_The boy laughed, eyes drifting over to look at Kyuhyun. “Always.”_

He blinked a few times, shaking his head. The photo was back in his hand, the closet was enclosing him once more, and the silence was all consuming. That wasn’t the childhood he had been given. There was no one else in that field. There was no one that responded to his question.

It was stupid to even fantasize about it. Kyuhyun smiled humorlessly.

Packing everything back up, he stood and left the room.

 

Upon coming outside, Kyuhyun ran into Victoria and Ryeowook sitting at the kitchen table. “What’s going on?” he prompted, seeing their smiles and distracted excitement.

“Well, I want to go out tonight since it’s the last time and I was asking if Ryeowook would come with me,” she explained.

 _Since when were you two on such familiar name bases?_ Kyuhyun grimaced. “If he’s going, so am I.”

“But—”

“—something wrong?” Kyuhyun interrupted icily. His threat hovered over all of them.

Victoria bit her lip. “…No.”

“Where do you want to go?” Ryeowook sighed, smiling warily.

“Uhm, somewhere loud and big,” she grinned, excited at the mere prospect of having some fun. Clubbing in the same, safe rich clubs was boring. That’s all she had ever been exposed to and now, for possibly the last time, she had a chance to do something wild and fun. “And we can invite more people if you’d like.”

“I’ll make some calls,” Ryeowook offered, “I’m sure they would like to come.”

“Who?” Kyuhyun leaned over his shoulder possessively.

“Taemin, Minho, Key, Onew, and Jonghyun would be okay, I think,” he responded, pulling his phone out already, “Anyone else?”

“Oh great, I’ll invite some girlfriends,” Victoria beamed, standing up and pulling her phone out. She disappeared into her bedroom, closing the door.

The moment she was out of eyesight, Kyuhyun tilted Ryeowook’s head back, kissing him deeply. They breathlessly broke apart, only to come back together in rushed touches and clumsy, needy fingers. Kyuhyun pulled Ryeowook up towards him, hands sliding everywhere and anywhere.

“We’re really close,” Kyuhyun breathed in between heated kisses.

“One night,” Ryeowook chuckled, happy to be free of the tension for just a moment, “and then everything goes back to normal.” He missed the routine and waking up in Kyuhyun’s arms. All of those self-help books were starting to get annoying and repetitive. Ryeowook already knew that he held feelings for Kyuhyun, but to what extent he would act on them was up for discussion.

Self-help books did not discuss those things.

 

***

 

“She’s really out of it,” Kyuhyun muttered, grunting as he helped Ryeowook carry a passed out Victoria to her friend’s car. He had decided that the safest plan would be to contact her parents, explain the situation, and send her home with one of her friends. It didn’t make much sense to have her come back and risk the possibility of using more underhanded tricks to get her way.

Then again, Kyuhyun also just wanted an excuse to not have her around a day earlier – even if she would have to come back to collect her stuff later. At least then she wouldn’t be a permanent residence anymore.

“Done,” he sighed, shutting the backseat door. Patting the car twice, the driver pulled out, some of her tipsy friends sticking their heads out of the windows and shouting goodbyes.

Kyuhyun turned to Ryeowook and they exchanged a long, tired look. Neither of them was good with partying. They were good with drinking, but that was an entirely different kind of fun. “Home?” they said at the same time, grinning at their timing.

 

Ryeowook stepped out of his room after showering and collecting some of the things he needed: wine, truffles, and movies. Silently, he walked down the hall to Kyuhyun’s bedroom. The door was open and waiting for him.

Stepping inside, he saw Kyuhyun tugging a loose t-shirt on, his flannel pajama pants low around his hips. Ryeowook eyed him more closely than he knew was appropriate, but it was difficult to not look. For an entire week, he hadn’t been able to touch Kyuhyun – sexually or not – and it was finally starting to dawn on him how much he had missed everything about Kyuhyun.

“What are those?” he walked over, taking the truffles.

“I bought them yesterday,” Ryeowook answered, smiling, “I was looking for something else, but I saw those and figured they might be a nice snack.”

“Cute,” Kyuhyun mused, leaning down and kissing him chastely. Taking one of the movies at random, he walked over to the DVD player and popped it in. The screen flashed blue as it began loading. “Come,” Kyuhyun took Ryeowook’s hand, pulling him over to the bed.

They leaned back against the headboard, the wine set down on the side table and the truffles placed between them. “This movie is called ‘Attack on the Pin-Up Boys’,” Ryeowook stated.

“Is it a comedy?” Kyuhyun tilted his head.

“Yes, it’s a comedy,” he mumbled, picking up one of the chocolates and pressing it to the seam of Kyuhyun’s lips.

The latter smiled, opening his mouth and taking it. Chewing softly, he nodded in approval. “That tastes great.”

“I’m glad,” Ryeowook chuckled, taking one for himself, “we’re finally alone.”

“Oh? You’re happy that she’s gone?” Kyuhyun teased.

“Do you want me to be sad?”

He frowned, but then chuckled and pulled the blankets up, wrapping his arm around Ryeowook’s shoulders. “…I found a video camera in the storage closet.” The slender body in his arms tensed and Kyuhyun fought back the pang in his chest. _Why did I bring this up?_

“It’s just an old memento,” he murmured, forcing himself to relax back into Kyuhyun’s arms.

“…ah,” Kyuhyun said softly, tightening his arms around Ryeowook. He didn’t want to give him up – never. No one could understand that unrelenting wish. In theory, Kyuhyun could see Hyungsik feeling that exact same way, but he couldn’t sympathize. In his eyes, he was the only one who could really love Ryeowook that much.

How could anyone else have ever felt so much passion for the beautiful man? That didn’t make sense. Everyone had just one person. That’s how Kyuhyun saw it. So how was it possible that Ryeowook could have two?

Clearly, if Hyungsik died, he couldn’t have loved Ryeowook all that much. He let death tear them apart. Kyuhyun was the one who was meant to be with Ryeowook. He had to be.

“When do we leave for Paris?” Kyuhyun suddenly asked.

“Tomorrow night,” Ryeowook replied, “I’ve already gotten confirmation about the apartment over there. It’ll be ready for us when we arrive.”

He nodded anxiously. _Soon…soon I’ll have an answer._

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

 

It was a constant state of suspension – sort of like Purgatory. There could be a lot of waiting and thinking and random panic attacks. Living like that really took its toll on the psyche. Sometimes, everything was fine and you were calm. Other times, it was inexplicable anger and frustration and fear. Always being in the same spot, never moving more than a few paces left or right, forward or backward – really left a person teetering.

Any little change could set off an alarm. When things never change, how do you react when things do change?

“We have one day until Victoria arrives in Paris,” Kyuhyun stated as they unpacked in their rental apartment in the heart of the city.

They had freedom for just one day and in that time Kyuhyun was determined to get done what he wished. If had to spend the next two weeks with that woman, he wanted to at least make it bearable and there was only one way to do that.

“You make her sound like the plague,” Ryeowook chuckled, setting his two suitcases in the bedroom and unzipping them. He opened up the roomy closet, sighing dreamily. “Can we live here all year around?”

“If that’s what you want,” Kyuhyun shrugged, “I’ll just have them transfer us here.”

Ryeowook smiled, turning away from the closet, “Let’s just design the apartment back home like this one.”

“Have fun doing that,” he smirked, tugging Ryeowook closer to him, “It’ll take forever.”

“Mm…maybe we should just come here more often and then everyone will be happy,” he grinned, craning up to capture a kiss.

Kyuhyun pulled the boy closer before slowly laying him down on the bed…

 

***

 

Ryeowook stepped out onto the balcony as he waited for Kyuhyun to finish showering. The sky was dark but brightened by the foreign city beneath him. Snow drifted down gently, disappearing into the faint smog of Paris. In the distance he could see Christmas lights strung up and the occasional tree peaking out.

_Thinking about me again?_

“I always think about you at this time of year,” he breathed, watching his white breath burst forth.

Hyungsik perched on the thin railing, gazing down at the slumped over figure. _That’s a bad habit, you know._

“So is talking to my conscience like this,” Ryeowook looked up at the faded memory of a face.

_You think you’re holding him back? He’ll be upset if he knew that…even if it is true._

“I am holding him back though. If I wasn’t around, he wouldn’t be stuck in this place with me. He could move forward. Right now, he’s holding himself back and I can’t do anything…because I can’t move.”

_You can move. You could always move. But you just don’t want to._

Ryeowook closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “That might be true. It’s also wrong. I’m trying hard. I’m trying so hard,” he ground out, “so why can’t I move on faster? I take a step and get sent back half of one. No matter what I do, I can’t learn to move.”

 _You’re just afraid. That’s okay._ Hyungsik’s hand rushed across Ryeowook’s forehead, cold and unreachable. _He’s a good man. He waited this long. I don’t think he’ll do anything to hurt you…not intentionally at least._

“How can you have so much faith in him?” he asked, frustrated.

_Because the person I love chose him. I have faith in you. That’s all I need._

Ryeowook pulled away from the railing, taking a shuddering breath and stepping back inside. Peering across the room, he saw Kyuhyun emerging from the bathroom, a towel around his neck and a pair of black slacks on. “I’ll be ready soon,” he stated rather seriously, flashing a quick smile at Ryeowook before heading over to his closet.

“Okay,” he nodded, heading out of the room, trying to calm the beating of his heart.

Hyungsik appeared before Ryeowook as the latter sat down on the couch. The phantom knelt down, hands closing over Ryeowook’s. _Have some faith. Remember._

And then he was gone again.

 

The restaurant was quiet and private, overlooking the expanse of Paris. There was a floor to ceiling glass window on their left side, whilst a deep red table cloth and faintly scented candle rustled between them.

“I know it’s early,” Ryeowook stated, “but I’m guessing we won’t have much time on the actual day.” He pulled out his Christmas present for Kyuhyun, handing it over.

The handsome man, blinked, surprised for a brief moment. “How can I open it now? If I do that, then I won’t have anything to open on Christmas,” he frowned, looking down at the little wrapped present. There was a white satin bow on the top of the reindeer covered wrapping paper.

“Fine, just hold onto it then,” Ryeowook rolled his eyes playfully.

“I’ll give you yours on the actual day,” Kyuhyun stated firmly, almost triumphantly.

His lover just laughed, staring at him in amusement.

They quietly gazed at one another for a long while, neither saying anything. Kyuhyun absently brushed his thumb across the back of Ryeowook’s hand, seemingly attempting to compose himself. There was energy in the air, electricity surging through their connected fingers.

“Is there something wrong, Kyuhyun?” Ryeowook finally asked, tilting his head.

“No, no, there isn’t,” he shook his head.

Biting his lip, he closed his eyes and steadied his pounding heart. Kyuhyun opened his eyes, focusing on Ryeowook once more. Releasing his hand, he reached into his pocket, withdrawing a delicate velvet black box.

Ryeowook froze.

Kyuhyun unclasped the ornate gold lock with a soft _click…._ Inside was a sleek golden ring with an iridescent crystal streak following the line of the endless circle.

“Kim Ryeowook, I’ve been with you for three years and I haven’t regretted a single moment of it. Through everything, I’ve been there for you and I will continue being there for you.” Kyuhyun swallowed, keeping their eyes locked. “I never want to lose you and I never plan on it. You’re the only person who has ever been able to make me feel this way. I would give up the world to have your hand in marriage. So…will you marry me?”

There was such a painfully long pause, Kyuhyun wondered if he had actually said it all and it wasn’t just one of his many internal rehearsals. But…but then he saw the shock fade from Ryeowook’s face and then an emotion far from what he had expected paint those lovely features.

Suddenly, giving up the entire world to take back everything he said didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

“…what happens to us if I say…not yes?” Ryeowook whispered, nails digging into the palms of his hands in his lap.

Kyuhyun told himself to breathe. “Then…maybe I don’t mean any of those things anymore.”

“Is this an ultimatum?”

“It’s a proposal.”

“You’re asking me to move when I don’t know how to move anymore.”

Kyuhyun stared across the table at the dry eyed young man. Tears didn’t fall, but he could see it. There was burning agony in those empty pools. Fire scorched him with every spoken word – but Kyuhyun didn’t care anymore. He didn’t want to care anymore.

It was just one humiliation too many.

“We’re going down the same path here, Ryeowook,” Kyuhyun whispered. “You’re waiting forever for him, and in time I’ll be waiting forever for you. Something has to give.” He closed the ring box, leaving it on the red clothed table. “I’ve tried again and again and this was my last idea. I…don’t know what else I can do for you.”

Kyuhyun stood up, taking a carefully timed breath. “The only thing I can change now is me. I don’t want to wait forever for you. I want to be with you forever.” He stepped away from his chair, pushing the black velvet box closer to Ryeowook. “Take it. It was meant for you no matter what you ended up saying.”

He stared up at Kyuhyun, silent pleas for so many things spilling out in place of tears. The man hesitated for the longest time, but then his shoulders slumped and he shook his head. “I’m sorry, Ryeowook. I…think I’ve hit my limit. Good luck.”

“ _No!_ Please, Kyuhyun, wait!” Ryeowook cried, heart thudding loudly. He watched the man turn back around. “I…” His voice caught in his throat and he sank back into himself, eyes lowered.

“See?” Kyuhyun murmured hoarsely. “You can’t even do this much. I just can’t deal with it anymore. I’d rather be alone or unhappy again than to continue being with you. It doesn’t work.” He shrugged very slightly. “So let’s just go our separate ways now. Goodbye.”

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

 

Kyuhyun staggered down the street, head swimming and stomach swishing. Had he paid before leaving the bar? He couldn’t remember. Fuck.

Leaning against an alley wall, he took shuddering breaths before lurching and puking. Groaning, he gathered himself back up, muttering under his breath about any number of things. He wasn’t even sure where he was anymore.

The very handsome and very drunk man stood underneath a light post, fumbling for his phone. _Redial…redial…_ Kyuhyun braced himself against the cool metal, lifting the device up to his ear. “Answer, you fucker,” he slurred angrily.

“Finally wanna see me, Kyubaby?”

 

***

 

Ryeowook zipped the final suitcase, rolling it into the entry hall of the apartment. He hadn’t tried to call Kyuhyun. It didn’t seem right, nor did he think the man would’ve picked up.

What would he have said? “Oh, Kyuhyun, I don’t want to marry you, but please come back.” No. Who the hell does that?

Looking over his shoulder, he studied the quiet Paris home. It wasn’t for him anymore. Ryeowook knew he shouldn’t be that calm and the only one who would’ve known that he wasn’t actually calm, was already dead.

Checking his phone, he slipped it back into his pocket and rolled the two suitcases out of the apartment.

 

***

 

“You’re annoying,” Kyuhyun growled, stumbling and holding onto the man who helped him into the car.

“You say that, but you’re the one who called me up,” the man chuckled, shutting the door and walking around to the driver’s side. Climbing in, he peered over at the drunken mess. “Some girl broke your heart?”

“No.”

He snorted, pulling away from the curb, “Yeah, right.”

“It was a guy…and I broke his heart,” Kyuhyun muttered, arms crossed over his chest. He closed his eyes, head leaning against the cool window.

“Oh? That’s nothing to be worried about,” he laughed, “why do you even care? He’s just another worthless slut, I bet.”

“Don’t talk about him like that…ah, fuck, what do I care?” he bristled, “Call him whatever you want.”

 

***

 

The airport was bustling with activity, but Ryeowook slinked through them all, avoiding the crowds as best he could. He just wanted to get out of Paris as soon as possible to collect himself. The sooner everything was settled, the better.

Ryeowook mentally began a list of things he needed to do once back in Korea.

 

_Find an apartment._

_Wait for Kyuhyun to come back to see if I need a new job._

_Call up mom._

_Spend Christmas at home._

_Move out of Kyuhyun’s apartment._

_Are you really going to let things go like this?_ Hyungsik sat down beside Ryeowook in the terminal.

“Don’t have any other choice,” he responded softly, pulling one knee up so he could rest his head.

_You…you could’ve chased after him._

“And said that I don’t want to marry him?”

 

***

 

They pulled up to a tall building. Kyuhyun wasn’t positive what was going on. All he knew was that he had his arms around the man he loathed and couldn’t escape. Their mouths were molded together and their bodies flush.

Things were crashing and pain was blooming everywhere. Kyuhyun groaned out when they sank onto the bed, words he barely comprehended being whispered in his ear.

“F-Faster…,” he bit down roughly on the man’s shoulder, clinging tightly to the body on top of him.

Kyuhyun felt himself drowning in sensations so heightened it made him scream until his voice was cracking. _I don’t need you, Ryeowook. I don’t want you either._ He shut his eyes tightly, gasps and pants slipping through gritting teeth.

 

***

 

_…you’re going to regret this._

“I’m already regretting it,” Ryeowook mumbled.

Hyungsik made a face. _You aren’t regretting this. You’re regretting that you ever had feelings for Kyuhyun. How does that help you?_

“It doesn’t,” he sighed, “but there’s nothing that can help me now. He was right.” Ryeowook squinted at the blurry phantom of Hyungsik. Day by day, the figure became less clear and Ryeowook knew why. He had been working so hard to let go and now, as he was getting closer, that face was fading. “I’ll wait forever for you. I can’t change that.”

_You’re going to wait until you die? Do you really think that’s what I want?_

“What if you were the one who survived?” he hissed bitterly, covering his face. “Even if it isn’t what I wanted, you would still wait forever because that’s all you can do. That’s all I can do.”

 

***

 

Kyuhyun rolled over, chest heaving. He placed on hand over his beating heart, gasping for air as the man above him continued fucking him. “Dammit…,” Kyuhyun bit out, gripping the bed sheets.

“What’s wrong, baby?” the man chuckled darkly, voice low and sultry. Kyuhyun shivered, turning his head away from the rough figure. “Forgot what it’s like to bottom?”

“No, shut up, you fucker,” he groaned.

“Nah, I don’t think I will,” he whispered, sinking his teeth into the side of his throat, leaving a bloody bruise. “You’re so pathetic right now…,” the man gripped Kyuhyun’s wrists tightly, snapping his hips harshly forward, eliciting a cry from the writhing, drunken person, “Letting all of your power go like that. You’re letting yourself become a pawn in love. Don’t be such a weakling.”

“It’s…not like that…Siwon,” Kyuhyun managed, body shaking from everything being done to him.

“By the time you head back, I’ll have fixed you. Don’t worry,” Siwon cooed, laughing.

 

***

 

Ryeowook stood up, stretching his legs. The flight was delayed for another two hours or so. Sighing, he looked around the airport, happy to see that some people were beginning to disperse.

“Is that you, Ryeowook?”

Blinking, he turned around, seeing a young woman coming towards him. “Victoria?” he tilted his head, confused for a moment before remembering that she was planning on coming to Paris as well.

“What are you doing here?” she questioned, stopping a few feet away.

“Ah, there’s some business that’s called me back to Korea for the holidays. Kyuhyun is working on the Paris account,” Ryeowook lied smoothly, “So things are a little messy this year.”

“Don’t tell me you’re actually working on Christmas,” she frowned in disapproval.

He laughed softly. “No…no, I’ll be with my family, so please don’t worry. I hope you enjoy your stay in Paris.”

Victoria nodded slowly, about to say more, but then her friends were calling to her. Ryeowook noticed and smiled, waving for her to leave. Reluctantly, she waved goodbye, turning around to head off.

Once out of sight, Ryeowook sank back into his seat miserably.

 


	26. Chapter 26

 

The door opened and immediately, Ryeowook was jerked into a tight motherly hug. He smiled, hugging her back warmly. “Oh, I haven’t seen you in so long!” she exclaimed, hurrying him into the kitchen, all the while ordering around visiting family members and just making a fuss in general.

“Sorry,” Ryeowook mumbled, sitting down at the table, smiling gently at his mother who had yet to let go of his hand.

“Wow…look at you!” she sighed, shaking his fingers, “My son looks so handsome and professional these days.”

“You’re too much,” he chuckled warily. Ryeowook chatted idly with his mother, while his father and other relatives lounged in the living room. He glanced over at them when she allowed him a moment to breathe and immediately noticed Hyungsik’s parents.

Standing up, he quickly walked over to them, kneeling down and bowing his head. “Hello, auntie…uncle,” Ryeowook greeted stiffly. He bit his lower lip, hands pressed into the carpet.

“Sit up, Ryeo-ah,” Mrs. Park told him gently, patting the young man’s shoulder.

He lifted his head, eyes weak and eternally apologetic. Time and time again he had been told that it wasn’t his fault and he shouldn’t feel that terrible, but he did. Ryeowook had taken their son away. It made sense that they should hate him – even if it was only a little bit. Somewhere inside, Ryeowook couldn’t help but think that he had stolen their son and kept him locked away in a dingy apartment.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“How have you been?” Mrs. Park asked, rubbing Ryeowook’s shoulders and pulling him up to sit on the couch.

Mr. Park patted his back, nodding firmly. “You look healthy, boy.”

“Mm…,” Ryeowook returned the nod, “I’m okay. I’m planning on getting a new apartment. How are you both doing?”

“It’s quiet around the house,” Mr. Park stated, “we got a dog last year, though, so it’s not too boring.” He smiled a little, thin lips pressed together. “And I believe we also have some other news to share.”

Mrs. Park chuckled, hitting her husband softly in the arm. “Oh, you’re going to make the boy nervous if you say it like that.”

Ryeowook tilted his head in confusion. “What is it?”

Just as he asked that, soft wailing caught his attention. Turning around, his eyes widened. His mother came into the room with a baby in her arms. The infant boy turned large, dark eyes to Ryeowook and stared.

“Is that…,” Ryeowook trailed off.

Mrs. Park nudged him forward. “He’s eight months old.”

Ryeowook took the child, cradling him close. The baby reached up with one chubby hand, swatting at his face and giggling. He smiled with trembling lips, heart pounding oh-so quickly at the beautiful baby. “He’s absolutely breathtaking,” Ryeowook murmured, touching one pillow-like cheek.

“We spent a long time deciding on a name,” Mrs. Park explained, watching kindly at Ryeowook’s doting, “We finally decided on Park Dae-Jung, our second precious son.”

 _Dae-Jung_ … “It’s perfect,” he looked up at his mother-in-law, “I’m sure Hyungsik is smiling in heaven.”

“He’s smiling now that you’ve met his little brother,” she corrected.

“Yes…,” he nodded, chuckling.

 

***

 

Kyuhyun rubbed the back of his head, yawning as he strode down the hallway to his Paris apartment. It was already December 24th. He pulled his keys out preparing to visit the home for the first time since the night he was rejected.

That was certainly enough time for Ryeowook to leave. Knowing him, he was already making plans back in Korea to leave the apartment as well. Kyuhyun didn’t care though. Or at least, that’s what he told himself. That was all that kept him halfway sane.

They had had bad fights in the past, but this was on a completely different scale. It just seemed like there would be a chance that Ryeowook would’ve taken the proposal – even if it was out of pure pity. It wasn’t like it mattered if he was still in love with Hyungsik. They couldn’t have really been that crazy about one another…could they?

Kyuhyun wished he understood, but at the same time, he really didn’t want to know. The mere idea of Hyungsik being a better fit for Ryeowook scared him.

All he had wanted was Ryeowook’s hand in marriage. People get married all the time for any number of stupid reasons. So…why couldn’t he have said yes? Saying yes wouldn’t have been so difficult…at least in Kyuhyun’s world, marriage wasn’t that difficult.

“Where have you been?”

He came to a halt, looking the short distance to where Victoria leaned against his apartment door. “What are you doing here?” Kyuhyun demanded mildly.

“I was surprised that you were such a workaholic. You would even spend Christmas alone? That’s pretty weird, but whatever,” she shrugged, “I was coming to see if you knew Ryeowook’s address.”

“Why do you wanna know?” Kyuhyun crossed his arms, lolling to one side, supporting himself against the wall.

She rolled her eyes, “That’s none of your business.”

“Then his address is none of your business.”

“You won’t even leave work to spend Christmas with him, so don’t even give me that,” she spat. “Hand it over.”

Kyuhyun frowned, replaying her words in his head. “What…are you talking about? I’m on vacation. I don’t have work.”

“That’s not what Ryeowook told me,” Victoria retorted, “If you’re not gonna help, fine. I’ll just go straight to the employee files and find his information.” She kicked off the door, brushing past Kyuhyun.

He snatched her wrist. “Whoa, whoa, whoa stalker, slow down,” His eyes narrowed in confusion, “What’re you trying to do? Going over there and invading his family time is rude beyond belief.”

“That’s your defense?” she blanched, “Strange. I expected something more possessive.”

Kyuhyun released her, a sinking feeling in his stomach. “I…He and I aren’t together anymore.” He turned away, “Sorry. I guess…yeah.” Quickly, he unlocked his door, slamming it shut and ignoring the rapid knocking on the other side.

“What’s going on?” Victoria repeated over and over again, pounding on the wooden frame several dozens of times.

 

_Bzzt…bzzt…_

 

**Siwon: Let’s go out, Kyubaby. I’m bored.**

Kyuhyun pulled up a reply message.

 

**Kyuhyun: Shut the fuck up. Go away.**

**Siwon: I don’t think so. I’m waiting at the usual place.**

**Kyuhyun: You suck.**

**Siwon: I’ll suck whatever you want, just come here**

**Kyuhyun: You’re crazy.**

**Siwon: See you soon then.**

**Kyuhyun: Whatever.**

 

Yet he knew the moment Victoria left his door, he would be heading out to meet Siwon without a doubt. There was no one else he could go out with…besides, even if Kyuhyun didn’t want to be near him anymore, Siwon knew how to pull his strings. It was like being coiled in a cocoon. Once inside, it was impossible to emerge the same.

But maybe emerging different…new… _fresh_ was actually a good thing. Kyuhyun closed his eyes. He needed a change. He needed to feel alive again.

“Sorry Ryeowook,” he mouthed, resting his head back against the door. He couldn’t wait anymore…not when the world was right there…when the present was calling to him. Lingering in the past any longer would only destroy him.

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

 

“Enjoy yourselves,” Ryeowook smiled at his parents, relatives, and neighbors.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” his mother asked worriedly.

He shook his head, “I don’t feel like going out. It’s been a very busy few days, so I’d like to relax.”

She made a soft, reluctant noise. “Well…okay. We’ll be back late tonight.” Leaning over, she pressed a kiss to her son’s forehead. “Merry Christmas, Ryeowook.”

“Merry Christmas,” he responded, waving goodbye as his mother climbed into the car and they pulled out of the driveway.

Ryeowook sighed loudly as the house fell quiet. Turning around, he gazed up at the stairs, seeing Hyungsik and him racing upstairs. Sliding his foot over, he saw them sitting at the table arguing about food and then their relationship…and about the day Hyungsik realized he was in love.

Smiling, Ryeowook drifted towards the living room, hovering near the open space where their mound of blankets was set out and cushioned them through the long, silent night.

Slowly, he sank down on the carpet in front of the television. Inserting a tape into an old VHS, he placed that into a player. The screen crackled and cleared. Ryeowook leaned back, his breath hitching as Hyungsik’s face appeared.

When was the last time he had seen him like that? When was the last time he had touched these tapes? Ryeowook thought back on his self-help books, smiling bitterly. How many times could someone relapse? Shouldn’t three years have been enough already?

“It’s just one video,” Ryeowook told himself – reassured himself.

 

_“Is this camera on?” Hyungsik frowned at the screen, shaking it and turning it all around._

_“Look at the flashing red light, silly,” Ryeowook laughed._

_“Oh…you’re right,” Hyungsik grinned, “well, here we are! We have decided to go on a trip to the amusement park for Christmas!”He turned the camera around to Ryeowook. “Now, my beautiful date, what can you say about this wonderful present I’ve given you?”_

_“It couldn’t have been better,” Ryeowook giggled, “…well actually I wanted a nicer, more expensive—”_

_“—oh shut up!” Hyungsik laughed; the camera fumbling as he hugged his lover. “He can be so crazy sometimes,” he rolled his eyes teasingly, one arm hooked around Ryeowook’s shoulders._

_The shorter male was gasping for air, huffing and pulling at the taller one’s arm. “Let go, you giant!”_

_“Never!” he roared, grinning triumphantly, “You don’t just give up your captives!”_

_“Since when did you become a kidnapper?” Ryeowook demanded, eyes twinkling._

 

He paused the video, gazing at himself. Where did the sparkle go? Ryeowook had looked at himself time and time again in the mirror…so where was it? How much had he lost since Hyungsik died?

Ryeowook pulled his knees up. If distracting himself hadn’t helped, what else could he do? He knew he hadn’t been running away from the death for three years, because he was stuck in the same place. So…how could he be released? There was no way to be released. Ryeowook swallowed, suddenly feeling like his throat was ten times smaller and the air in the house was thinning.

He tried to gasp, but nothing happened. Squeezing his eyes, Ryeowook felt his heart beginning to race in panic.

Abruptly, the doorbell rang.

Like a rubber band pulled taut, Ryeowook snapped back into himself. Fumbling to his feet, he hurried over to the door, pulling it open.

Victoria stood on the other side. Her hands were entwined awkwardly, a small overnight suitcase beside her.

“H-Hello?” Ryeowook coughed, confused.

“Hi,” she bowed her head slightly, “I was thinking that maybe you would want company on Christmas. I mean, I know that your family came—where are they? Well, that doesn’t matter. Ah, of course it matters, but what I meant to say is that—”

“—would you like to come inside?” Ryeowook questioned, exasperated.

Victoria flushed and nodded. Stepping into the small house, she looked around, taking her shoes off at the same time. Ryeowook shut and locked the door behind her. “So where is your family?”

“I didn’t feel like going out with them today…so I’m the only one here.”

She nodded absently, fascinated with the home. It was like nothing she had ever seen. Everything was so contained and small. It didn’t even feel like a house. It felt more cramped than an apartment too.

Then her eyes fell on the television screen where Ryeowook and Hyungsik, from some four years ago, were smiling and playing around. “What were you watching?” Victoria glanced over her shoulder at him.

Ryeowook slowly came up beside her, “An old video of me and…uhm, and my husband.”

“Your what?” her head spun around so fast Ryeowook hoped she wouldn’t get whiplash.

“He passed away four years ago,” he explained carefully, eyes far away.

She fell quiet.

Ryeowook pressed “Play”.

 

_“I would become a kidnapper if you were my target,” Hyungsik flashed a brilliant smile._

_“That’s not how you pick up people,” Ryeowook scolded lightly, lips twitching up in a smile as well._

_“I don’t have to pick up anyone. You, my dear captive, already enjoy my company. That’s all I need,” he said in a softer voice._

“We knew each other since we were children,” Ryeowook explained without being prompted. His voice was soft and controlled, eyes never daring to meet Victoria’s. “He was diagnosed with a fatal illness in seventh grade.”

Victoria stayed silent, unable to conjure any helpful words.

 

_“Status report on Hyungsik and Ryeowook’s Amazing Fantastical Christmas Date! We just went through the haunted house and Ryeowook screamed and slapped one of the actors,” Hyungsik announced._

_“No one needs to know that,” he grouched, trying to wrestle the camera out of his lover’s hands._

_“I think we all need to remember that,” Hyungsik laughed, falling half over a snowy picnic table._

_Ryeowook lunged for him again, managing to grab the camera and turn it around. “He’s a crazy little butt-nugget,” he stated._

_“What sort of insult is that?” he complained, covering his face in suppressed amusement._

“He’s really happy here,” Victoria remarked slowly, reverently.

“He was like that up until the very last moment,” Ryeowook nodded gingerly, sitting down on the floor again. His eyes wouldn’t leave Hyungsik’s face, remembering every detail he had painstakingly forgotten. “If there was anyone who was my exact opposite, it would’ve been him.”

“How did you two become friends then?” She slowly sank down beside him, watching the video.

Ryeowook yawned, blinking slowly. “He was interesting and fun and exciting – everything I’m not. That was what made him so wonderful and perfect…he could make up for all the insecurities I have.”

“And what about Kyuhyun?” Victoria questioned without thinking.

Ryeowook’s mouth twitched. “He’s the perfect distraction.”

She felt a pang in her chest. It was for him – for Kyuhyun. “You don’t love him?”

“I want to love him,” Ryeowook mumbled, “I want to very badly.” He looked at the television screen, heart calling out to the laughing boy in his memories. “But I didn’t become empty when he died. I don’t have any room for someone else.”

“…What are these videos?”

“There’s a whole box full of them,” Ryeowook responded, “they’re all I have left.” He finally looked at Victoria. “…I forgot, Merry Christmas, Victoria.”

She nodded, cheeks reddening. “Merry Christmas, Ryeowook.”

 

***

 

Kyuhyun sat in the silent apartment alone. The living was dark except for the lights from the moon and city shining through the large window. He held a small wrapped present in his hands.

With precision, he tore away the decoration.

There was a rectangular velvet container. Opening it, he found a familiar silver chain inside. Kyuhyun’s eyes widened and he pulled it out, finding a folded letter underneath it. Quickly, he opened it, the silver bracelet tightly held in hand.

 

_Thank you for helping me._

_I still can’t give away the real one, but this is a promise._

_One day, I’ll get there. I know it._

_So until then, keep this as my oath._

_I’ll get better and when I do, you’ll have my real bracelet._

_You’ll have my trust._

_You’ll have everything, because my all is in that chain._

_Heart, mind, love, and freedom…_

_Merry Christmas, Kyuhyun._

_Sincerely,_

_Ryeowook_


	28. Chapter 28

 

Ryeowook supervised the movers as they took all of his bigger furniture out of their shared apartment. Sitting on the couch, he idly budgets his salary and bank accounts, making sure everything would be in order for the deposit on the new apartment.

Halfway through, his phone began buzzing. Pulling it out, he doesn’t even glance at the Caller I.D. until after answering.

“Where are you?”

Ryeowook went rigid. “…Kyuhyun?”

“God, answer the question!” he shouted.

“I’m…moving out right now.”

The man cursed on the other line. “No, stop it now. How did you even manage to get movers over a day after Christmas?” Kyuhyun made a noise and then said, “Never mind. That’s not important. Just don’t leave.”

“What are you talking about?” Ryeowook sighed, rubbing his aching head and closing his accounting books as he saw the last of the heavy furniture being taken out.

“I have your promise.”

Ryeowook’s jaw tightened.

“I know what I said,” he whispered, “I know what happened between us, but this changes everything. I don’t want you to leave. I won’t leave you. That’s my promise.”

His chest constricted, and he sank back onto the couch. When had he stood up? Ryeowook gazed down at the carpet. “’You can’t even do this much. I just can’t deal with it anymore. I’d rather be alone or unhappy again than to continue being with you. It doesn’t work.’” He quoted with absolute precision, each word driving a dagger into his body.

“I—”

“—you’re right, Kyuhyun,” Ryeowook interrupted roughly. “You shouldn’t have to deal with it. It’s not your job to fix every messed up person. It’s my fault that I can’t move forward, not yours.”

“No, Ryeowook—”

“—you’re wrong about one thing though. You won’t be alone or unhappy again, because you’re capable of moving forward. You’ll find someone new…someone who can make you happy. I know I never did that. It wasn’t permanent and I don’t think it ever will be.”

“You gave me your bracelet,” Kyuhyun rushed out, “I don’t care if it’s not the real one. One day it will be and I’ll wait for that day. So you can’t slip further away from me,” he sounded breathless, as if he was running. “If you do that, you’ll never get there.”

“It doesn’t work. You said so yourself. Being with me will always drive you insane. My good moments don’t outweigh the bad,” Ryeowook shook his head, “Kyuhyun, being with me…isn’t it like being with a drug addict? I’ll relapse again and again, but you won’t be able to stop it. You’ll keep living a miserable life so long as I’m part of it.”

“God dammit, shut up!” he shouted. “That’s okay! I don’t care. I just need you here with me.”

“You’ll get over it,” Ryeowook said quietly, finally.

Kyuhyun burst into his apartment, finding it empty. He looked around wildly, hurrying in and out of rooms. “You can’t just leave me like this. I need my secretary. I don’t have anyone else that can run my life that well,” he said pleadingly.

“If you’re still offering it, I’ll be your secretary,” Ryeowook stated calmly.

“That…That’s enough,” Kyuhyun settled, hating how desperate he felt. The silver chain jingled from its place looped through a longer necklace around Kyuhyun’s neck. “I…I guess that’s enough.”

“Then I’ll see you in a week, Mr. Cho.”

“…Are you really letting it end like this?” Kyuhyun asked weakly.

“Have a good rest of your break.”

 

Ryeowook pulled up to a modest apartment building near the outskirts of the city. He stepped out, taking his bags and walking past the movers carrying his stuff inside. Entering the one bedroom housing, he turned in a slow circle, taking in the small space.

“It’s okay,” he mumbled, smiling a little.

_You’re not okay._

Ryeowook glanced at the window, seeing Hyungsik sitting on the floor, gazing up at him. His face was so clear and although faint, still beautiful and comforting. “I’ll never be okay.”

_He’s going to drift away and then you’ll never know if you can be okay._

“You know as well as I do that he deserves someone far better…someone who can keep him happy all the time.”

_And what will you do when he’s happy?_

“I can disappear then.”

_You’re hurting him._

“He needs this pain so he can realize that I’m not the one.” Ryeowook shook his head. “I was yours. You were mine. How can I be the one for two people?”

Hyungsik’s head tilted to one side, eyes shifting. _You can’t be. But I’m gone. That means you get a redo._

He crouched down, covering his face. “I don’t want a redo. I just want you.” When was the last time he had been so overwhelmed with his own thoughts? Why were they so fucking loud? Ryeowook tried to drown out the memories and fears, but they were swarming him. They wouldn’t disperse for even a second.

Lifting his head, he searched for something – anything – to do. Looking around the barren apartment though, he found nothing.

 

Siwon came up behind Kyuhyun, kicking the door shut. “I told you it was stupid.”

“Why did you follow me?” he snapped.

“Because I gave you a chance,” he shrugged, slipping his hands out of pockets, circling around to look at Kyuhyun’s face. “We made a deal when we parted ways back then. Clearly you didn’t forget if you chose Paris of all places for this particular vacation.”

“It was just a precaution,” he muttered, “I didn’t plan on anything.”

Siwon snorted, lying back on the couch comfortably. “I gave you a few years to get your position in the company. Now you have it. You’re also not connected to anyone. Clearly this is a sign.” He smirked. “Or what? Did your pathetic little puppy love for that boy throw you off? Did you really get so caught up in your own emotions? I thought I taught you better.”

“I can’t change how I am.”

“Yeah, right, well this is the first time I’ve seen you so ineffectively using your horrible temperament.”

Kyuhyun grimaced. “I thought three years would be enough to help him. I forgot about you during that time.”

 “Aw, is that supposed to make me feel bad for you, Kyubaby?” he mocked. “You want my pity? You want me to tell you that it’s all gonna be okay?”

“Would you shut up?” he growled.

Siwon stared at him indifferently. “Why should I? Well, time is up. We’re not playing by your rules anymore. It’s my turn and this game is getting a whole lot better now.”

“My life—”

“—I gave you your power,” he deadpanned, “and I can take it away whenever the fuck I want. You lost the game. Get over it.” Siwon cracked his neck, yawning. Sitting up, he snatched Kyuhyun’s wrist, gazing unwaveringly into the male’s shaky eyes. “Do as you’re told.”  

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

 

_Six Years Ago…_

“You’ve been accepted. We’ve already sent in your deposit.”

“Yes.”

“You’re going to meet a new marriage partner tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“Wear the black blazer and blue shirt with khakis.”

“Understood.”

“When we arrive at the university, you have an interview. You memorized the responses already, right?”

“Yes.”

Mrs. Cho turned around in her seat, looking at Kyuhyun not unkindly. “I’m so excited for you, Kyu-ah. Aren’t you excited as well?”

He didn’t look at her, eyes trained on the large campus outside his window. “Yes.” Kyuhyun knew it wasn’t a real question. It was a confirmation. He couldn’t even recall the last time he had thought for himself.

“Yes, yes, that’s right. Make sure you make friends with the right people. We gave you that little sheet with all of the sons of major companies in there. Don’t talk to too many girls though. They’ll expect a lot and you’ll only be involved in more scandals. Understand?”

“Understood,” Kyuhyun droned, sighing under his breath.

There were only three words his parents ever wanted to hear.

_Yes._

_Okay._

_Understood._

Anything else was considered rebellious. Lies weren’t acceptable, unless they were to the rest of the world. They couldn’t have their son falling out of their hands. What would happen if he had a moment to simply _breathe_? He could wreak havoc…destroy their company…evidently end the world in the process too.

The car came to a stop and Kyuhyun leaned back on the leather seat, waiting for someone to open the door for him. God forbid it if he did that much.

“Let’s go, Young Master Cho,” the driver murmured as the door was held open.

“Okay.” He didn’t look at the man – didn’t even utter a “thank you” because his parents had beat it into him that there are classifications for humans. There are those who stand at the top, and then there are those who are second-class and existing to serve the high-end individuals with futures.

Words and phrases like “thank you” weren’t proper.

“Come this way,” Mr. Cho stated, walking with chin held high towards the designated orientation building.

Kyuhyun looked around the campus again, wondering what it must be like to live there. His parents were already fervently against him staying in the dorms. They had made a complete back story about his weak health and sensitive mental state for the academy and they had given him an entire back story for the public involving something about how dorms are degrading and foul and only low class people stay in them.

That was certainly the best way to make friends, apparently.

Kyuhyun’s eyes locked with a tall, dark haired boy sitting with a group of students. One by one, they all looked over to Kyuhyun and then the tall one waved very slightly, lips curled up challengingly.

He averted his gaze, not sure what to do with that. Kyuhyun frowned, stuffing his hands into pockets and directing his attention to his parents’ backsides.

 

“You know him?”

Siwon was still eyeing the young freshman and only answered the prompt when Kyuhyun disappeared into the building. “I’ve heard of him.”

“You’ve heard of everyone,” the friend rolled his eyes.

“Yes, I have,” he grinned, “but that’s not what I meant, Heechul.” Siwon looked down at the androgynous male. “That kid is Cho Kyuhyun. He’s the squeakiest clean rich boy around. Well, except for one suicide attempt a year or two ago. His parents covered that up real neatly though.”

“He sounds like a total loser,” Heechul laughed, running his fingers absently through his boyfriend’s hair. “Don’t you think so, Hangeng?”

The Chinese student played with Heechul’s free hand, and shrugged. “I guess so. I’m sure Siwon thinks he’ll be fun.”

“You know me so well,” he murmured, “why couldn’t you have chosen me rather than Heechul?” Siwon teased.

“Get the fuck out,” Heechul snarled, hugging his lover closer. Hangeng made an exasperated sound, but smiled nonetheless.

“Gladly,” Siwon hopped down from the table, “I’m gonna go have some fun.” He trailed in after the final freshmen, doors shutting.

Looking around, he saw an empty seat beside Kyuhyun, both of his parents having been ushered into a parent orientation. Without them guarding him, he looked rather relaxed. Siwon rolled his eyes; obviously the kid would be calmer without two hawks hovering over him.

“Hey,” he greeted, sinking down in the chair, one arm slung across the back of Kyuhyun’s seat in the semi-dark auditorium. “You were checking me out earlier, weren’t you?”

“I don’t think so,” Kyuhyun responded, muscles tense. Was this how all college students acted?

“Fine,” Siwon mumbled, “well, I’m checking you out now. Let’s talk. What’s your name?”

“Kyuhyun,” he answered stiffly.

“Siwon,” he returned, “So Kyuhyun, do you know who I am?”

His dark eyes flickered over to the male and then his brain was rifling through the list of approachable people. “Choi Siwon, son of an international trading company.”

“That’s right, Son of Mr. Korea,” he drawled mockingly, “your dad just does everything, doesn’t he?”

“I guess so,” Kyuhyun muttered, eyes shifting around awkwardly. He couldn’t help that his heart was beating faster though. It was a new situation – one without his parents.

Siwon smirked. “Are your parents gonna keep you at home?”

“That’s the plan.”

“I doubt that’ll be any fun,” he remarked, closing his arm around Kyuhyun’s shoulders, free hand resting on the boy’s knee. “I mean, how are you gonna make good friends when you’re so far away from the parties and dorms?”

“I…,” Kyuhyun trailed off, breath hitching as he watched that hand slide higher up his thigh. “What are you doing?” he finally demanded.

“Showing you what you’ll be missing,” Siwon hovered closed to the male’s ear, teeth grazing the lobe. “All you have to do is tell them in that interview that you wanna stay in the dorms. Your parents can’t stop you then.”

Kyuhyun swallowed hard. It was so tempting. The guy was right. He had a chance – just one – to start breaking away.

“You can do it,” he whispered, “and then we can continue this.” Siwon’s fingers brushed over his crotch, smirking when the boy jumped.

Kyuhyun shot him a half-frantic, half-pissed look.

Siwon withdrew, standing up, “Good luck, Kyubaby. I’ll be waiting.”

 

_Two Months Later…_

Kyuhyun stared up at the dorm building, two suitcases in his possession.

“How’d you do it?”

He turned around, seeing Siwon coming towards him.

“I told the interviewer that day,” he responded, “and then I ignored my parents until they agreed. I thought it would’ve been more difficult.”

“It’s never too hard when they think they have all the power,” Siwon stated, taking one of Kyuhyun’s suitcases, “The moment something falls out of hand, they’ll panic. It’s the double-edged sword of power.”

When he noticed Kyuhyun still standing there, he glanced back, seeing the calculating awe on the boy’s face. Siwon internalized a smirk. He had him and he knew it. “If you wanna learn more, I’ve got some great games for you.”

“Thanks…Siwon.”

 

_Some Months Later…_

Kyuhyun laughed, taking a swig from the liquor bottle. “Ah fuck, shut up. I was so close!”

“You took two months,” Siwon scoffed, “When you can meet my record, I’ll praise you.” He pulled the young man into his arms, resting the back of Kyuhyun’s head on his bare chest. “I’m impressed though. When you first got here I never thought you’d get so addicted to the game.”

“It’s freeing,” Kyuhyun sighed, gazing down at their tangled limbs in the bed sheets, “I know how to deal with my parents now too.”

“You don’t feel bad about all of this heartbreaking?” Siwon cocked an eyebrow.

“Well, your game isn’t only about that,” Kyuhyun shrugged, “it’s about power and how to take people so they bend to your will. It was never about the sex or love. Those things are useless.” He paused, “Then again, that last statement really doesn’t have to do with you. Theories on sex and love were the only useful things my parents gave me.”

Siwon took the bottle, setting it aside and rolling Kyuhyun on top of him. “Two months isn’t so bad for a newbie, I suppose.” He grinned, pressing his lips to the other male, “wanna prize?”

“Always,” Kyuhyun chuckled, wrapping his arms around his friend and mentor’s neck.

 

 

 

 


	30. Chapter 30

 

_Two Years Later…_

“Where are you headed?” the boy asked, sitting up with a bed sheet modestly covering his body.

Kyuhyun buttoned his white shirt sleeve. He looked down at the person he had spent the past three days with and smirked. “Going to collect my prize. See ya.” Grabbing his blazer, Kyuhyun passed through the open doorway.

Once down the stairs, he dialed a familiar number, waiting only a brief moment before getting an answer.

“Three days? That’s better than I expected,” Siwon mused on the other end of the phone.

“I matched your record, don’t even,” Kyuhyun snorted.

“You got them to confess?”

“Yup,”

“They paid for everything?”

“No doubt.

“Got sex?”

“Of course.”

“Break their heart?”

“Probably.”

“Did you see them crying?” Siwon persisted.

Kyuhyun frowned. “I guess not.”

“Oh…so close,” he teased.

“Shut up, I did great,” Kyuhyun snapped. He opened the door to a waiting black car. Inside, he saw Siwon grinning at him. Ending the call, he climbed in and passed his phone over to the other male. “Besides, I think those pictures make up for a lack of tears.”

Siwon’s eyebrows rose up as he scrolled through the phone’s picture gallery. “He really let you take pictures?”

“I’m just that good.” He smirked.

“Or he’s a slut.”

Kyuhyun took the phone back, deleting the album of the naked boy’s photos. “You chose him. I’m sure he’s not a slut then. You always pick the biggest prudes.”

“It’s to train you,” Siwon assured, “The harder a person is the crack, the greater the reward will be when you finally get them. It’s all about that power and control. You’ve always wanted that, haven’t you?”

“Obviously,” Kyuhyun rolled his eyes, “I’m so sick of dealing with idiotic rich people who want to tell me how to live.”

“You’re such an ungrateful son,” he remarked, amused.

“I’ve become more ungrateful since meeting you,” Kyuhyun shot back.

“Cute, Kyubaby,” Siwon sneered, “I don’t think I’m scared to send you out into the real world anymore.”

Kyuhyun sighed, getting comfortable in the seat. “So, what’s the next big game? I want something more difficult.”

“Already figured it out,” he tossed a thick manila envelope to the young man. “You know how you’re always struggling with finding a good secretary?” Siwon prompted, seeing Kyuhyun nod along, “Well, I found you one.”

“What does that mean?” Kyuhyun opened the folder, seeing a profile and several formal documents attached.

“I read up about him,” Siwon explained, “he graduated college near the top of his class, lives alone, and never breaks routine. It looks like he’s also attached to someone who’s gone. I don’t know what exactly happened, but he’s ice cold.”

“Sounds like fun,” Kyuhyun smirked, studying the picture attached, “He’s cute.”

“Very,” the other male drawled, “and I’m giving you six months to get three things from him.” Siwon smiled, “One, his trust.”

“Easy.”

“Two, sex.”

“Are you even challenging me?” Kyuhyun cocked an eyebrow.

“Ah, ah, last one,” Siwon scolded, “Three, his hand in marriage.”

Kyuhyun stared uncomprehendingly. “…What?”

“Get him to say yes and then break his heart. That’s all it takes,” Siwon shrugged, “or are you nervous that six months isn’t enough?”

He bared his teeth in annoyance. “Six months is plenty.” And then he shut the envelope, heart racing in anticipation.

“The game isn’t over yet, Kyuhyun.”

Hs ears perked up and he turned to look at the devilishly excited male. “What?”

Siwon’s smile widened. “If you fail, I’m taking everything,” his voice dropped, “it’s the ultimate victory or loss. Got it?”

Kyuhyun nodded without thinking it over for even a second.

Everything meant everything in Kyuhyun’s life – his assets, his home, his decisions, his body, his very attitude would be back under Siwon’s control. It was a risk, but he hardly cared. Siwon couldn’t win this game. It was completely turned in his favor. Six months to make one person fall in love? That was child’s play.

As much as he had enjoyed learning from the man, the last thing he wanted was to fall backwards into that mess again. He had clawed his way up and now he was being set free…so long as he won the game.

Siwon just laughed. The kid was so great. He was a gambler, a daredevil – anything like that. His constantly changing emotions were always a plus as well. If it was anyone else, Siwon was positive they wouldn’t be able to control the erratic behavior, but Kyuhyun did a fine job of tuning it all into the right place.

“What’s his name again?” Siwon questioned.

“Kim Ryeowook,” he replied without hesitation, “the last obstacle.” Kyuhyun smirked, body humming with energy as he imagined finally escaping.

 


	31. Chapter 31

 

_Three Years Ago…_

It was supposed to be just a game.

Kyuhyun had spent the past years training for anything and now as he reached the end, he was going to fall short? That wasn’t fucking fair. He paced back and forth in his apartment, anxiously waiting for the doorbell.

The second that it rang, he jumped and hurried over to open it.

Standing on the other side of the threshold was a breathtaking young man. His eyes were dark and calm, skin pale and smooth. Slender curves were outlined by casual clothes, a bowler hat placed on his brown locks. “Hi, Kyuhyun,” he nodded.

Why did he have to say his name in such a wonderful way? Kyuhyun couldn’t even comprehend what he found so attractive about the male. He was positive that it wasn’t love, because he had felt those sensations with Siwon and a handful of others. It was primal lust and that was easy to deal with.

“Hey,” Kyuhyun responded, pulling the shorter male towards him. He paused for a moment before closing the distance and pressing a quick heated kiss to those lips. Butterflies erupted in his stomach and he pulled back, gazing down at Ryeowook. “Thanks for agreeing to this.”

“You said you would fire me if I didn’t agree to one date,” he stated, “I didn’t really have a choice.”

Kyuhyun smirked, “That’s right. I had almost forgotten. Are you regretting it yet?”

“Maybe not,” Ryeowook answered quietly, cheeks coloring.

“Let’s go,” he took the male’s hand, pulling him out of the apartment and down the hallway. “We’re going to the pier.”

“Why the pier?” he tilted his head, confused.

“Because sunset on the water front is to die for,” Kyuhyun said flippantly, “have you ever been there?”

“No, I haven’t done much,” Ryeowook said, fumbling to keep up with the excited male, “it’s rather busy taking care of your life.”

“Oh? I never noticed,” he grinned, snickering.

“You’re evil, Kyuhyun,” he frowned, unable to stop the faint traces of a smile though.

The taller male glanced down at him, seeing the expression. “You’re very cute and oh-so very caught by an evil man right now.” He lowered his head, inches away from that beautiful face, “Is that going to be a problem, Ryeowook?”

His eyes widened, lips parting and face flushing, “Uh, n-no…I mean, yes?” Ryeowook looked away, covering his face in embarrassment.

Kyuhyun turned him back around, capturing another fleeting kiss. “Just teasing, cutie,” he whispered, chuckling.

They chatted and laughed as they walked down the street towards the pier. Traffic was heavy and people were honking their horns but neither of them took notice. The world wrapped around them, expelling anything foul. Kyuhyun swung their connected hands, unable to remember the last time he had laughed so much for the simplest reasons. He wasn’t even sure what was so funny, but something was and he couldn’t care less what that something was.

By the time they arrived at the pier, they were too high on humor that they fumbled down to the beach front, kicking their sandals off and falling into the sand.

Ryeowook’s hat fell, landing with a silent plop in the soft earth. He tilted his head to look at Kyuhyun, a smile stretching his face. “Thank you for inviting me on a date,” Ryeowook suddenly said, “I haven’t had fun in a long time.”

“Why is that?” Kyuhyun lied back in the sand, squinting up at the male. He reached around and found the hat, covering his face with it.

“Because I’ve only ever had one great friend. He’s not around anymore, though.” Ryeowook hugged his knees lazily, chin resting atop them. Closing his eyes, he hummed a soft tune, smiling lightly. “I don’t like thinking about it, so doing things like this are helpful.”

Kyuhyun lifted the lip of the hat up, gazing thoughtfully at the young man. “If you ever want to stop thinking about him…I’m here. You can think about me until he’s gone.”

“…that’s sweet,” Ryeowook said softly, turning his head to smile at his boss, “I’ll remember that, Kyuhyun.”

It was that single moment.

Everything clicked then as the rest of his world shattered and tumbled into the darkness. Kyuhyun stared at Ryeowook, unable to look away as he felt something shifting inside of him. His perfect smile and that tiny, ghostly flicker of light in those pretty eyes engraved themselves into Kyuhyun’s mind.

He wanted to see that smile and that twinkle forever. It was all he wanted – nothing more and nothing less. Kyuhyun could see himself waiting eternally for that expression again.

 

“Good night,” he whispered as the taxi was parked outside of Ryeowook’s apartment. Kyuhyun held his face gently, kissing him with the utmost sincerity.

The slender beauty returned the touch hesitantly, hand pressed into Kyuhyun’s shirt. “Good night, Kyuhyun,” he mumbled, meeting his eyes once more before back out of the cab.

A small part of Kyuhyun hurt from the departure and then he was pulling Ryeowook back inside, tipping his head back and kissing him urgently. The touch, the taste…everything was making him melt in the greatest way possible.

He finally released him, brushing the slightly mussed hair out of Ryeowook’s face. “Sorry…,” he apologized faintly, “I…will see you tomorrow.”

“Mm…,” Ryeowook nodded, seemingly dazed. He blinked, shaking himself out of it and climbing out quicker this time. “Good night.” Bowing his head, he shut the door and waved goodbye.

Kyuhyun immediately pulled out his phone, checking his email. As expected, there was a new message.

 

**From: Siwon**

**Subject: The Game**

**I gave you an extra month. It’s up now. What’s the verdict?**

Kyuhyun pulled up a reply, fingers flying fast across the keys.

 

**To: Siwon**

**Subject: Re: The Game**

**I can’t do this anymore. He’s special and I want to see where we can go. Don’t contact me anymore. I’m done with you and these games. Bye.**

And then he blocked the email address. Sighing heavily, Kyuhyun fell back against the rough cushions. Smiling, he thought back on the date, promising to never let go of that image – that angel on the sand.

What would it take to bring light back to those eyes? Kyuhyun looked out the window. _If anyone can do it, I can._

 

 


	32. Chapter 32

 

“In three years, you couldn’t get him. Shouldn’t you understand at this point what that means?” Siwon watched Kyuhyun getting ready for work, not surprised to see the male carefully choosing his clothing. Everything was about control and he could still see Kyuhyun’s habits.

“I already gave him up,” he stated, knotting his tie.

“Two things,” Siwon grunted, standing up and walking over to Kyuhyun, “one: you begged him to stay as your assistant,” he popped the top button of the male’s shirt, hooking his finger through the silver chain around his neck, “two: this lame jewelry isn’t just a bad fashion statement.”

Kyuhyun jerked away, fixing his button and tightening his tie. “It’s none…,” he trailed off.

“That’s right,” a wickedly victorious smile crossing his lips, “three years…I gave you _three years_ to get just one person and you couldn’t manage that. Obviously you’re not ready to leave the nest yet.”

Siwon circled around, closing his hands around Kyuhyun’s waist, “You knew it was a warning…you were still checking my messages,” he unbuckled the handsome man’s belt, “you saw the countdown…” Siwon bit Kyuhyun’s neck, chuckling when he twitched.

“I just didn’t want you coming here,” he hissed, “I didn’t think you’d actually call though.”

“Well, what was I supposed to do? You weren’t answering any messages, email or otherwise.” Siwon slid his hands inside Kyuhyun’s pants, letting the material rumple, “None of it matters anymore. You came to find me in Paris when you lost the game.”

“It wasn’t a game anymore!” Kyuhyun shouted, gasping when he was thrown back onto the bed. He turned around, glowering at the man standing over him. “I…I don’t know why I went to you.”

“Because deep down you knew that it was still just a bet between friends,” Siwon murmured, pinning him back to sheets, “you thought you were in love, but people like you…,” he shook his head, “people like _us_ who live for control, well, we can’t love. Loving is for the weak and useless. Being in love makes you vulnerable and pathetic.”

He laughed sharply, “Just look at your precious _Ryeowook_. He’s pining after a fucking dead man. He’s an idiot and you’re an even bigger idiot for wanting someone so disgusting.” Siwon yanked the tie free of its loop, a feral grin on his lips. “Tell me I’m wrong, you sore loser.”

Kyuhyun ground his teeth together, every word striking long forgotten chords. He was right. He was so right it wasn’t even funny.

Maybe he wasn’t ready to leave Siwon yet.

“Now,” he ran his fingers over Kyuhyun’s pale chest, feeling every shudder that ran through that body, “I’ve given you plenty of days to mope and get the fuck over this kid. We’re done with all of this romantic shit, got it?” Siwon stared coldly down at Kyuhyun.

“Yeah…I get it,” he whispered.

“Then you’re calling in late for work,” Siwon stated, smiling.

Kyuhyun shot him a glare before grabbing his cell phone and dialing Ryeowook’s phone. He felt adrenaline racing through his veins, half from waiting to hear that voice he so pathetically wished for, and half from the feeling of Siwon taking control again.

“Good morning, Mr. Cho,” he greeted.

“Coming in late for work,” Kyuhyun stated briefly, trying not to moan at the ministrations to his body. He ended the call, tossing the phone aside and relishing in the familiar hot touches and cold emotions.

 

Ryeowook turned back to his work, staring blankly at the computer screen. He was exhausted. Sleeping hadn’t been on the schedule apparently. The environmental change was too drastic and he couldn’t stop _thinking_. That’s all he did throughout the night and early morning.

Distractions were abundant in Kyuhyun’s home. He barked a laugh in the empty office, pushing away from the computer and letting lose a heavy, haggard sigh.

Someone like Kyuhyun…well, he was difficult. Then again, Ryeowook was probably equally – if not more, difficult. He already understood that people who spout “forever” and “eternally” are full of it. It was ridiculous to think Kyuhyun would truly wait that long.

No.

It was worse of Ryeowook to silently ask him for such a thing. How could he do something that stupid? How could he expose such a kind person to such a frustrating situation?

No one wanted damaged goods, especially when they were as damaged as Ryeowook. Just…who wanted someone like him? Someone who felt like three years was only three days, someone who was so sensitive he starved himself for years, someone who just couldn’t climb out of denial.

Ryeowook raked fingers through his hair, angry at himself for getting so caught up in Kyuhyun’s promises. The man clearly wouldn’t care about that bracelet – not forever, at least. They were playing a game where no one could win.

How could Kyuhyun help him at all when Ryeowook himself didn’t know how to feel better? His heart and mind collided day after day – one telling him that Hyungsik is dead, and the other telling him that forever means forever and ever, whether or not that forever means eternal waiting.

_Please don’t die…don’t leave me alone…I won’t know what to do when you’re gone…do you understand…?_

Ryeowook squeezed his eyes, rubbing his head painfully. “Shut up…,” he whispered, trying to stop that particular vision. It hurt more than the others – much more.

Then there was a knock at the door. He shot up, eyes wild and anxious. Hurrying over, he whipped it open, seeing Changmin on the other side. “Hello, what do you need?” Ryeowook asked quickly, hopefully.

Anything…anything to stop the memories was fine.

“Uh,” Changmin stared at the excited young man curiously, “I just came to bother Kyuhyun. Is he here?”

“Mr. Cho is currently at home with business to take care of. He’ll be coming in later,” Ryeowook responded, “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“He’s playing hooky and you’re letting him?” he leaned against the door frame, amused, “That’s strange. Did you two get into a fight?”

“It’s nothing to be concerned about,” Ryeowook answered, “he was insistent on not coming in on time, so I couldn’t stop him.”

“Wow, so even you can give up on things like this,” he chuckled, “well alright then—” Changmin stopped midsentence, seeing a young woman appearing in the doorway beside him. Quickly, he stepped aside for her to come through. “Excuse me,” he nodded apologetically.

“It’s okay,” Victoria replied, smiling at him sheepishly. She noticed Ryeowook and broke into a wide grin. “Ah, Ryeowook! So I was thinking a lot about Christmas and that video.”

“Really?” he questioned tiredly, not wanting to think about all of that again.

“Well, from what I gather, you’ve been running away for far too long,” she stated, “you need to face it head on. You probably haven’t watched any of those video tapes, have you?”

Ryeowook paused, and then shook his head. “No…I haven’t.”

“What are you two talking about?” Changmin chimed in, head tilted to one side.

Victoria hesitated, looking to Ryeowook. The latter waved his hand, exhausted and uncaring already. “Say it, I don’t care anymore,” he sighed.

“Oh,” she turned to Changmin, “we’re talking about rehab.”

“Rehab?” Changmin repeated, eyes widening. “Oh my god, did Kyuhyun finally overdose? Is that why he’s at home?”

Ryeowook glanced at Victoria, silently scolding her. She looked away awkwardly. “No, she’s talking about me,” he clarified, but it seemed to only confuse Changmin more. “It’s really too early to be talking about it. After work today, I’ll tell you more.”

“Well, alright,” he nodded slowly, “are we going over to your place? I heard something about videos?”

“Yes, I suppose that’s correct,” Ryeowook shrugged.

Changmin waved his goodbye then, remembering that he was on his way to a meeting. Once out of sight, Victoria smiled at Ryeowook. “I think this will be good.”

“What do you mean?” he furrowed his brow.

“Well, the more friends, the better. Didn’t you have friends to help you after he passed away?” her lips quirked up, but then her expression fell as it dawned on her that Ryeowook really didn’t have anyone, not even back then. “You…didn’t have anyone during those years?”

He cast his eyes down. “I was never good at making friends.”

“Oh boy,” she shook her head in disbelief. Victoria gently took his hand, squeezing it and shaking. “We’re friends. It’s never too late, so we’ll get through it together.” She glanced at the door, “And I suppose that man is your friend too.”

Ryeowook simply stared at her, not knowing what to say.

Victoria chuckled. “Don’t give me that look,” he patted his backside, “be happy. You have friends now.”

He let a little smile touch his lips, giving their clasped hands a gentle squeeze. _Hmm…friends…_

 


	33. Chapter 33

 

Ryeowook checked the clock on the wall. It was already half past seven and Kyuhyun hadn’t shown up yet. The door clicked open and he sat up straight, looking over to see Changmin coming inside.

“You still here?” he questioned, frowning. “Did Kyuhyun ever show up?”

“No,” Ryeowook responded, leaning back in his chair. “I think I’ll wait for him—”

“—you’ve gotta be kidding me,” Changmin cut off, “no way are you staying here waiting for someone who will never come.”

He was quiet for a long second, and then he was looking up at Changmin. “…That’s silly isn’t it?”

“Very,” he nodded.

“I…see,” Ryeowook said softly, standing up and grabbing his bag, “then should we go?”

“Yup, that’s the plan,” he grinned, holding the door open for Ryeowook to pass through.

They headed down the hallway together, most of the employees having already left for the night. A few rooms were lit up with late night workers, but nothing else. Changmin pushed the door at the end of the corridor open, and they took off as a brisk jog down the staircase.

“Do you take the stairs every day?” Ryeowook asked eyes wide as he tried to keep up.

“Yup!” Changmin called back, laughing as he made it down another flight, “I love exercise; so twenty flights can really get the blood pumping after a long day!”

Gawking, he hurried to catch up, stumbling and sliding to the echoing metal steps. Ryeowook managed a faint smile, feeling air rushing past him as he raced after Changmin. “How often do you work out?” he blurted, one platform behind the other male.

“Every morning,” he responded cheerily, “you wanna join me?”

Ryeowook leaned over the railing breathlessly, seeing the man snickering and jumping down the last three or so steps of a particular flight. “Hey! That’s cheating!” Ryeowook shouted down, chest pounding and heart warm. Pushing off from the railing, he rushed after Changmin’s laughter, unable to help his own grin then.

“It’s not cheating! You can do it too!” he argued, “So? Do you wanna go work out tomorrow morning?”

“I don’t know if I’m healthy enough for that,” Ryeowook stopped at the third to last step, swinging his body forward, landing and fumbling a few steps.

Changmin paused, beaming when he heard and saw the jump. “That’s weird. You go to the gym to get healthy! It’s no big deal.” He waited until Ryeowook was only half a flight away before bounding down the rattling steps again.

They made it to the end, Changmin still grinning and laughing. Ryeowook was breathing hard, holding his chest and trying to return the expression on the other’s face. After a delayed minute to allow the slender male to catch his breath, Changmin nodded towards the door. “C’mon, we don’t want to keep Victoria waiting. That’s her name right?”

“Yes, Victoria,” Ryeowook confirmed, “she’s the person Kyuhyun’s parents want him to marry.”

Changmin’s eyes widened and then he had an excited light in his eyes that seemed so nostalgic. “No way…she’s not his type at all.”

“I noticed,” he responded, chuckling as they headed to a waiting car in front of the building.

“She’s way too bright and…alive,” Changmin scoffed, “Kyuhyun would probably get annoyed in a heartbeat.”

“That sounds about right,” Ryeowook agreed, mouth quirking up on one side.

 

Soon enough, the pair was walking up the steps to Ryeowook’s apartment. Once inside, they noticed Victoria waiting outside the door. “How long have you been here?” Changmin inquired, awed.

“Not too long,” she assured, seeing the worry on Ryeowook’s face, “I promise. I got here some ten minutes ago.”

“That’s a while,” Ryeowook stated, side stepping her and unlocking his door. “Would you two like something to drink?” He allowed them inside, simultaneously surveying to see if there was any mess.

Obviously, there was not.

Changmin slipped his shoes off and walked into the living room. “This place is pretty nice,” he whistled, “Kyuhyun’s secretary certainly gets a nice paycheck, huh.”

“I just save money,” Ryeowook replied lightly, pouring out three cups of water, “Do you have anything you want to eat?”

Victoria’s face lit up and she came up next to him. “Are you going to cook?”

Changmin popped up over the ledge of the counter, one eyebrow cocked, “Are you a good cook or something?”

“Uhm, I guess I am,” Ryeowook said nervously, “but I meant would you like take-out?”

They both slumped, disappointed, “Yeah, Chinese is fine,” one or both mumbled before slinking off to the living room.

He smiled after them, suppressing a laugh. It was a different sort of atmosphere – one that he had never really known. Friends were…Ryeowook shook his head, grabbing a phone, he had forgotten what friends were really like.

Some minutes later, he came over to the couch, seeing Victoria filling Changmin in on what little information she knew about the situation. Upon Ryeowook’s appearance, they stopped talking, turning to him for more details. “Okay, this chick doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” Changmin jabbed a thumb at Victoria, “what happened with you and your ex-husband?”

Victoria slapped him in the arm, pouting.

He rolled his eyes, brushing her off.

Ryeowook pursed his lips, and then decided that maybe it was best to start with one of the hardest memories. Standing up, he walked over to the television and dug through a bin of video tapes. Finding the right one, he set it up and pushed the VHS into the player.

“His name is Hyungsik,” Ryeowook stated, “he and I met when we were children and he died halfway through his senior year of high school.” He pressed “play” and then said, “This is a video from one of his hospital visits.”

 

 


	34. Chapter 34

 

_“Smile for me, gorgeous. I’m still alive, so tell me what you’re feeling right now.”_

_Ryeowook’s face crumpled and he closed the distance between them. The camera tumbled aside, filming the white hospital blanket. “I don’t want you to die! Please don’t die…don’t leave me alone…I won’t know what to do when you’re gone…do you understand…?” Ryeowook’s broken voice rumbled through the recorder._

_“Ssh…we still have time,” Hyungsik whispered gently, “Don’t think about the future…not yet. Right now it’s just us and until the future comes, it will be just us.”_

_“T-The second y-you’re out of h-here…,” Ryeowook spoke again, sounding like he was suppressing sobs, “move in with me. I don’t w-want to spend any more time apart…”_

_“Yeah…we can wake up next to each other, and we can go grocery shopping together…cooking together…leaving for school together…”_

_“Will you be alright in high school alone?” Ryeowook mumbled before giggling quietly, “…I’m not going to be around you…”_

_“The teachers know what’s up,” he assured, “I won’t let anything ruin these final months.”_

_The video camera was taken up again then, showing the couple lying next to each other on the narrow bed. Hyungsik’s arm went around Ryeowook’s shoulders, holding him close on the narrow mattress._

_Clearing his throat, Ryeowook turned on the device and looked into the lens, having not noticed that it never turned off. “Today we decided to move in together. Just the two of us, a broke college freshman, and a…,” he licked his lips, and then looked into the camera again, “…and a high school senior with the heart and soul of an elementary kid.”_

_“Hey!” Hyungsik complained, laughing and poking his boyfriend. “That’s no way to be talking about the person you love.”_

_“I think that’s the perfect way to talk about the person I love,” he teased, giggling and trying to get away when the younger male started pulling on his cheek and nudging him out of the bed. “I love you more than anyone, Hyungsik,” Ryeowook grinned, eyes shining brightly, “and we’re going to make the next eight months the best you’ve ever had.”_

 

Changmin paused the video. The other two turned to him. “Sorry,” he mumbled, “I just didn’t expect such a serious recording right off the bat.” He sort of didn’t want to see what followed this scene.

“I wanted to get this one over with,” Ryeowook explained, “it’s one of the harder recordings to get through.”

“I can’t imagine a harder one.”

“There’s probably only one that beats it,” he shrugged, picking at a random spot on a side table, “when we got married, we filmed the ceremony.”

Changmin shook his head, “Oh god, I don’t wanna see that. This is already sad as hell,” he nodded to the television.

Ryeowook smiled a little. “Yeah, it is.”

“He’s really cute, Ryeowook,” Victoria remarked, “I’ve never really seen someone with such a bright smile.”

“I agree,” Changmin added, “for a sick patient, he was pretty lively.”

“I told Victoria the other day that he was always like that,” Ryeowook responded, lips pulled up into a smile as he spoke, “It probably made it harder to accept that he was going to disappear soon…he just never made it seem like that.”

Changmin nodded carefully. “You know what sucks about death – aside from the whole death part?”

“What?”

“The person that’s left behind,” he stated, eyes focused on a spot on the ceiling as he pieced his sentence together gingerly, “it’s so easy to lose that person as well. When you’re gone, you don’t have to deal with the pain anymore. When you’re the one still here…it’s hard to deal with it alone. That’s the issue with you, isn’t it, Ryeowook? You didn’t have anyone but him, and I’m sorry about that.”

“I…,” he trailed off, not sure what to say. Everything was true, and it just made him feel oddly warm inside. It was a different sort of sensation than anything else he had ever felt. It seemed like friends – were they really considered friends? – could do some amazing things.

Victoria smiled at him, “You okay?”

“Maybe,” Ryeowook said in a small voice, pulling his knees up as he nodded towards the television, “…I think the clip after this one isn’t so sad. Wanna watch it?”

“Of course,” Changmin grinned, pressing play.

 

_“It’s morning now, roughly four o’clock,” Hyungsik whispered to the camera. He directed it to Ryeowook who was lying beside him, snuggled up and sleeping. “Isn’t he just the cutest little thing?” Hyungsik rolled his eyes playfully._

_Leaning over, he gazed down at the boy, lips parting before closing again. “…You know, I hope he’s okay after all of this. I’m worried, but I guess we’re always worried about one another.”_

_Hyungsik directed the camera back to himself. “In case he forgets over time, I’ll tell you something. People are always telling stories about how you first realized you’re in love with someone. Well, I’ve told Ryeowook before, but I’ll tell you too, because a confession – the very first confession – should be documented in every relationship. Memories fade, but when you have a reminder like this, you won’t forget so easily.”_

_He sighed, smiling curiously. “Alright, so let’s start. It was back when we were eight years old. Ryeowook, you carried me all the way back home after we got into a fight with some playground bullies. I…just couldn’t believe I had such an awesome friend. Of course, I didn’t know I was in love, but looking back, it had to be, because my next thought was that I wanted to live with you forever and ever.”_

_Looking down, he directed the camera to show Ryeowook beginning to wake up. “I guess I’m out of time. I’ll tell you a fun story next time too,” he winked, the camera shutting off._

“Damn, what a smooth talker,” Changmin whistled. Victoria smacked him again. He made a noise, shooting her a glare. “Hey! What? It was just an observation!”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” she rolled her eyes.

“It’s fine,” Ryeowook chuckled, “he really was a smooth talker. If anyone could charm their way out of a situation, it was Hyungsik.” He looked at Victoria and Changmin. “He was really popular, but he always spent time with me. I’ve always been thankful for that.”

“I can see why you had a hard time making friends,” Changmin commented, “if I had a friend like Hyungsik, I don’t think anyone could compare.”

Ryeowook peered at them, smiling a little more sincerely. “You two together are pretty close to one Hyungsik. Being around anyone that’s outgoing and kind reminds me of him.”

Victoria blushed, while Changmin just grinned. “Aren’t you trusting us pretty fast there?” he pointed out.

“Only as fast as you two decided to do something as nice as this,” Ryeowook responded.

“True,” Changmin snickered.

The door bell rang then.

Ryeowook stood up, heading over to get their food.

Victoria looked back at the screen. “…If it was you, do you think you could ever find someone new to love?”

Changmin was quiet for a second and then he shook his head. “I’m not sure,” he gazed at the black display, “there’s always a chance though…if the person is special enough.”

 


	35. Chapter 35

 

Kyuhyun blinked a few times, groaning and pushing himself up. Rubbing his head, he slowly looked around, trying to figure out where he was. It definitely wasn’t his apartment and it didn’t look like any place he had ever been to be before.

The walls were dark brick with other random people passed out on dirty furniture and tables. He coughed a few times, getting to his feet groggily. Seeing his jacket lying in a heap on the bar, Kyuhyun reached for it, but stopped when he smelled an odor rising from the fabric. Cringing away, he stumbled towards the red exit sign.

He dragged himself up the concrete steps, emerging into an alley at daybreak. There was barely anyone on the roads and stores were just beginning to make noise. Kyuhyun yawned, flinching against the brightness of the upper world.

His phone vibrated inside his pants pocket and he pulled it out, grunting out an answer.

“Mr. Cho, you haven’t been to work in three days,” Ryeowook stated calmly.

Kyuhyun knocked a trash can over accidentally, growling at the loud noise it made. “Ugh, shut up,” he snarled, “I’m taking the week off. Fix my appointments.” And then he hung up.

The phone rang again though.

“What now?!” he nearly screamed.

“Guessing you just woke up, Kyubaby?”

Kyuhyun leaned back against a wall, trying to still his dizzying vision. “Where the fuck, am I, Siwon?”

“Hell if I know. We lost track of you last night at the club. At least you’re still alive.”

He glowered at the sky. “You’re such an asshole.”

“Maybe next time you won’t drink like you’re a dying man.”

“Whatever.” Kyuhyun ended the call, chucking and effectively smashing the device with an alley wall. Slowly, he stepped onto the sidewalk, hailing a cab and making his way home.

It didn’t take more than five minutes to get there with so little traffic, and then Kyuhyun was trudging through a lobby, up an elevator and towards his apartment.

 

He slowed to a stop.

Ryeowook leaned against the wall, a gorgeous grey suit hitting every slight curve of his body. His hair was a glossy dark brown, not one lock out of place. Kyuhyun wanted to admire him longer – wanted to feel more of that desperate ache, but he was already deeply convinced.

A week and a half with Siwon was like a lifetime of lessons. His headache grew worse as he approached the beautiful vision standing outside of his apartment door.

 

_“You remember now?” Siwon whispered in his ear as he took him for possibly the hundredth time that day._

_Kyuhyun’s voice was muffled by the pillows, sweat racing down his glowing skin, nails clawing at the blankets. “God yes,” he whimpered, “please...stop.”_

_“I’ve known you for how many years and love has never developed between us. Love isn’t defined by time, because love doesn’t exist at all. There’s nothing that can control a false idea.” He dug his fingers into the male’s bruised hips. “Besides, if you want it to stop all you have to do is look inside yourself, Kyuhyun, and see what’s wrong with your fucked up brain.”_

_He turned his head to one side, panting hard as he tried to make sense through the haze of pain and pleasure. His chest stung with every word Siwon uttered and even worse, panic strummed through his body at the undoubted embedding of his whispered taunts._

_“What happened to the boy who understood such simple concepts? You’re in and out, you break ties and you keep the ones that benefit you.” Siwon tangled fingers in Kyuhyun’s hair, ripping his head backwards to expose his neck. “So tell me – fucking tell me – that you’re done falling all over that little shit. He’s_ worthless _. Get it through your head already.”_

_“I…I get it,” Kyuhyun gasped, jaw tightening at the teeth dragging across his sensitive flesh. The fingers disentangled from his hair and he dropped to the mattress again, breathing heavily. “Ryeowook is a waste of time…things are over…I know that.” And he wasn’t just saying it this time._

_They were over. Whatever could’ve been…well, it ended in Paris with that horrible proposal. Kyuhyun thought he had been sincere at the time, but maybe he hadn’t been. He knew that Ryeowook would reject him, yet he still went through with it anyway. What was the reason for that?_

_Had he really just wanted a convenient way out of a relationship that was far too committed for his tastes? After all, Siwon had been oh-so ready to pick him up and help him retreat from his game of house. No, Kyuhyun had wanted to have the back-up plan._

_Proposals weren’t supposed to be done with a back-up plan – not now, not ever._

_Kyuhyun smirked to himself, closing his eyes and waiting for Siwon to finish. His body had gone numb some rounds ago._

_The haze was clearing. He could see clearly again. How could he have ever thought life began and ended with just one person? That was a pathetic view on anything, especially life._

So what if Ryeowook didn’t love him – _couldn’t_ love him? It was his loss. Kyuhyun shuddered at the thought that he might have just given up his entire future so carefully created in those first years of college freedom. Everything had been set at that time.

He would gain his win and individual existence from Siwon.

Then he would find a good business partner to expand.

He’d marry a trophy wife for the newspapers.

And then he would spend the rest of his days doing what every rich, successful man in their world does: party, fuck, and live.

 

“I feel sick. Take care of me,” Kyuhyun demanded, snatching Ryeowook’s wrist and dragging him into the apartment.

The door slammed shut behind them and inside the hired maid was just finishing clean up from what appeared to be a party from the previous night. Kyuhyun passed her a few bills before leading a silently confused Ryeowook to the bedroom.

Somewhere in the distance, the cleaning woman closed the front door and the apartment was silent again.

Kyuhyun turned around, gripping Ryeowook by his collar and crushing their lips together roughly. It was a kiss that Ryeowook had never experienced before and he wasn’t sure what he thought of it.

Cold.

Angry.

Dark.

Shoving away from his boss, Ryeowook tried to wipe his mouth, but then Kyuhyun’s hand coiled around his wrist, prying his arm away and attacking his mouth in a hurry again. A tongue forced its way into Ryeowook’s mouth and he hysterically bit down.

Kyuhyun jerked back, tasting blood in his mouth.

“I-I’m sorry,” Ryeowook bowed his head, heart racing. “But I don’t know why you’re doing this. We aren’t—”

“—yeah, I got that part already,” Kyuhyun dismissed tersely, black eyes boring down into the slender male. “Just because we ended things doesn’t mean I can’t have your body anymore.” His lips tugged up in a lazy, hung-over smirk. One hand rose up, pushing Ryeowook back against the closed bedroom door. “You’re supposed to make my life as easy as possible and when I need, I can’t help it.” Kyuhyun shrugged. “So what are you going to say?”

“…what happened?” Ryeowook asked quietly, eyes filled with concern.

“Y’know, in some ways, it might seem like not much time has passed,” Kyuhyun chuckled, “but I think you’ve proven enough that time really doesn’t affect a person.”

Ryeowook flinched.

He could feel venom pouring out of his heart, infecting his veins and feeding the polluted wires Siwon rearranged in his mind. The desperation had morphed into pain and anger and a whole shitload of bitterness. Siwon saw those emotions as key pawns to winning any game. Without those, you were lost in a bundle of whiteness and illusion.

“It’s a simple request,” Kyuhyun stated, slowly sobering, “you don’t have to worry about emotions anymore – not that you ever shared any.” He glanced down at the silver chain still around his neck. “Even this thing is just a fake.”

Ryeowook’s hand flew out, stopping Kyuhyun before he could tear it. “P-Please…please don’t do that,” he swallowed painfully.

The taller male slammed his hand against the door and the smaller figure jumped and released him. “Don’t fucking touch me,” Kyuhyun whispered coldly.

“Then don’t break it,” Ryeowook responded nearly inaudibly.

“Why?” he sneered, getting closer until there was barely an inch between their faces. “Is it because it reminds you of your precious dead man?” Kyuhyun curled his fingers around the fake chain, tearing it free from the lighter, longer necklace. Holding it up, he let it hand between them. “Well I’m not him and I never will be. I don’t want a token like this. It just reminds me how little I compare to him. Thanks anyway.”

He tossed it into the trash.

Ryeowook didn’t dare break eye contact, lips frozen and pressed together.

“All I want is your body,” Kyuhyun spoke slowly, carefully, “give me it, and I’ll make sure your life is easy.” He chuckled, “Then again, even if you said no, I wonder where you would ever work. I control this city. I have friends who control the rest of the world. Just tell me how you could escape if I wasn’t the one who allowed it?”

“…I’m sorry for letting this happen to you,” Ryeowook murmured, dropping his head, shoulders slumped.

“Nothing happened. I’m just finally back to normal,” Kyuhyun stated, pushing the bedroom door open and shoving Ryeowook out.

The slender man stumbled backwards, crashing to the ground. Somewhere deep down, locked inside, Kyuhyun was watching and screaming helplessly. On the surface, that dark, dangerously handsome face was unmoving. “Get out.”

And then the bedroom door shut.

 

 


	36. Chapter 36

 

_It’s not your fault._

“Shut up, it’s my fault.”

_But you’re not the one who manipulated him._

“I led him straight to the person who did.”

_But—_

Ryeowook slammed a stack of papers down on the desk, running fingers through his hair in irritation. “Please…be quiet,” he sighed, “I thought I could face Kyuhyun after spending so much time with Changmin and Victoria,” Ryeowook admitted to the phantom, “…I really felt like everything would be okay.”

 _That’s alright, gorgeous. That’s what friends are for._ Hyungsik hovered near the ground, smiling up at Ryeowook like he was really there, just within arm’s reach. When he attempted to touch the figment of his imagination, it rippled and faded before coming back into focus. _No matter how many times you lose your confidence, they’ll keep building it back up._

“I don’t want to bother them,” Ryeowook mouthed, teeth grinding.

_Don’t be silly. Never think like that. They’ll give you boundless confidence without a price. You aren’t a bother. The only thing they expect from you is the same support in their time of need. That isn’t so hard, is it, gorgeous?_

He smiled shakily, “Yeah…you’re right.”

_You already knew all of this, Ryeo-ah._

His gaze lowered, tingles racing over his skin at the whisper of that nickname. The videos had brought it back to such clarity that he felt as if Hyungsik was really speaking to him again. Ryeowook looked at his work. “At least it’s quiet without Kyuhyun around,” he offered the empty office optimistically.

The phantom nodded with a firm grin. _Yes, look on the bright side more often!_

“…what happens when he comes back?” His heart raced out of fear, remembering that look on Kyuhyun’s face like a sharp slap.

Ryeowook peered down at his shoulder, chest, and then his wrist, feeling heat rising up from the violent, careless touches. It was only a preview – a warning – for the future. Kyuhyun wanted him to know what he was capable of and how little there was for Ryeowook to do.

Biting on his bottom lip, he opened up a video messenger on his computer.

Victoria’s face popped up and she smiled. “This is a surprise! Are you slacking off, Ryeowook?” she teased.

“Uhm…sort of,” he blushed, “I only ever work to keep my mind off things…but it seems like that isn’t very healthy, right?”

“When you have friends, you don’t need distractions,” she responded, “Speaking of which, does that mean something is bothering you? If it’s about Hyungsik, I’ll call up Changmin—”

“—no, no, it’s not about him,” Ryeowook shook his head quickly. “It’s about Kyuhyun.”

Victoria’s expression fell. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s angry – furious, really,” he admitted, “and I can’t understand how someone could change so quickly.” Ryeowook kept his eyes down, chest tightening at every flashing memory of Kyuhyun’s gentle hands and voice, embracing him and reassuring him. “I don’t know. I don’t believe him, but I have no right to doubt him.”

She nodded thoughtfully, nails tapping her chin. “Well, Ryeowook, you’ve never really had a bad relationship with anyone have you?”

“I suppose not,” he furrowed his brow. “Is this normal?”

“They say that there’s a very thin line between love and hate; most likely because those are two of the strongest emotions and even though there’s such a wide array of emotions separating them, things are bound to meet.” Victoria glanced at Ryeowook, continuing, “All it takes is a single moment to realize that you love someone, and all it takes is a slight nudge and hurt feelings to transform that fleeting love into hate. Love opens you to vulnerability. When people are betrayed in love, they feel like their vulnerability has been exposed and hate is the automatic defense.”

Ryeowook was staring at her through the screen at that point. Women were so knowledgeable about love. How did they ever get that way? They couldn’t be born with it, right? “I…I never knew.”

“Obviously,” she giggled, “you haven’t had any bad experiences in love and that’s a good thing. However, when you need help, just come to me. I’ll probably have something to say about the subject.” Victoria winked at him. “Anyway, I actually have to head to lunch with a friend. Call me if anything is wrong. See you tonight!”

“See you tonight,” Ryeowook smiled, “thank you.”

 

Changmin stretched his legs out on the ottoman, a plate of homemade fried rice on his lap. “Y’know, we get about one tape a night. How long is it going to take?” he asked between chews.

“Swallow first, you pig,” Victoria muttered.

“Be quiet, princess,” he retorted.

Ryeowook stepped out from the kitchen, hanging his apron up along the way. “There are fifty-six tapes,” he explained, “so I suppose it will take a long time.”

Changmin nearly dropped his food. “Oh hell no,” he breathed, “that’s it. We’re having a party and charging through all of these. What’re you guys doing this weekend?”

“Nothing so far,” Ryeowook answered, though he was wary to say anything definite considering the sudden twist in Kyuhyun’s behavior.

“Then let’s tentatively plan for an all-night video tape bash,” Changmin beamed, shoveling more food into his mouth.

Victoria nodded, “I agree with that. We’ll stay up all night and just watch the videos! We can crank through a good chunk of them. Just make sure you pick some of the happier memories,” she added for good measure, smiling.

“There will be a reasonable mix,” Ryeowook assured, chuckling, “or, at least, I’ll try.”

“Yes, that’s all we ask for,” she joked.

Changmin glanced at the television screen. “So what tape are we watching tonight?”

“Our high school won a trip to Jeju Island after collecting a large amount of recyclable bottles,” Ryeowook explained, “this entire tape is the three day trip. Hyungsik wouldn’t put the camera down the entire time.”

“Well, this sounds light hearted,” he sighed in relief. “God, last night’s video about the story behind that bracelet nearly had me bawling my eyes out.”

“ _Nearly?_ ” Victoria snorted, “You were crying like a baby.”

“Hey!” he defended, “That was _fucking beautiful_ and you’re heartless if you didn’t shed a tear, which, if I remember correctly, you _didn’t_.”

“Stop being such a woman,” she frowned, “On the outside, you seem so confident, but on the inside, you’re a total sap.”

Ryeowook watched them in amusement, wondering how they could click so soon after meeting one another. Slowly, he pressed play and got comfortable, picking up his plate of food and eating.

 

_“Welcome to the Hyungsik Tour Guide Special! I will be taking you on a fantastic adventure through Jeju Island with my greatest sidekick, Ryeowook!” he reported with an easy-going grin._

_Ryeowook’s head popped up, glasses perched low on his nose. “I don’t wanna be the sidekick!”_

_“And why not?” Hyungsik frowned. “I’m and awesome hero for your sidekick character, don’t you think?”_

_“Well, can’t we both we heroes? And didn’t you say that you’re a tour guide?”_

_“Technicalities,” he dismissed, “anyway, hero tour guides are totally awesome.”_

_Ryeowook nodded naively._

_“So tell me what you goal is for the end of this three day trip, Ryeowook,” Hyungsik prompted._

_The other boy paused, thinking for a long minute. “I want to have a lot of memories that will make me laugh.”_

_His lover smiled at that, leaning over and resting his head on Ryeowook’s shoulder. “You’re the best, gorgeous.”_


	37. Chapter 37

 

The first time it happened, Ryeowook thought it would hurt. His mind was filled with different scenarios, most of them painful from beginning to end. It was just the look on Kyuhyun’s face and the darkness in his eyes that spoke of nothing but agony.

But…that wasn’t how it worked.

 

The second time, everything was rough up until that moment – the key moment. And then the world slowed down a little, the air shifted, and the darkness chipped away. Ryeowook swore he was even gentler the second time around than the first. That was already surprising.

 

The third and fourth times, Ryeowook found himself dictating and he didn’t know why he agreed. Maybe it was because he loved the look in Kyuhyun’s eyes when the storm clouds lifted and something so gentle and welcoming rustled in those deep irises.

 

The fifth time made him realize that not a word would ever be spoken. It was silent except for the broken gasps and moans whispered through haggard pants.

 

Then there was nothing. No calls came, no texts or emails either. Ryeowook’s mind kept drifting back to those five occurrences, unable to forget the feelings and the warm breath and the beautiful, unspeaking man.

“Earth to Ryeowook…”

He blinked, shaking his head and looking up to see Victoria across from him.

Where was he again? Ryeowook’s eyes shifted back and forth, taking in his surroundings. They were inside a café, the city’s snow long gone with the coming of spring in just a few weeks. Ryeowook smiled apologetically at her. “What were you saying?”

“Are you okay?” she frowned, worried.

“I’m fine,” he shook his head.

“Well…okay,” Victoria muttered, trusting that he would tell her or Changmin at the very least, if something was going on. “I was talking about how we only have one tape left…and then we’re done. I was curious to see if you were ready to watch it yet.”

That’s right. Ryeowook nodded slowly in understanding, staying quiet for a long moment. They had indeed cranked out a vast number of tapes that one night, and they had repeated the act two weeks later. At that point, Changmin was sent away on a business trip. The final tape had been sitting in the box, waiting patiently for the return of the last person in their trio.

“Uhm, yes, I think I’m ready,” he offered her a smile.

“You don’t have to force yourself,” Victoria stated gently, “the last one is the hardest.”

“But it’s better to finally get this over with,” Ryeowook said carefully, ignoring the burning in his chest. He knew he really meant it this time – that’s it the pain was so bittersweet. It had been a long time and it seemed like there was finally a chance to taking more than one step forward.

Of course, he knew quite clearly that this wasn’t going to end everything and that once he watched the video his feelings and traumas wouldn’t just vanish. It would help him though. It would make the nightmares cease and surely drag him full force out of the purgatory he had been living in.

“It’s important to stop feeling bad every time I think of him,” Ryeowook went on, “and this last video, I’m sure, will make that happen. I don’t want to think of Hyungsik as anything less than a happy…memory.” He couldn’t decide if he hated or loved that word. Memories were all Hyungsik had in the afterlife, but memories made Hyungsik no longer a real part of his life. He couldn’t leave the past to brighten Ryeowook’s future.

That, above all else, was what made him hesitate.

“Okay,” Victoria nodded, reaching across the table to hold his hand, “we’re going to be there every step of the way, so don’t worry.”

 

_Bzzt…bzzt…_

Ryeowook stood up from the table, waving to Victoria as he went to answer the call.

“Come over.”

And that was all.

He stared at the phone for a second, and wasn’t sure what his beating heart meant. It could’ve been in anticipation, or it could’ve been in anxiousness. Ryeowook bit his lip, tucking the phone away and returning to where Victoria was sitting.

“Hey, Kyuhyun called me back to work. I’ll have to go for now,” he told her.

“Oh, okay,” she sighed, “you know, I’m glad that you’re no longer dating him.” Victoria grabbed her coat, walking with Ryeowook to the door, “He’s really crazy and just…he’s been doing some rather sketchy things lately with some man named Choi Siwon. I would be worried about him, but I’m no longer a marriage possibility, so whatever.”

“Hmm? What do you mean?” Ryeowook’s brow furrowed.

Victoria handed her credit card to the hostess, paying for their lunch. “He told his parents that he refuses to marry me and that he apparently found someone better with greater assets.” She rolled her eyes, “At least he spared me the pain of dealing with his sorry ass.”

“Your parents didn’t fight it?” Ryeowook’s eyes widened, surprised.

They headed through the main doors, walking to the curb. “No…,” Victoria blushed a little, “I mean…they don’t care because I told them that I’m dating Changmin, and as dorky as he is, his job is very impressive.”

Ryeowook just smiled. “I knew you two would start dating. When did it happen?”

“Before he left for that business trip,” she returned the smile, face still flushed.

He chuckled, managing to get a cab and climbing in. “Well, do keep me updated on that. It’s pretty cute.” Ryeowook waved goodbye to the woman,

“Will do,” she pushed her hands into pockets.

Then he shut the door.

It was a short drive to Kyuhyun’s apartment. After all, he lived nearly in the center of the city. Before he knew it, he was climbing the steps of Kyuhyun’s building, striding through the lobby, and pressing the familiar floor number in the elevator.

When the doors opened, Ryeowook had to catch his breath, chest squeezing tightly. Slowly, he made his way down the hall, pausing in front of Kyuhyun’s door. Taking several deep breaths, he knocked once…twice…and was cut short in the third as the door opened and a handsome, half-dressed, wet haired man stared down at him.

Ryeowook wasn’t sure what made him so knee-crumbling, heart stopping, to die for attractive in that moment. This was not the first time he had seen a post-shower Kyuhyun before. So…what made it so different?

Nothing was said, as usual.

There was one difference though. Ryeowook had come to a quick conclusion. If they were going to have mindless sex again, then maybe it wouldn’t matter if he just started it.

And so he threw his arms around Kyuhyun’s neck, crushing their lips together fervently. He felt the man stagger back in surprise, an arm catching Ryeowook around the waist while kicking the door shut.

 

This would be the sixth time in some weeks, and it had Ryeowook breaking the laws of the previous time as he screamed and clung to the man he had hurt. The distance had been too much. That was the only explanation he could come up with.

“You’re loud,” Kyuhyun’s voice breathed against his ear, a hint of humor and a hint of hesitance underlying the lust.

Ryeowook froze, not understanding the torrent of tears that spilled down his cheeks so suddenly. He leaned back from the man’s chest, gripping his shoulder with one hand as he tried to wipe the tears away.

“What’s wrong?” he kept his hands on Ryeowook’s hips, eyes a murky mess as the darkness struggled to overflow them again.

He shook his head, the tears coming faster now. No sobs choked him up, nor did wails tear through his throat. Ryeowook’s shoulders began to shake and he closed his eyes, hoping the salty liquid would cease.

“Speak,” Kyuhyun ordered softly, firmly.

“I…,” Ryeowook’s voice came out of its own accord, broken and twisted. “…I haven’t heard you in a long time.” He lowered his head, feeling Kyuhyun pulling him back to his chest, burying the crying man’s face in the crook of his neck.

They were leaning back against the headboard with Ryeowook in the broader male’s lap, the blanket pulled half up their hips. No words were spoken and Ryeowook felt frustration building up inside of him.

“I want to hear your voice again,” he whispered, nails digging into the muscles of Kyuhyun’s arms, “I miss your voice…,” Ryeowook knew how desperate it must have seemed. Here he was, having been treated like a toy again and finally begging to have Kyuhyun’s affection. It was pathetic, just like everything else about him in their ruined relationship. “I miss your laugh…and smile…and the way you hold me early in the morning…and waking you up…and hearing you complain…picking out your clothes…going around the world…your hugs…,” his own sob cut him off.

“I’m leaving, Ryeowook.”

He jerked back, eyes widening. He gazed at Kyuhyun’s stony face. The black coldness was back and Ryeowook felt his tears stopping out of fear and embarrassment.

Kyuhyun didn’t keep a grip on his waist anymore, letting him move away if he wanted to. “Siwon and I are spending half a year in America opening a new company building. I’m also planning on bringing my fiancée over to Korea.” He met Ryeowook’s eyes head on. “…take care of my business until I get back. There will be a replacement for me until I return as well.”

Ryeowook pushed away from Kyuhyun, grabbing his clothes and getting dressed.

“Are you listening, Ryeowook?” he asked calmly, leaning forward on his pulled up knees, staring at the slender body disappearing beneath layers of clothing.

He nodded stiffly.

“By the way,” Kyuhyun began, watching the man stop on his way out of the bedroom, “please refrain from speaking to your boss like that in the future. I don’t appreciate shallow pleading.”

Ryeowook didn’t say anything, head rising and falling slightly, eyes focused on the floor, whatever light that had been there for even a second, vanishing behind closed doors.

 

 


	38. Chapter 38

 

_Our love is not undying._

_The day you pass on is the day I lose that love we share._

_How can you possibly share something with a person who’s gone?_

_I won’t pretend that we’re going to be together forever._

_I know that in my heart we’re going to be forever bonded,_

_But that’s a completely different thing from being physically together until the end._

_You’re going to a place where angels sing,_

_Food is always plentiful,_

_And there is never a less than glorious day._

_I want to be there with you._

_I want to be with you no matter where we are._

_You’re the sun, sky, and magic from my childhood._

_You’re the little boy with the swing set._

_You’re the one who saved me from sorrow._

_Without you, I don’t think I would’ve ever seen the good things in me._

_Thank you for being the first person to ever accept me for me._

_You loved me at my lowest and highest points._

_For that, I can be eternally grateful._

_Hyungsik gazed across at his lover. The church was quiet and empty except for the priest and witness. He looked up at Ryeowook, taking one of his hands._

_I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember._

_That sounds shallow and probably silly_

_But it’s the truth._

_I can’t name the exact moment I fell,_

_However I know that no matter what,_

_You’re the one I was destined to be with._

_Maybe the heavens thought our love was too perfect,_

_So they’re sending me back sooner than expected._

_That’s the only reason I can think of._

_Because you see,_

_How could two people be more perfect for each other?_

_I ask myself this every morning that I wake up next to you…_

_Just what makes us…us?_

_Why have we lasted this long?_

_I won’t label us anymore though._

_I don’t want to ruin the magic._

_I love you, gorgeous._

 

_“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”_

“…are you okay, Changmin?”

He shook his head, covering his eyes.

Victoria patted his back, muttering something into his ear that made him frown and swat at her. “Ryeowook…I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he mumbled, clenching his hands into fists, eyes closing momentarily. _You’re the one I was destined to be with._

 

_Please refrain from speaking to your boss like that in the future. I don’t appreciate shallow pleading._

“Hey, Ryeowook,” Changmin called.

“Hmm, what is it?” Ryeowook looked up, Kyuhyun’s words weighing down on him as Hyungsik’s vow tried to lift him up.

“Could I make a CD copy of these tapes? It’ll last longer and you can carry it around with you. The tapes are a little inconvenient, don’t you think?” Changmin asked, wiping his eyes, “I mean…I understand how important they are, but the memories will still be there, just in a different format.”

“No,” he smiled, “no, no, I understand. It’s fine. How long will it take for you to do that?”

“Uhm, I could have it back to you in two days. Or, if I don’t do any work tomorrow, I could probably finish it and give it to you by the end of the day.”

Ryeowook nodded. “That sounds fine.” He had already received the memo of Kyuhyun’s departure tomorrow afternoon.

It was the end of bitter memories.

It was the end of his relationship with Kyuhyun.

It was the end of another chapter.

He wondered what it would be like in the future.

 

_I don’t appreciate shallow pleading._

 

He ground his teeth together, humiliation gnawing at his heart. How could he have opened up so much at such a time – or ever for that matter? Kyuhyun didn’t care anymore. He hadn’t cared for two and a half months.

But Ryeowook had been stupid. He let his imagination play games with him. There was nothing gentle in Kyuhyun’s eyes. It was an illusion to make him feel less like a plaything. Ryeowook buried his face in his knees, distorting what he thought was reality and changing it back to what surely had to be the truth.

Kyuhyun hadn’t been gentle with him. It was impossible.

He also couldn’t have spoken that time.

Had he even hugged Ryeowook? Or was Ryeowook just clinging to him?

His arms hadn’t been around him. That was clear now.

It was too disgusting…how could Ryeowook have thrown himself like a fucking cheap whore at someone like Kyuhyun?

 _I was hallucinating. I was definitely hallucinating._ _There’s no other explanation._

Ryeowook looked around, wondering where his phantom was. Across the room, he saw Hyungsik sitting on the floor, looking back at him sadly. It just shook its head before vanishing again.

 

_Even he sees it. He never lies. He knows that I was making a fool of myself. …Kyuhyun doesn’t want me. He never did, I’m sure of it. I must have just wanted someone to stop the pain…Hyungsik was gone and Kyuhyun just showed up…that doesn’t make sense._

At some point, he had ushered Changmin and Victoria out, and after that, he wasn’t sure what had happened. He just knew he was sitting in the dark living room again, eyes trained on a spot out the window. Moonlight shined through and onto the coffee table, staining the room blue.

_Did my dreams make me that crazy? Why did I live with Kyuhyun? All we ever did was have sex. That’s all we still do. He must’ve wanted me to live with him so he had a convenient thing. Yes, that’s right._

He raked fingers through his hair, mind racing.

 

_I always planned dates for him. He must’ve been sleeping with those women too…why did I think I was the only person?_

And then, all too clearly, he could see Kyuhyun bringing women back to the apartment, hugging them, kissing them, touching them… He watched the film in his brain, smiling and laughing at his own idiocy.

_Was I in the other room? He probably tried to sleep with Victoria too…it would’ve been okay. I mean, she’s too good of a person to do that to me though. I really like her._

_You’re loud…_

Ryeowook dug nails into his palm, feeling skin breaking ever so slightly.

_It was a critique. He wasn’t playing around. I know that now. God, why didn’t I know that before? He was complaining. He hates my voice. He hated hearing me. I shouldn’t talk anymore. But what does that matter?_

_I’m leaving, Ryeowook._

_He’s sick of me. He hates everything about me. He always hated me. That proposal in Paris was a joke. Otherwise, why was it like that? Kyuhyun wanted to make me feel stupid again. No. What if I just made up that proposal…what if he never did such a thing? Then how did I get that ring?_

_Ah, of course, you have to give presents to your sluts sometimes. I mean…that’s only right. I must have made up everything else. He left after that because I didn’t accept the present. I humiliated him._

_He told me to leave. He said he doesn’t want a disgusting thing in his home anymore. I…I get that now. That’s why he told me to keep coming back. I’m still his toy. That’s all I am…because you can’t be destined for more than one person._

_Kyuhyun never planned on loving me. He only comforted me to make me shut up. He’ll never love me._

_Why would he or anyone else? I understand now. I should’ve died when Hyungsik did._

He swallowed hard, curling tighter into himself.

 

_Why didn’t I go with him? There’s nothing here for me. He was the only one. He’s the only one ever. No one would want to deal with a disgusting, fat, ugly person._

_“Why the fuck are you so fat? I don’t get it. Aren’t you Korean? Does your umma feed you feasts every night or something?” He sneered and knocked the lunch away._

_“No, she doesn’t.”_

_“What? You still want it, piggy?” The boy kicked him down to the ground. “Go ahead and eat it then.” He was kneeling down. “C’mon, I’ll even help you!” Grabbing a handful of dirt covered bread and meat; he shoved it forward._

_“S-Stop!”_

Ryeowook looked down at himself, eyes blurry as he looked at the soft skin of his arms.

 

_…I don’t need anyone’s approval but Hyungsik. No one else would give approval anyway. I’m sure of it. He was blind because he loved me._

 

He blinked a few times, looking out the window, seeing the sky lightening. Slowly, Ryeowook tilted his head to the clock, seeing the display: 6:34 A.M.

Rolling his neck, he stood up, stretching his body and heading to the bathroom.

 

 


	39. Chapter 39

 

Kyuhyun had already sent his things with Siwon. There was only a small shoulder bag with his laptop and some files accompanying him on the long flight.

That wasn’t what occupied his mind though. It was that look. The look Ryeowook had on his face when he left yesterday. His eyes were dead, so dead Kyuhyun wasn’t sure anymore if he had done the right thing.

They were letting a broken relationship stay broken. The only thing he could think of to do was break it cleanly – watch Ryeowook realize that Kyuhyun and him weren’t meant to be together anymore.

It had been a couple of months since Paris and by the looks of it, Ryeowook was getting better. The last thing he had expected was for the man to suddenly confess his…almost love…to Kyuhyun. That’s what it had sounded like, at least. Just a few simple words would’ve turned it into a love confession.

But that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Kyuhyun thought Ryeowook was stable. His skin was healthy and glowing, his voice was beautiful and sweet, and his eyes even had a faint little shine to them. He seemed better – much better than before.

Kyuhyun wondered what changed him, but had quickly given up that train of thought. After all, it was obvious that he hadn’t been a part of that change. Then again, when he thought back on it, he hadn’t really tried hard to help Ryeowook.

He just distracted him. He made him talk about Hyungsik lightly, not seriously. That wasn’t helping, apparently.

But that look.

It wasn’t cold. No.

Kyuhyun didn’t know what it was.

 

So there he was, sitting in the waiting area of his office, watching Ryeowook enter. Kyuhyun refused to think that he had done anything but good for the other male.

They were nothing to each other now.

That meant Ryeowook could move on properly, taking the path that had apparently given him life again.

But Kyuhyun hesitated.

The man that came in, his perfect, crisp and clean secretary was pale, exhausted, and disheveled. His shoulder bag slid down and his steps were slow and strangely unsteady. When their eyes met, Kyuhyun wondered if that look from yesterday was still there, but it was…worse.

Ryeowook turned away quickly, taking his seat at his desk. “Good morning, Mr. Cho,” he croaked, clearing his throat and mechanically organizing the lack of a mess on the surface of the table.

“What’s my schedule this morning?” Kyuhyun prompted – the words foreign in his mouth. Ryeowook was usually here before him, already rattling off the day’s activities when Kyuhyun walked in.

His heavily shadowed eyes rose up before falling back down. “Uhm…I think you have nothing.” Ryeowook absently unpacked his bag; taking things out and putting them back in over and over again as if he had no idea what he was doing. “I cancelled everything…because you’re leaving today. You, uhm, you can leave whenever you want,” Ryeowook muttered, getting frustrated as he pulled out the same damn handbook for the fifth time.

Kyuhyun placed his hand on Ryeowook’s shaking one, concern on his face. “Hey—”

Ryeowook tore away violently, moving away from his boss, eyes wide and focused on the keyboard of his computer. There was real fear and self-loathing shaking his entire body.

Words weren’t necessary to deliver the message.

_Don’t touch me._

Kyuhyun let his hand drop. “Hey…Ryeowook,” he began softly, carefully, “will you look at me when I talk to you?”

He flinched like Kyuhyun had just slapped him.

“Ryeo—”

“—I heard you,” he rushed out, still not turning his eyes up, lips trembling. “What is it?”

Kyuhyun closed his hand into a fist. “…Go home for today.”

“Huh?”

“It’s an order. Go home and get some rest,” Kyuhyun walked towards his office, trying to stop memorizing the image of Ryeowook backing away from him like Kyuhyun wanted to murder him.  

He slammed the door, leaning against it as he waited for the sound of Ryeowook packing his things up and leaving the office.

“I swear I didn’t do that to him,” Kyuhyun mumbled, “There’s no way.” He closed his eyes, trying to dismiss the pain. It shouldn’t matter anymore. Soon enough they would be miles apart and moving on in different directions with different people.

 

As promised, Changmin walked into the office the moment he finished the CD. Looking around, he saw Kyuhyun’s door shut and the empty secretary desk. Ryeowook was probably running an errand like always.

Chuckling, he set the CD down and took out a sticky note.

It read: _Don’t forget to take this with you_

Nodding, he smiled and walked out of the office, noticing Kyuhyun coming down the hall with a briefcase and papers in his hand. “Hey, what’s up?” Changmin greeted lightly.

“Busy,” Kyuhyun grunted, seemingly pissed about that fact, “heading out today.”

“Oh? That’s cool. Good luck with the deal,” Changmin waved goodbye.

“Thanks,” he flashed a tired smile, “see you in a few months.” Kyuhyun disappeared into his office.

Just as he was walking past Ryeowook’s empty secretarial desk, he spotted the CD. There was an urgent message on the front and Kyuhyun looked at it thoughtfully. The writing was rushed and sloppy, but he figured Ryeowook’s frazzled behavior must’ve affected his handwriting.

Shrugging, Kyuhyun picked it up, sure it was something important if Ryeowook would come all the way back to the company just to drop it off. Why hadn’t he placed it on Kyuhyun’s actual desk though? Frowning, he shook his head, once again blaming Ryeowook’s haphazard attitude that day.

 

_Don’t forget to take this with you_

Kyuhyun stared at the CD as he sat on the plane, laptop out and headphones on. What could it have been?

With a sigh, he popped the disc out of its case, sliding it into the laptop insert.

 


	40. Chapter 40

 

“You’ll still be paid the same amount; however, you will be acting as everyone’s secretary,” the woman explained, handing Ryeowook a new contract, “We’ll call on you for any number of odd jobs and you’re still expected to fulfill any requests from Mr. Cho while he is overseas.”

“Understood,” Ryeowook nodded, signing the paper and standing up, “Where should I go for now?”

“There will be a requests in your mailbox, so just check their daily for any new jobs. If there’s nothing, then you should be filing paperwork or delivering messages from the mailroom. Is that clear?”

“Yes,” he bowed his head once, turning around and leaving.

 

Ryeowook collected the requests from his mailbox, fulfilling each one with practiced ease. The messages and tasks were mindless and barely required a thought. Being Kyuhyun’s secretary was a full time job and suddenly he was doing less than half the work for the same paycheck.

It wasn’t good though. He may have stopped thinking about Hyungsik as frequently as before, but that was because something scarier and more horrible had replaced those thoughts. Ryeowook hated having nothing to do, which spoke to the night.

Sleeping was impossible. Eating would have been good if those voices weren’t taunting him. Ryeowook barely liked to breathe – afraid something else would pop up in his mind. The slightest changes in the wind or atmosphere could be a trigger.

 

He didn’t want to come to work by the second month.

Going outside of his home was terrifying. The bubble tea shop across from his apartment brought every possible conversation he ever had with Kyuhyun about the drink, to mind. The sky at sunset made him smile, gave him energy, up until it set and he saw the city lights that sent him spiraling back, covering his eyes and clutching his head, helplessly trying to stop the visions of Paris.

Changmin and Victoria were caught up in one another and taking a vacation to Europe for a month. They hadn’t seen Ryeowook much, the latter having made excuse after excuse about all of the different requests he had been taking. Just hearing his voice on the phone or seeing his words in a text were enough to reassure them that their friend was okay though.

So long as they never came over, everything could appear just fine.

Ryeowook pulled the sleeves of his shirt down, the fabric not thick enough to stop the chills rolling through his body. His pajama bottoms were tugged over his feet, the drawstrings pulled at their tightest and still too loose.

The clock always went off early in the morning, drawing Ryeowook out of his daze. Sleep never stayed, flying in and out like an annoying bug.

 

The third month was his limit.

Ryeowook stopped coming. He had the same bike messenger that brought his groceries also bring his request forms from work. No one cared so long as he got everything done.

“Here you go, sir,” the boy handed Ryeowook a brown bag and a stack of envelopes, “you’re still lovely as ever today,” he smiled, “but you should eat more of these groceries you’re buying.”

“Thank you,” Ryeowook said softly, pulling the shawl tighter around his thinning frame, handing the boy money, “take care.”

The door shut and he walked past the shattered mirror in the entry hall, shifted around a barricaded closet, and entered the spotless kitchen. It was the only clean, untouched place in the apartment.

Ryeowook smiled when he entered the tile floored area, absently putting away groceries. He didn’t want to look at himself. He didn’t want to see all of the clothes Kyuhyun always lied about loving. _It was just flirting. He wasn’t serious…_ Ryeowook shook his head, laughing at his own ignorance. He couldn’t get over how stupid he had been for purposefully looking for clothes that Kyuhyun would compliment.

The kitchen was where he made his last great memory with Hyungsik, though. So it was a safe haven. Ryeowook didn’t want anything to touch it, ruin it. In that small area, he didn’t have to think about Kyuhyun and his hate.

After so many sleepless nights, Ryeowook was absolutely convinced. Kyuhyun loathed him. Kyuhyun wanted him to die. Kyuhyun thought he was ugly. Kyuhyun never cared. Kyuhyun wanted to hurt him. Kyuhyun laughed at his traumas. Kyuhyun treated him like a toy. Kyuhyun would never dare love something like Ryeowook.

And it was like a mantra. Over and over again, those thoughts raced through his mind, reminding him constantly that he was a fool and love just couldn’t exist anymore.

That’s what happened when he thought he had recovered. Hyungsik was the sweetest memory, the most loving person Ryeowook had ever encountered. Now that he was gone, Ryeowook had naively thought that perhaps it was best to take that shining personality of Hyungsik, and learn from it.

Open his own heart…just a little – just for one more person.

Hyungsik wouldn’t have wanted Ryeowook to keep any heart, especially his, closed off. He would’ve wanted love to flow, friendship or romantic, because he was just like that…always.

And Ryeowook had tried. He really did. The words had poured out without restraint.

But then he realized maybe people don’t want his love. His affection. His heart.

It was selfish and arrogant of him. Kyuhyun was just playing around and Ryeowook had taken it too seriously. He would always take everything too seriously, and that surely was another reason for people to never accept him.

The door was open. That didn’t mean anyone would walk through it.

Ryeowook was tired of trying. He had had something more than perfect with Hyungsik. He had fallen for Kyuhyun, expecting it to be easy.  

Two heartbreaks were enough for one lifetime. Ryeowook didn’t want to go out there again – not ever. He hated seeing Kyuhyun everywhere; he didn’t need to hate anyone else. Hating people wasn’t what Hyungsik taught him.

If all that would happen when he went outside was loathing others, then he preferred to just stay indoors.

 

The fourth month rolled around and that’s when things started getting more difficult.

“Why can’t we come over?” Victoria asked over the phone.

“I feel sick,” Ryeowook responded, having been lying in bed for the majority of the day. He wasn’t really sick…or well, maybe he was, but that was a constant feeling. “It’s contagious…so please don’t come over.”

“Well, we’ll come take care of you then,” she urged, “we’ll be there soon, so don’t worry.”

“Wait—” The line was cut then.

Ryeowook panicked, looking around the apartment. The bathrooms mirrors were broken; the walls had notes scrawled on them from late nights of hysterical brain mapping. It wasn’t that he was crazy, really, he just wanted to work out a problem in his mind and he couldn’t find any paper. Ryeowook pulled his blanket with him as he hurried around, trying to figure out what to fix first.

There wasn’t enough time.

The bathroom had painkillers and supplements littering the counter and floor, having fallen when Ryeowook was shaking too badly to pour them into his hand properly. There were faint splatters of blood on the toilet seat and mirror, but they were just from bloody noses. Ryeowook could already see Victoria and Changmin overreacting.

It wasn’t that bad. Really.

He scrubbed at the blood stains, managing to get them out after a couple of minutes. The pills could be thrown into the trash as well. Quickly, he fumbled to clear the counter of all the bottles, fingers trembling so hard he dropped them, watching the white capsules scuttle across the floor.

“Damn,” Ryeowook cursed, heart racing and breaths coming out unevenly. His head was spinning and his legs were shaking.

He clutched his head, dropping to the floor and screaming. The noise was deafening, glass shattering, and raw beyond comparison.

Ryeowook curled into a ball, shrieking and crying, every painful word and phrase running through his mind. Crawling over to the bathroom, he grabbed a handful of the painkillers, looking at them and sobbing.

“I-I…I d-don’t want to f-feel t-this way a-anymore…,” he held the pills to his chest, eyes squeezed shut. “Make the pain stop…please…make it stop…,” he whispered, opening his hands and looking down at them again.

Tears fell into his palms, wetting the white agents.

_Ryeowook, don’t do this!_

He ignored the phantom, dropping his head and pulling his legs up, feeling cold again.

_You don’t need them. You don’t need to do this. You’re stronger than this._

“NO I’M NOT!” Ryeowook roared at the top of his lungs, chucking the pills across the hallway, clawing at his arms, trying to calm down. “YOU _LEFT_ ME! AND NOW THE PERSON I OPEN MY HEART TO HATES ME. HE FUCKING HATES ME AND I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. HE WENT ALL THE WAY TO AMERICA TO GET AWAY FROM ME.”

_You’re just deprived of everything, Ryeo-ah. You need to get some rest and eat and get back to a routine._

Ryeowook slammed his head against the wall, crying and whimpering. “I-I can’t _sleep_. I can’t stop thinking…he won’t leave my mind...,” Ryeowook let out a shuddering sigh. He shoved his head against the wall again, feeling pain blossoming there.

_Stop it! Stop it, Ryeowook!_

He did it again. And again and again until he started feeling dizzy. The world blurred in and out, the pain in his head overwhelming.

But the world was finally quiet.

 

 


	41. Chapter 41

 

He hadn’t actually planned on watching all of it. Just the first few clips – that’s what he told himself. But then the plane ride was so long and he wanted to know how it ended. Even though he knew it wasn’t a happy ending – that was impossible – he still somehow felt like there was a chance.

It was like a movie. Kyuhyun couldn’t even see how he fit into the story, because clearly he didn’t. With every watched video, he felt more and more detached from the situation. The Ryeowook in those videos wasn’t his. He would never be Kyuhyun’s.

That much made sense then.

 

_Hyungsik silently stepped inside the room, directing the camera towards the lump of tangled blankets. “Isn’t he adorable?” he whispered, chuckling quietly. Pressing his hand into the mattress, he began creeping onto the bed. The device fumbled and crashed into the sheets, which was quickly followed by grumbling and laughter._

_“You’re so cute,” he mumbled, caressing the sleepy boy’s face. Hyungsik kissed him sweetly, nibbling softly on Ryeowook’s bottom lip. “Wake up so we can go out on a date.”_

Kyuhyun couldn’t even be jealous. He had nothing to do with them and a greater part of him realized that he didn’t want to hate Hyungsik. How could he hate someone who loved Ryeowook as much as Kyuhyun does?

 

_“No…,” Ryeowook grouched, drowsy eyes shining with amusement, “…I don’t wanna go on a date…”_

_“What? You don’t want to go somewhere with me?” Hyungsik grinned teasingly._

_“Not at all,” he muttered, giggling as he felt light kisses spread across his cheeks and neck._

_“What a cold husband I have…”_

_Ryeowook weaved his fingers through Hyungsik’s hair, pulling his face back up. “I love you.”_

_“I love you, too, gorgeous,” he whispered gently, nuzzling into the slender digits gliding through his locks._

 

It took a few sleepless nights, but Kyuhyun was determined at that point to finish their story. Maybe he owed it to Ryeowook and what they had had. The more he watched, the more that idea seemed to grow in his mind. How many times had he insulted Ryeowook’s previous relationship?

Kyuhyun clicked on the final chapter of the CD, shifting around in his chair and leaning forward. His heart skipped a beat when he saw a church and then his apparently favorite couple standing outside of it nervously.

They were teasing each other as always, and Kyuhyun managed a smile.

_I want to be with you no matter where we are._

_You’re the sun, sky, and magic from my childhood._

_You’re the little boy with the swing set._

_You’re the one who saved me from sorrow._

_Without you, I don’t think I would’ve ever seen the good things in me._

_Thank you for being the first person to ever accept me for me._

Of all the things Ryeowook said, that was what stuck with Kyuhyun. He paused the video, replaying the words in his head. “You’re the sun, sky, and magic from my childhood…,” he whispered, feeling a tinge of jealousy for the first time. It wasn’t because those things weren’t said to him…it was because he never had someone who meant so much to him.

What did that feel like? _To have a bond that powerful…_

Kyuhyun pressed play, shaking his head. The camera shifted a little to show Hyungsik.

 

_You’re the one I was destined to be with._

_Maybe the heavens thought our love was too perfect,_

_So they’re sending me back sooner than expected._

_That’s the only reason I can think of._

_Because you see,_

_How could two people be more perfect for each other?_

The rest of the video continued playing, but Kyuhyun couldn’t make sense of it anymore. He was stuck on those final lines. They were almost too true. How could two people be so perfect for each other? And if they were so perfect for one another, had heaven really deemed it too perfect for earth?

Kyuhyun coughed, biting his lip and trying not to let the wetness from his eyes fall. He knew how the story ended. It wasn’t a happy finish either.

He was angry. Pure, outrageous fury bubbled inside of him. There were a few reasons: one, Hyungsik shouldn’t have died; two, Kyuhyun shouldn’t have fallen in love with Ryeowook; three, it should have been a happy ending.

But that wasn’t how the world worked.

Good people faced tragedy time and time again. It didn’t matter how kind or gentle they were – bad things always chased them and tore them apart.

Kyuhyun smiled bitterly. Did he even have a right to speak to Ryeowook again? If he had had someone like Hyungsik, he couldn’t imagine ever pursuing someone again. How could anyone else ever match that level of dedication and love?

Why had Ryeowook ever agreed to be with Kyuhyun when he had been cherished by someone like Hyungsik?

And so, to arrive at an answer, Kyuhyun pulled out a piece of paper and pen.

 

_Dear Ryeowook,_

_I don’t know why you would give me this CD. I’m thinking that it was a mistake or something. Either way, I watched the entire thing and I want to apologize._

_It may be too late to get you back, but I want to express how sorry I am for treating you and your late husband so ignorantly. When I first learned that you were married before meeting me and that he had died, I couldn’t comprehend why you were still so heartbroken._

_In my world, marriage isn’t about love. It’s a contract. I never thought a relationship like yours even existed._

_Now I know and I understand why you could never accept me._

_But I need to ask you. What made me different? I mean…why did you give me a chance at all? If I was in your position, I wouldn’t have even thought about looking at someone new. Can you just tell me that?_

_And…about what happened that day before I left…when you told me those things in bed. I wasn’t ignoring you. I just couldn’t believe in you. If I let things continue like that, you and I would’ve went on and on without ever reaching an end and I didn’t want to do that to you._

_You know how Hyungsik is the first person to accept you for you?_

_Well, you’re the first one who accepted me for me, Ryeowook. No matter how crazy or temperamental I got, you would take it all without complaint. I changed after we met._

Kyuhyun hesitated, looking up and around the apartment he was in. The walls were sleek and modern, and the lights were absent in the dark room.

 

_Is there still a possibility of us being together? That’s what I’m wondering right now, because clearly I’m insane. I know what Hyungsik means to you._

_But more than that, you’ve also rejected my marriage proposal._

_I mean…I should get the message that you’re not interested in me anymore._

_Then you go ahead and confess those things to me with that look on your face when I reject you. How is it that when I see you hurt, I can’t do anything anymore? I thought after you hurt me, I would hate you – that no matter what I saw in your eyes, I could dismiss it._

_But it’s already been a week or so since that time, and I can’t stop seeing you in my dreams with that agonized expression. I felt the door slam shut and now I’m clawing at it night after night, trying to get back in._

_I still love you, Ryeowook._

_I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you now, because I finally get it. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be your Hyungsik, and in a way, I really don’t want to be him. You two were part of a different story._

_The Ryeowook I want isn’t the one in those videos. I want the man who bosses me around and keeps my life organized – the man who can cook and clean and dress in the most pleasing manner, the man who made me see that I’m okay as I am. I don’t need to change my personality. This one is just fine, even if only one person thinks so._

_But give me your reply, even if that reply is just to tell me that I’m holding my breath for nothing._

_Kyuhyun_

 

The letter was dropped into the mail slot the next morning.

A month passed with no reply.

Kyuhyun considered flying back to Korea, but Siwon wouldn’t let him. It wasn’t a matter of wanting to or not. Siwon had authority in their situation. He didn’t have to threaten Kyuhyun. All he had to do was threaten Ryeowook and Kyuhyun would back off immediately.

That’s how it meant for another month, and then another.

By the fourth month, Kyuhyun was on the brink of losing it. Ryeowook wouldn’t just ignore a letter from him. That wasn’t the sort of person he was – no matter how angry.

And so he decided to sneak back to Korea without Siwon finding out. It was the best plan he had. Something had to have happened to Ryeowook if he wasn’t replying.

Kyuhyun barely made it down to the lobby before Siwon was there though.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

He sighed, shrugging his bag higher up his shoulder and pushing past Siwon.

“Answer me,” Siwon snatched his arm, jerking him back.

Kyuhyun stumbled, glaring up at the other male. Yanking away, he said, “I need to go. I don’t fucking care what you plan on doing. I need to know what happened to Ryeowook. He never replied to my letter and I’m done playing by your rules.”

“You’re _done_?” he laughed, looking at Kyuhyun in amusement. “You think it works like that? You lost. You lost everything. Clearly—”

“—clearly,” Kyuhyun cut him off, “I’m not a little kid anymore. I don’t need you telling me off. Paris was one fucked up mess.” He gritted his teeth, “Maybe I never knew what love was, but I do now. I lost it for a while, but I’m not like you, because I’ve found it again. I still have a chance to make things right.”

Siwon shoved a crumpled envelope at Kyuhyun. “You know what love is?” he whispered, laughing sharply, “don’t even pull that shit. I didn’t give this to you because I knew you wouldn’t take to it well. If you still wanna go to Korea, go ahead.” Siwon brushed past him, heading out the doors.

Kyuhyun tore the envelope open.

 

***

 

“Did everything work out as you hoped, Mr. Choi?”

Siwon nodded a bit, taking a sip of his wine. “Thanks for the help. He’s been difficult ever since arriving in L.A.”

“I only gave you the forger’s number,” he chuckled, “You have a really strange interest in that kid, you know.”

“I’m just tired of seeing people get hurt,” Siwon shrugged.

“How do you figure?”

“He doesn’t get that there is no happy ending for him,” the man responded calmly, “He has this optimistic outlook on the world that makes him blind to the truth of the matter: his future is cold. There have been people over time that think love is the answer to everything, but that’s rarely the case. Someone like Kyuhyun is living a fantasy in his mind – a work of fiction to protect himself from a future he’s scared of.” Siwon pressed the glass of wine back down onto the table. “I’m doing him a favor by speeding up the process. He should pull it together sooner so he won’t have to suffer that sort of heartache, at least then he has a chance at happiness, not love, but at the very least, some sort of personal fulfillment.”

“You seriously think that it’s okay to mess with his life for that reason?” the other figure questioned mildly.

“I’m not doing anything illegal,” he stated, “I’m protecting him. He’ll understand that one day.”

His friend chuckled, leaning back in the chair. “Whatever you say. You’re just like a controlling parent.” Yawning, the man stood up, “I’m gonna use the bathroom. Be right back.”

Siwon frowned, but said nothing. Hepeered down at his phone, seeing the urgent email icon.

 

**Dear Mr. Choi,**

**As per requested, all messages to Mr. Cho Kyuhyun are being forwarded to you. Currently Mr. Kim Ryeowook has been hospitalized and in a state of slumber for two days. The hospital reports that he should hopefully awaken soon. Information concerning his mental health is still unclear. We will keep you updated.**

He pulled up a reply message.

 

**Thanks. Make sure Kyuhyun doesn’t hear about this.**


	42. Chapter 42

 

_Changmin rested his head against his clasped hands, jaw taut. In front of him, Victoria paced back and forth._

_“We have to tell him.”_

_“No. We’re not telling Kyuhyun,” Changmin retorted. They were sitting in the private hospital room, the heart monitor softly beeping in the background. “He hasn’t contacted any of us either. It probably means he doesn’t want to be spoken to.”_

_On the bed, Ryeowook slept without interruption for perhaps the first time in four months. His wrists were bone and his face was sunken in. His weight had dropped to somewhere around eighty-five pounds, and his body seemed on the verge of shutting down. At least, that’s what the doctor had said._

_“Why not?” Victoria hissed, “it’s his fault. He should know what he did to Ryeowook.”_

_“He doesn’t want anything to do with Ryeowook anymore,” Changmin responded tightly, “It would be a bother for him to hear about this. If he actually cared, he wouldn’t have left, knowing that Ryeowook is so unstable.”_

_“Was it because of Hyungsik…?” she asked quietly._

_“I…,” Changmin paused, “I don’t know. Maybe. It seems like it had more to do with Kyuhyun. You saw the scribbles on his wall. They were mainly about him.”_

_Victoria sank into the chair beside him. “I don’t want Ryeowook to be put in mental home,” she covered her face, lips pressed together._

_“He won’t be,” Changmin promised, wrapping an arm around her, “We’re going to get him a psychiatrist…,” he said softly, “and he’s going to live with me until his apartment is cleaned up…” he brushed a soft kiss against her hair, “he’ll be protected until he’s feeling stable again,” another kiss, “…and he’s going to start eating again too…” Changmin smiled a little, resting his head against hers, “I promise he’ll be okay.”_

_Victoria was crying then, leaning into his embrace. “Okay…,” she croaked, “I trust you…”_

_“Okay,” he murmured, rubbing her arm, “Good.”_

_They looked back at their friend, his skin ghostly pale. He had been asleep for two days already, and the doctor said he would hopefully wake up soon. Changmin sighed, truly praying that they were right._

 

That roughly two weeks ago.

 

From the official reports, he was doing well physically, though his weight was still an uncertain thing. His mental and emotional strength seemed to be growing the more he went to therapy. Talking freely to a stranger was boding well with the young man, apparently.

The doctor has said it was perhaps because he didn’t feel like he was burdening anyone he loved. A major aspect of his behavioral potholes had to do with hurting the important persons in his life – an effect from having been in love with someone who died so slowly and tragically. To worry about his personal issues…well, that wasn’t something Ryeowook was particularly used to. The male was hardly self-destructive; it was more like he no longer knew how to cope and comfort himself.

 

The door creaked out and hall light flooded across the darkened room’s floor. Changmin blinked groggily, seeing the thin, frail male standing there. A pillow was pulled against his chest, too large pajama bottoms dragging on the floor.

There was a sad tremor in Ryeowook’s eyes as he shifted uncomfortably. Changmin checked the clock, seeing the time display: 1:48 A.M.

“Come here,” he murmured tiredly, waving his friend over and pulling the thin blanket back.

Ryeowook immediately shuffled in, pressing himself close to Changmin, the pillow still squeezed tightly to his slight form. “Thank you,” he mumbled, burying his face in the other male’s chest.

“What did you dream about?” Changmin prompted softly, rubbing circles into the slender backside, other arm draped above Ryeowook’s head.

He shook his head.

“You have to tell me, Ryeowook,” he sighed, “the doctor needs to know if the medication is helping or not.”

“It’s not a chemical imbalance,” Ryeowook argued quietly, fingers curling further into the cushion, “I just can’t stop thinking about him. I just miss being near him.”

“You sure it’s not a chemical thing – because yesterday you vehemently hated everything about a certain handsome, snarky man.”

He was quiet for only a second. “I’m confused about him,” he admitted, “but I’m angry…and upset. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss him. The doctor said I can’t continue denying that. It’s the first step: admitting you have a problem.”

“Are you addicted to Kyuhyun or something?” Changmin asked, chuckling.

“I could be,” Ryeowook answered honestly, “not because anyone told me so, but because,” he hesitated, lowering his voice and dropping his head further into Changmin’s chest, “…but because he’s the only one.”

His friend stroked his hair affectionately, listening to him, finally asking, “Only one?”

“Everything I am and all the space I have in my heart is taken up by Hyungsik,” Ryeowook explained in a calm, careful voice, “…Kyuhyun couldn’t find a way in,” he chuckled sleepily, yawning as he found comfort in his friend’s arms, “so he made himself a place. He made me make a room just for him. He’s the rock to my balloon.”

Changmin’s lips parted, but then he stopped, feeling the figure in his arms breathing deeply and evenly. Smiling faintly, he closed his eyes, falling into a deep slumber. It was enough to know Ryeowook just might...find a way to be alright.

 

***

 

“Are you sure you can be traveling?” Changmin asked worriedly.

Ryeowook rolled his suitcase out to the front door, a hat pushed down over his carefully done hair. “It’s been nearly a month now,” he assured gently, “and I’m just going to be gone for a week or so to visit my parents.”

He wanted to argue more, but then stopped himself. “Good god…I’m being such a mom.” Changmin gave Ryeowook’s hat a few good pats that made the male stumble. “Look at what you did to me. All that cuddling and comforting made me a sap.”

Ryeowook flashed him a little grin. “It’ll make you more popular with Victoria, I promise.”

Changmin chuckled, hugging the shorter figure. “I’ll see you in a few days then. Call me when you get there.”

“I will, Changmin-umma.”

“Oh shush,” he frowned, eyes flashing in amusement.

The door closed behind Ryeowook, and then he was making his way downstairs and to the outside world by himself for the first time in a long time. It was still a tentative step, but he knew that he if continued on like that, nothing good could come from it. Relying on Changmin was a necessity, but he needed time alone – and that could be achieved by visiting his hometown.

There were things he needed to face and understand because he had given himself a nice little pep talk.

He had survived Hyungsik’s death on his own. He clearly hadn’t handled Kyuhyun’s abandonment well, but it was only that. Ryeowook could find some way to move on from someone who was still alive. Getting over Hyungsik had taken friends and sibling-like love.

Getting over Kyuhyun…Ryeowook had no idea where to start. To begin with, he had never truly been able to accept his feelings for Kyuhyun. To start getting over him seemed like jumping the gun a bit too much.

So he needed some time to contemplate and then maybe some time to find answers.

That wasn’t too much to ask for right? Besides, his doctor has agreed that some self-reflection was probably best for him at that point.

Ryeowook had spent enough time on mindless recovery. He looked down at himself as he sat on the train headed back home. Sure, he was still uncomfortably skinny, but that would change soon enough, he hoped. Weight would rise once his mother’s food was warming his stomach.

Closing his eyes, he let out a sigh and leaned his head against the cool window.

****


	43. Chapter 43

 

The July sun beat down on the windows. Air conditioning streamed through the vents, keeping the high-end restaurant chilled. A month had passed since his last attempt to fly back to Korea. In just a few weeks he would be making his way back to the homeland anyway.

His eyes flitted up to his date. She was supposed to be his new fiancée. Shaking his head, he averted his eyes before she could catch him looking.

Kyuhyun sat quietly in the restaurant. The woman sitting across from him chattered on incessantly about something or other. She was fairly attractive, though not nearly enough. Her hands moved frantically as she described something that was apparently interesting.

_Don’t contact me anymore._

He flinched, curling his fingers into the fabric of his napkin.

_I don’t want to deal with you._

The letter was tucked into the inner breast pocket of his blazer. He could still feel the frayed edges and fold lines from where he had read and reread and creased it over the course of a month.

There wasn’t much written. It was just a few sentences, all short and precise and very unlike Ryeowook. But then again, maybe it was like Ryeowook. Kyuhyun didn’t want to think he knew the male anymore. It seemed too arrogant and naïve of him to imagine that he could tell Ryeowook’s emotions and thoughts better than anyone else.

“Are you paying attention?” the woman snapped.

Kyuhyun’s eyes flitted up. “What?”

“I was talking about meeting your parents properly when we fly back to Korea,” she frowned, “It is only proper for them to meet their future daughter-in-law.”

“Yeah, whatever,” he dismissed, turning away again.

The woman, Tiffany as she liked to be called, kicked him underneath the table. Kyuhyun shot her a cold glare. She wasn’t backing down either though, sneering at him. “I never thought Cho Kyuhyun would be such a stupid man. Aren’t you interested in me at all? Or maybe you’re more interested in gays?”

“Not really,” he said casually, “but if I’m going to marry you, I’m probably going to go full-out homo in the process.”

Her face flushed bright red.

He smirked a little. “Who knows? I might not even want to marry you.”

“It’s not your decision,” Tiffany retorted, trying to recover her composure, “Siwon already said—”

“—oh _fuck_ Siwon,” Kyuhyun growled, watching her back up reflexively, “I don’t care anymore. I just don’t fucking care. I’m tired of this cold war.” He felt the letter burning in his pocket. “What does he matter? I played his game and do you know what happened?” He laughed harshly, “I gambled away everything. I lost my chance to be with the one I love. I lost my freedom. I lost the ability to _breathe_ without fear. _Just fuck_.”

Kyuhyun shook his head, standing up and taking the worn letter out. He tore it apart, looking ready to spit on the wide-eyed, terrified woman. Scoffing, he shoved his hands into pockets. “Go find another tool, bitch. I’m going back to Korea alone.”

He stepped out of the restaurant, walking towards his car. There were two bodyguards waiting for him, neither looking prepared to let him take another step. Kyuhyun raked fingers through his hair, pissed and tired. “Really?”

“Mr. Choi has strict orders—”

“—he always does,” Kyuhyun bit out. He turned around, hailing a cab by the curb. One the guards grabbed his arm and Kyuhyun swung around, punching him square in the jaw. Surprised, the man staggered back. “Touch me again and I’ll tear your dick off and shove it down your throat,” Kyuhyun growled, low and cold.

Climbing into the cab, he slammed the door shut and told the driver to take him to the airport.

 

“Well whoopty-fucking-doo, look what the bat shit crazy lady brought out,” Kyuhyun leaned back against the counter as the worker finalized his plane ticket to Korea.

Siwon stood over him, eyes coal black and dangerous. “Are you out of your mind?” he asked tightly.

“A little,” he shrugged, eyes hidden behind sunglasses. Kyuhyun smirked lazily, white teeth catching the light of the airport, “I had to drink a few glasses of wine to get through lunch with that bitch.”

“What is _wrong_ with you?” Siwon bit out in disgust. He grabbed Kyuhyun’s wrist, managing to jerk him forward only a step before the male was furiously ripping away.

“I don’t need you to protect me, Siwon.” Kyuhyun lowered the sunglasses, staring at his old friend a mentor steadily. “I’ve spent half a year regretting every single day I didn’t spend trying to get back the only person who has ever wanted me.”

“Kyuhyun,” he sighed as if speaking to a child, “There are plenty of people out there that want you. Those people have stronger futures—”

“—I used to admire the way you broke away from cookie cutter rich kid stuff,” he interrupted, “I really did. I couldn’t imagine having learned so much about the world without you. But now, when I look at you, I realize that you were never a rebel. You’re just another screwed up, locked up, waste of breath.” Kyuhyun had something almost akin to pity in his eyes. “You’re everything you always taught me not to be – a follower, a corrupt loser, a heartless bastard.”

He shook his head, grabbing the ticket the worker offered him. “Siwon,” Kyuhyun began softer this time, “you _think_ you’re just playing your old games, but you’re not anymore. You’re playing their game. You fell right into that trap and now you can’t even see the way out.” He waved the boarding paper, lips pressed into a grim line. “But I have a chance. Thanks for taking me in when I was a mess in Paris. You gave me a chance to finish what I left behind.” Kyuhyun turned away, heading off to security quietly.

On the inside though, he couldn’t calm the beating of his heart.

He had no idea what Siwon would do to him now, but it was already too late to take everything back. If the man decided to destroy his career, Kyuhyun wondered what he would do. It would take forever to pull himself back together, but it would probably work out.

Life had its ups and downs after all. At some point he had to rise back up, even if the end had come. That just meant it was time to open a new door.

Some fifteen minutes later, he was heading towards the boarding gate. Kyuhyun found a line already formed and he quickly joined it. The ticket had been last minute and for the earliest flight back.

He checked his Passport, wallet, keys, ticket, and phone, pausing when he felt the device vibrating. Pulling it out, he saw an email.

Kyuhyun looked around, confused as he read the sender address and then the short sentence.

 

**Fr: Siwon**

**To: Kyuhyun**

**Subj: End Game**

**I didn’t want to be alone anymore.**

There was a document attached and he pulled it open, lips pressed softly together as he waited for it to download.

Kyuhyun passed his boarding pass the attendant absently. Slowly, he made his way towards the plane, reading the short, concise reports in the document.

 

_[Official Report for June – Kim Ryeowook]_

_[June 2] Kim Ryeowook was found unconscious in his apartment. Several open and spilled bottles of painkillers were in the bathroom and hallway. A closet was barricaded. The walls of his bedroom were drawn on with pen. The kitchen appeared to be the only clean thing inside the apartment._

_[June 2 - Extended] Closer investigation shows the wall drawings pertain to Mr. Cho Kyuhyun. The phrases and words are intimate and therefore not easily interpreted._

_[June 3] Shim Changmin and Victoria Song called the office to explain the situation. They found Kim Ryeowook passed out on the floor on June 2 in front of the bathroom. Shortly after, they called an ambulance. Kim Ryeowook is currently resting in the hospital. Shim Changmin requests for Kim Ryeowook’s temporary leave of absence for severe illness._

_[June 4] The request for Kim Ryeowook’s leave of absence has been processed and approved for four months. The hospital issued an official report on his condition. Kim Ryeowook suffered a mild concussion, most likely causing his fainting. He has been extremely malnourished and has had insomnia for some months. He still has not woken up._

_[June 5] Shim Changmin has begun cleaning and repairing Kim Ryeowook’s apartment. The estimated amount of time for cleaning is a week. Shim Changmin contacted several psychiatrists, and has also called his landlord to add Kim Ryeowook to the tenant listing. He has not woken up._

_[June 6] Kim Ryeowook has awakened._

_[June 7] Kim Ryeowook was allowed to leave. He will be staying with Shim Changmin and getting at home help from a world-renowned mental health specialist._

_**June 8 – June 12: Nothing to Report**_

_[June 13] Kim Ryeowook left Shim Changmin’s apartment for the first time since arriving six days earlier. He took a short walk with Victoria Song and then returned._

_**June 14 – June 16: Nothing to Report**_

_[June 17] Shim Changmin took Kim Ryeowook to a personal trainer at the nearby fitness center. Kim Ryeowook has begun doing low weight arm curls with dumbbells._

_[June 18] The doctor said Kim Ryeowook is doing well in therapy. He is expressing himself clearly and sincerely wants help with his problem._

_**June 19: Nothing to Report**_

_[June 20] Kim Ryeowook called his parents to tell them about his recent mishaps and that he would be coming to visit them first thing July._

_**June 21: Nothing to Report**_

_[June 22] Shim Changmin sat out on the balcony with Kim Ryeowook. They fell asleep early in the afternoon. Shim Changmin awoke first and kissed Kim Ryeowook’s hair, carrying him inside._

_[June 23] Kim Ryeowook spent the day in the city shopping with Victoria Song. They looked at clothing, accessories, furniture and stopped at a café for lunch. Kim Ryeowook has gained some weight._

_[June 24] Kim Ryeowook bought a train ticket back to his hometown for a visit. Mr. and Mrs. Kim called him earlier to come and tell him about his hospital stay and current health. He departs tomorrow morning for an estimated one week._

_[June 25] Kim Ryeowook arrived in the late afternoon on the 24 th and has spent the day of the 25th with his parents in town running errands and visiting old friends. _

_**PROJECT TERMINATION AT 3:06 P.M. ON JUNE 26TH BY MR. CHOI SIWON**_


	44. Chapter 44

 

Kyuhyun didn’t reply to Siwon. The latter had called “End Game” and that was it. Any more communication would be useless and stupid. He had his freedom in a sense, even if the cost had been tearing down the walls of a man he had once respected so much.

On the bright side, he told himself that if Siwon recovered, perhaps he would be able to find his own path – one without so many cold traditions and underhanded compulsions.

 

The town was small and quiet, just like Kyuhyun had remembered from the few times he had accompanied Ryeowook on a visit home. Back then, he had jokingly said that he was meeting his future parents, but now, as he stood on the front step of the Kim household, his palms were sweating.

There were children laughing and playing in the neighborhood, but he ignored the sounds, utterly focused on the heavy door before him. It seemed so intimidating…as if daring him to try and do this again. Rejection could be waiting for him on the other side.

Kyuhyun steeled his nerves. If rejection was waiting for him, he wanted it. No, more than that, he _needed_ to be rejected. He and Ryeowook had been dancing to different tempos their entire relationship, and now was the time to settle everything and make the music stop. They had to settle it all because Kyuhyun didn’t think he could handle another day of not knowing and regretting and wishing.

“Are Mr. and Mrs. Kim not home?”

He spun around, surprised. Pushing his sunglasses up, he bowed his head to the couple rolling a baby stroller towards the front door. “Excuse me,” Kyuhyun mumbled, trying to back away. Clearly his nerves had been scared back into wobbly nothings.

The couple exchanged a look and then chuckled. “Don’t worry,” the woman waved her hand, “So handsome and polite…you must be a friend of our Wook, right?”

“Uhm, yes,” Kyuhyun said slowly, “how do you know Ryeowook?” he asked, confused. Then his eyes darted down to the giggling baby and his body relaxed and tensed simultaneously. Those bright eyes…that smile… Kyuhyun crouched down, watching the baby reach out to him. Looking up at the couple, they nodded at him gently.

Without much more hesitation, Kyuhyun took the two chubby hands, swinging them gently, up and down, back and forth, watching the miniature Hyungsik crow and shine. “Are you…,” he continued letting the baby cling to his fingers, moving them around, “uh…I mean, are you Hyungsik’s parents?”

“Did Ryeowook tell you about us?” Mrs. Park questioned, amused at her son’s apparent fascination with the handsome stranger.

“A little,” Kyuhyun responded softly, eyes drifting back down to the innocent, “I guessed though. Your youngest son really resembles his older brother.”

“Dae-Jung is certainly a tiny, and probably spunkier Hyungsik,” Mr. Park remarked, chuckling warily, “Our first son was much calmer and subdued in his earlier years. But this little one…,” he touched the baby’s head soothingly. “He is _very_ energetic and earnest, always reaching out to people who are feeling upset.”

Kyuhyun nodded, smiling a little at the baby who made a face. “He must have known what I was thinking.”

“What’s your name, young man?” Mrs. Park asked, fingers brushing his shoulder.

He looked up, flashing a faint grin. “My name is Cho Kyuhyun. It’s nice to meet you.” He stood up, reluctantly releasing the baby to properly bow.

“It’s nice to meet you as well, Kyuhyun,” she responded, laughing softly and nodding towards the Kim house. “Let me see if they’re home. They should be.”

“Ah, thank you,” Kyuhyun mumbled, flushing slightly.

Within seconds, the door was opening and Mrs. Kim immediately recognized Kyuhyun, hurrying up to hug him. He returned it, patting her back gently. “Oh, it’s just good surprise, after good surprise,” Mrs. Kim sighed, rubbing his back fiercely, “I’ve missed you, Kyu-ah! You stopped coming just when I thought about making you my future-son-in-law!”

He laughed at her joke, not showing how much he warmed up by hearing that. They ushered him inside and he immediately looked around for Ryeowook. To his dismay, the other male wasn’t around. Mrs. Kim seemed to notice his disappointment and chuckled.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be back tonight,” she assured, “Ryeowook is helping his auntie with her garden today.”

Kyuhyun smiled a little, embarrassed. “Sorry, I just have something important to talk to him about.”

“It’s okay,” Mrs. Kim squeezed his arm comfortingly, “you have time here. He’s not going anywhere.”

 

The next couple of hours were spent with the two mothers shooting question after question at Kyuhyun who answered each with varying levels of dread, flattery, and exhaustion. All the while, he kept his hands busy with Dae-Jung who sat and played on his lap. The baby would suck on the pacifier once in a while, but then spit it out when Kyuhyun tickled him a little.

“You’re really good with kids. Have you thought about having any?” Mrs. Park teased.

“I’m usually not liked by children,” Kyuhyun confessed, “I’m a little too awkward I think.” He chuckled nervously, lifting Dae-Jung up and bouncing him until the baby was giggling. “This is the only exception.” _This family has so many exceptions…_ He thought with a mixture of feelings.

Mrs. Kim checked her watch, seeing that the time was half past six, “Oh my, I forgot that we have reservations tonight, don’t we?” She looked over at Mrs. Park and then the two women were calling to their husbands in the living room.

Kyuhyun looked at them, confused.

“We’re getting dinner together,” Mrs. Kim explained, “and Ryeowook is supposed to be babysitting Dae-Jung until we get back later tonight. He should be home in a few minutes. Do you think you could watch Dae-Jung until then?”

Mrs. Park nodded, “She took the words right out of my mouth,” the mother of the baby laughed, “I trust you, Kyu-ah. Do you think you could handle him until Ryeowook gets here?”

“Uhm, sure,” Kyuhyun said uneasily, suddenly praying ten-fold that Ryeowook would make his appearance soon.

In a few minutes, the two couples were ready and heading out the door, calling goodbyes to Kyuhyun with easygoing attitudes. He really wondered if they were all such carefree folk in that neighborhood. To leave their baby with stranger was very strange. Then again, Kyuhyun probably couldn’t see what they saw as parents and aged adults.

Turning the baby around, he supported Dae-Jung bum as he held his head to his shoulder and walked into the living room. Barely inside the carpeted area, Kyuhyun heard the front door unlocking.

He swiveled around, Dae-Jung pushing away from him in confusion. Kyuhyun smiled apologetically at the baby who just stared back blankly.

In his mind, he kept repeating that he needed to be calm and collected and absolutely, positively normal. There was no need to get all bent out of shape at seeing Ryeowook. He was just another—

But then, there he was…so beautiful and delicate and although skinny, unbelievably breathtaking. Kyuhyun stared – gawked really – until Dae-Jung caught a strand of his hair, pulling harshly.

Kyuhyun winced, looking down to see annoyance on the baby’s face. A smirk graced the man’s lips. “Jealous?” he teased.

The tiny figure tugged harder on his hair and Kyuhyun relented, making soft, pained noises. Satisfied, Dae-Jung released him and hugged him as best as a baby could.

“K…Kyuhyun?”

He looked up, seeing Ryeowook approaching him slowly. There was uncertainty and confusion, and near panic on his face. Kyuhyun’s eyes widened in alarm and he quickly swallowed, speaking in a flurry as he remembered all of those reports Siwon has sent him. “Please, just listen for a moment,” Kyuhyun stated, rocking Dae-Jung as his nerves came back full force, “I tried to contact you back in February to tell you that I got that CD. I wrote you a letter apologizing for everything and for just being an ignorant person. I never knew people could love like that and I was shocked when I watched your videos.”

He was teetering back and forth on his heels, trying to calm himself with the steady heartbeats of the child in his arms, “I know that it’s probably too late for you to want me back at all…not after what I did to you. But I couldn’t just stay still any longer. I didn’t know if you got that letter and then I got your reply…or well, a fake reply, I guess. It just put me over the edge. I knew it was fake, but the handwriting made it feel so real. I knew that I didn’t want a real letter like that to come ever. I don’t want to read that you never want to see me again. I also don’t want to know that you despise me, because I love you. I love even though you’re damaged. I love you even though you refused to marry me. I’ll still….sadly, I’ll still love you after you reject me today. But—”

“—be quiet for a second.”

Kyuhyun’s mouth shut tight and his arms tensed around the baby. Dae-Jung was still as well, apparently catching onto the atmosphere just a bit.

Ryeowook sank down to the dining room table’s chair, head in his hand. He looked about ready to throw up, or maybe cry. Kyuhyun wasn’t positive. “Are you…okay?” he asked tentatively, taking a step closer.

“How much do you know about the last four months?” he demanded in a quiet, serious voice.

“Ninety-percent,” Kyuhyun answered softly.

“What happened to Siwon?” Ryeowook hadn’t known the man too personally, but he had had enough encounters with him to understand how calculating he was.

“For now, he’s gone…completely. I don’t know when…if he’ll be back to try and…I don’t know.” Kyuhyun dropped his gaze, happy to have his human organizer taking everything step by step.

“What letter did you write?”

“It was to you after I got the CD.”

“How did you get the CD?”

“It was in my office.”

Ryeowook muttered something about Changmin and then shook his head, working desperately to keep calm and not lost to his emotions. Oddly enough, even with the situation as it was, he felt more in balance. Kyuhyun’s present had always done that. It made him feel safer and more open and just…lighter.

“…Do you know how much you scared me?” Ryeowook looked up at him, needing a true response to that particular question. Above all else, it was what had haunted him – not because he had been scared of Kyuhyun, but that he had cringed away from someone who meant so much more to him than was feasible.

“I would spend the rest of my life showing you why that was a fluke,” Kyuhyun whispered.

“Are you proposing again?” he asked ruefully.

“I’ll propose to you as many times as you want. This isn’t one of those times though.”

Ryeowook cracked a smile, but it faded. “You told me you would find a new fiancée and that you’re moving on from everything.”

“And before I uttered any of that bull—” Kyuhyun stopped himself, looking down at the baby, “—hockey…,” he saw Dae-Jung giggle and he scowled back at the boy, “I told you so many better proven things. I’m not asking you to forgive me for treating you so badly…for breaking you. I know what I did. I just didn’t know that you would fall apart.”

“You didn’t think I would ever feel so much for you?” he asked with a hint of resentment, “I didn’t think I would either.”

Kyuhyun didn’t even flinch, though he felt like he should’ve. “…let me ask you a question now.”

Ryeowook looked up.

“Why did you choose to let me in?” Kyuhyun stared back at him seriously, eyes hard and soft, thoughtful and guarded. “Why didn’t you just stay locked up? What made me so worth it?”

He was quiet for a long time, simply staring at Kyuhyun and then staring at something past him, and finally back at Dae-Jung – not Kyuhyun, but the baby. It was clearer than day. Ryeowook’s lips parted and he let his hands slacken into loose fists.

“There is no reason. That’s why.”

Kyuhyun didn’t seem to get it.

Ryeowook smiled a little, eyes flickering with wariness. “I promised I wouldn’t fall for anyone who had specific things I liked. I didn’t want to replace Hyungsik, but I wanted to love someone in the same way: unconditionally.” He peered at Kyuhyun. “You’re so full of faults, Kyuhyun, but I fell for you anyway. That’s why you’ve always been worth the effort. When someone asks me what I like about you, I can’t answer them…because I don’t know why. I just do. You demand my affection and you crave it and that’s all I really need to love,” his voice faded a bit, but then he looked up and saw Kyuhyun was standing barely six inches away from him, “…well, that’s all I need to love you unconditionally.”

“You…,” his face was reddening at an alarming rate, arms tightening around Dae-Jung, “you love me, Ryeowook?”

He stood up, taking the baby before Kyuhyun could accidentally hurt him. “Yeah,” Ryeowook cradled Dae-Jung who snuggled close to him, “I love you, Kyuhyun…despite it all. I can’t help it. I hate it. I hate everything that you’re capable of making me feel. I hate that from your carved place in my heart, you can wreak so much havoc. I hate that you’re so flippant and unpredictable. I hate that in one second you can speak so bluntly and make me waver.” “You can hate me to the ends of the earth,” Kyuhyun said softly, placing his hands delicately on the slender male’s hips, “As long as that space in your heart is all mine, I'll keep showing you that I love you no matter how you think of me.”

Their lips hovered barely an inch apart, one tiny hand slapped over Kyuhyun’s mouth. The man blinked, puzzled. Dae-Jung was staring at him with a childish grin.

“Fine,” he sighed in defeat, tilting his head and pressing the softest of kisses to Ryeowook’s cheek.

The latter chuckled, heat crawling up his neck, as he felt himself dropping from whatever frenzy had been devouring him for the past months. “…Tomorrow I want to take you somewhere.”

 


	45. Chapter 45

 

Ryeowook sat on his bed in the modestly sized room. There were old high school and college textbooks on the desk, as well as a few pictures of him and Hyungsik. Looking back, he really hadn’t had many friends. It wasn’t particularly sad or embarrassing; it was just a fact.

“Is this your room?” Kyuhyun’s voice came softly from the doorway. He had on a pair of black sweats and a white t-shirt, the tips of his hair still wet from a shower.

From what Ryeowook remembered, Kyuhyun was a lot more forward than this. Perhaps time had contorted the memories. No, he was positive that they had. Ryeowook shuddered, not wanting to open that tightly sealed box of feelings that had made him crumble only a month or so ago.

He wouldn’t say that Kyuhyun’s presence had immediately stripped away all of his problems, because it hadn’t. Their delicate reconciliation was only a small part of the recovery Ryeowook knew he still faced. It was deeper than any relationship wound. It was Ryeowook himself, his insecurities, his imbalances, his years of trauma and self-doubt.

Those things couldn’t be brushed off anymore. He had seen firsthand the havoc such things caused and he was done. Step by step…no one was rushing him.

Ryeowook smiled at Kyuhyun, tentatively, as if the slightest thing could set off an alarm between them. What would happen when the alarm sounded…well, he had no idea. “Yeah, it’s my room.”

“Do you still like that singer?” Kyuhyun questioned, taking another step into the room, slowly sitting down by the bookcase. There were blankets set out for him, along with plenty of pillows to cushion the makeshift bed.

Ryeowook glanced up at the poster of a female singer he had admired for some time. “She’s good,” he stated rather blandly, “I got that poster for free a long time ago.” He shifted around on the bed, hugging a pillow.

“Oh,” he nodded, biting his bottom lip absently, before a smile crossed his lips. Ryeowook knew it was wrong to be staring, but he hadn’t seen Kyuhyun in such a long time and he had forgotten all of the little things about the man. His slightly elfish smile was one of them, the seemingly perfect way the corners of his mouth could curl up so devilishly, as if he was plotting something. The glint of mischief in his eyes was another thing. It was always subtle and beautiful, daring anyone to challenge him.

Ryeowook’s eyes trailed down to the smooth, white skin of his collar, seeing that faint dip where his muscles could just tease onlookers.  And then further down, the fabric of the v-neck wrinkled and twisted in a perfect way, ghosting over the lines of his torso and leading the eye down to his long legs… Ryeowook shook his head, burying his face in the pillow.

He had never understood people who were desperate for sex before. Now though, it finally made sense. _I need to get laid so bad…this is pathetic…_  

“Are you okay?” Kyuhyun’s deep, rich voice floated through Ryeowook’s mind.

That certainly wasn’t helping his current hormonal haze. A lot had been going on recently, and with one part of his life finally settling down, it seemed like his body was suddenly being demanding. “I’m fine,” Ryeowook responded.

“Where are we going tomorrow?” he asked, trying to keep a conversation up. It was awkward when it was quiet. Although barely six months had passed since they had last spoken, it felt like they were strangers – _in love_ – but still strangers.

Ryeowook looked up, “Someplace important.”

“I figured as much,” Kyuhyun murmured.

“I thought you would think I’m taking you somewhere useless,” he teased very quietly.

That brought a smile to Kyuhyun’s face. He met Ryeowook’s eyes, and the air seemed to tense again. They simply stared at one another, silent words and wants flying between them. Ryeowook broke away first, blushing and reaching for the lamp.

“We should get to sleep,” he began, but then a hand was covering his. Ryeowook’s voice caught in his throat, body stiffening.

The bed shifted slightly as Kyuhyun’s added weight. His heart was beating painfully hard. “Ryeowook—”

“—look at who wants to say good night!”

Kyuhyun flew back faster than the speed of light, eyes wide and horrified. In the doorway was a perplexed Mrs. Park holding Dae-Jung. The baby was holding a bear, blinking at Kyuhyun. He broke into a smile and started wriggling around, reaching for the handsome man.

Sighing, he took the child, eyes shining with some sort of affection. “This little troublemaker…,” his mouth twitched in irritation, but the baby just giggled and rested his head against Kyuhyun’s shoulder.

Ryeowook watched Kyuhyun spoiling and teasing the precious baby boy, feeling a small ache in his chest. He didn’t want to fantasize…that wasn’t right…right?

Soon enough, Dae-Jung was turning his attention to Ryeowook, and trying to pull out of Kyuhyun’s embrace. The man walked over, sitting down and handing the baby over, “Here’s a present,” he muttered.

“It’s the cutest present I’ve ever received,” Ryeowook tickled Dae-Jung’s tummy, watching the baby squirm and laugh, “I love you, Dae-Jung…you’re my favorite person in the _whole_ world.” The baby seemed to understand and grinned, rubbing his face against Ryeowook’s cheek.

“Ah…is that right?” Kyuhyun looked at the male who had just confessed to him not that long ago.

Ryeowook’s face colored. “Well…you can be second, Kyuhyun.”

“Yah!” he complained, chuckling a little and running his hand over the black hair of the baby.

Dae-Jung looked up at him curiously, but when he got no reply or even acknowledgement, he went back to snuggling with his favorite hyung.

Mrs. Park stepped inside the room, having been watching by the doorway the entire time. “He really loves you two…,” she admired, “I’m really surprised…and not…hmm, how do you feel about watching him more often?”

Ryeowook’s eyes lit up in a way Kyuhyun had never seen. It wasn’t like the twinkle he wanted to restore, it was something warmer and more maternal…it was hope – more of it than Kyuhyun knew existed. “We would love to. I’m still here for another four days…so anytime is fine.”

“That’s very sweet of you,” Mrs. Park chuckled, patting the young man’s head, “And you, Kyuhyun?”

“I’ll be wherever Ryeowook is.”

Mrs. Park’s face flickered with surprise, but then it melded into knowingness and she nodded. Glancing down at her baby, she picked him up, Dae-Jung whining a little at the loss of Ryeowook. “It’s time to go home, sweetie,” she cooed.

The baby grouched, but didn’t do anything else, simply allowing his mother to carry him away.

Silence fell again and Ryeowook’s eyes slowly found Kyuhyun’s. They stared at one another for a moment before laughing uncomfortably.

“We should get some sleep,” Kyuhyun muttered, settling down on the makeshift bed on the floor.

“Mm,” Ryeowook nodded, turning off the light successfully and hearing the door close quietly. Moonlight bathed the room in blue, just barely outlining Kyuhyun’s body on the floor.

Unspoken words still seemed to bubble up in the air, mixing with the sweet scents coming through the open window. Ryeowook shifted around on his sheets, trying to find a comfortable position. Eventually, he gave up and sighed, “…Kyuhyun?”

“Yeah?” The answer was immediate.

“Thank you…for coming back after everything.” He hadn’t known how much true those words were until they seemed to drift through the air and settle on the silhouette occupying his floor.

“You made me grow up a little more,” Kyuhyun responded, hands cupped behind his head, eyes directed to the ceiling, “and you’ve helped me break free more than once. The least I could do is helping you break free too.”

Ryeowook smiled a bit. “It’s not because you love me?”

“I could love you and easily stay away,” Kyuhyun stated easily, “but realizing that I’m actually in love with you makes it impossible to leave you alone.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I know you would be sad without me.”

“How do you figure?” Ryeowook was leaning over the edge of the bed then, gazing through the darkness to catch a glimpse of Kyuhyun’s features.

“You can always love someone unconditionally,” he answered, “and not have them love you back. But when you’re truly in love with someone, it’s not possible for the other person not to feel the same way.” Kyuhyun turned onto his side, reaching up to brush his hand against Ryeowook’s. “…When you admitted you had fallen in love with me…I knew it was possible for me to be in love – and for Siwon to be wrong. You couldn’t be in love with me if I didn’t love you back.”

“Has time made you so different?” Ryeowook’s voice was soft, breaking from subdued tears.

“I was still the same Kyuhyun up until you confessed to me a few hours ago,” he chuckled, sounding ashamed, “I was being rash and temperamental as always. This whole situation as just another tantrum – I knew that – but when you said those things to me…combined with what I found out from those videos…I figured out that you had to mean it. For you to say you love me…I can’t even imagine how much that took.”

“It was easier than I thought it would be,” Ryeowook whispered, fingertips playing with Kyuhyun’s ever-so softly. The touches were barely brushes, but his heart beat faster with every graze and his skin tingled with every tangle. “…It’s probably because you’ve always been there to nudge me a little.”

The hand laced with Ryeowook’s squeezing it gently. “Goodnight,” Kyuhyun murmured.

Ryeowook smiled helplessly, closing his eyes as he replayed that gentle dismissal in his mind. He knew it wasn’t Kyuhyun being insensitive. It was him trying to reassure Ryeowook that everything could still be said in the morning. They had time to say whatever they wanted to say…so for one night, perhaps it was alright to just fall asleep.

“Goodnight, Kyuhyun,” Ryeowook mumbled back, dozing off.

 

***

 

“This is the important place?” Kyuhyun eyed the apartment with wonder and skepticism until his memory flashed. “Oh…”

Ryeowook kept their hands interlocked as he tugged the young man into the landlord’s apartment. They walked through the old door, seeing an elderly woman sitting behind a counter. She was holding a newspaper and listening to the local radio station.

“Ahjumma?” Ryeowook called, pausing a few feet away from the counter.

Her head rose and immediately her eyes widened. “The troublemaker!”

Kyuhyun shot the other male a curious look. The latter flushed and shook his head. “Hyungsik and I used to get into trouble with the neighborhood kids…y’know, playing pranks and staying out late…forgetting our keys or making noise.”

“Ah, troublemaker indeed,” he smirked.

The older woman hobbled out, reaching up for a hug. Ryeowook chuckled and hugged her, swallowing a cough at her rough pats. He smiled and backed up, about to introduce Kyuhyun when the woman frowned and poked his chest. “Why are you always with handsome men?” she demanded of Ryeowook, “Poor girls out there have no one left!”

“Sorry,” he replied sheepishly, “This is the last one ever, I promise you.”

Kyuhyun hid the heat crawling up his face. “My name is Kyuhyun,” he told the woman eyeing him. Bowing his head, he gave her a smile.

“Now don’t take this boy for granted,” she scolded, “This troublemaker has had enough heartache for one lifetime, understand? That means you live an honest, clean, safe life, Kyuhyun.”

“I understand,” he nodded seriously, “I won’t let him down from now on.”

She eyed him for a second longer, but then nodded as if satisfied. “Then I have something you can finally see.” The woman waved them into the connecting living room of the leasing office. Once inside, she began rummaging through a box, pulling out an old video tape with ease. “Whenever you came to visit,” she grunted, dusting and fiddling with the technology, “I wondered if you would be bringing someone new. You never did…,” the landlady slipped the tape into an adaptor and turned on the television, “…but I always kept it handy. I knew you would eventually…and then I could finally get this out of my home.”

She sighed, giving Ryeowook a remote and a soft smile. “You’ve done well, troublemaker. I’ll be outside.” Looking at Kyuhyun one more time, she disappeared through the doorway and shut it.

Ryeowook glanced at Kyuhyun. “What…just happened?”

“That woman is a whirlwind,” he whistled, settling down in front of the television. “Is this what I think it is?”

“I…guess so,” Ryeowook slowly sank down next to him, holding the remote a little tighter. “This is the real last tape, then?”

Kyuhyun didn’t reply, but his silence was answer enough.

Carefully, Ryeowook pressed play, heart sinking and rising rapidly.

 

_The camera flickered on. A confused Hyungsik stared curiously into the recorder. “Is this on?” he muttered. Shrugging he grinned lightly. “Hey Ryeo-ah. So, it’s our anniversary today. You gave me this recorder, actually. I hope we get to use it a lot in the future.”_

_Hyungsik shifted around, leaning back against a headboard and holding the camera in a steadier grip. “Anyway, I thought about a lot of things today, and I feel like this is the best time to be doing this. You’re probably wondering what I’m referring to. Well, that would be my true, final thoughts for you. I don’t want you to be watching this while you’re still sad or hurt over me leaving, so I’ll figure out some way to prevent that.”_

_“See, this particular video is to tell you a few things. First,” he smiled, “I love you. I love you in every way a person can love another person. That’s why I’ll tell you whole heartedly that whatever you choose to do when I’m gone, I’ll support. In fact, I hope you find someone who you can share that beautiful heart of yours with.”_

_“Second,” he held up two fingers, “you are gorgeous. I say it so often that I feel like it doesn’t mean anything anymore…but you really are. You make me catch my breath every day and sometimes I get irritated at how lovely you are, because I can’t contain or express myself properly. I want you to just see yourself through my eyes – just once – so you would know how breathtaking you actually are.”_

_He took a deep breath, “Third,” he tilted his head a little, “…third. Hmm. This one is hard.” Hyungsik looked away for a second, but then looked back into the recorder. “Third, I want you to introduce me to the one you choose. I’m sure you were planning on it, but I want you to hear my request. Please let me meet him, because he’s going to be the one that takes my best friend, my lover, my companion, my everything…away. I trust you to pick the right one, so at least let me give him my blessing. He’ll deserve it, I’m sure.”_

_Backing up the camera, Hyungsik waved and flashed a sweet grin. “See you later, Ryeo-ah.”_

“…are you crying?” Ryeowook looked at Kyuhyun, eyes swimming with concern.

Kyuhyun covered his eyes, frowning forcefully. “No…”

He smiled weakly, wrapping his arms around the other male and immediately feeling arms around his waist, holding him tightly. “Thank you,” Ryeowook whispered against his ear.

“Don’t thank me,” he muttered, shaking his head and breathing unevenly.

“Okay,” Ryeowook rested his head on Kyuhyun’s shoulder, rubbing his back gently, “just tell me when you’re ready to go.”

“Never,” Kyuhyun’s muffled voice spoke.

He chuckled, feeling tired and alive at the same time. “He always knows exactly what to say.”

“Yeah, he really does,” Kyuhyun sighed miserably, eyes wetting Ryeowook’s neck and collar. He smiled slightly, lips trembling, “I’ve never been so happy to have someone’s blessing.”

Ryeowook didn’t say anything, eyes closing as he held Kyuhyun a little tighter, feeling warm.

 

 


	46. Chapter 46

 

“I don’t even know why I’m helping you,” Changmin rolled his eyes as he strung lights across the terrace railing. The sun was just beginning to set and Ryeowook smiled at it, closing his eyes and breathing deeply for a moment. That was certainly one of his favorite times of day. “It’s not like you appreciate me.”

Ryeowook shot Changmin an annoyed glare. “Oh stop it already,” he pouted, disentangling a string of white lights, “that was a year ago and I can’t help that Kyuhyun showed up at my home to tell me he loves me.”

“But it all happened too fast!” he whined for the hundredth time. “I didn’t get any notice until so many days after you guys got together.”

“You know now though,” Ryeowook reminded him, “and you’ve known for a long time now. We haven’t left you out of anything.”

Changmin grumbled, pinning the edge of the banner to one end of the terrace, “Yeah, you guys tell me a little too much about your progress.”

“Kyuhyun was just a little overly excited…,” he blushed, fumbling with a box of red rose petals, “and he didn’t go into detail, right?”

“Yeah,” Changmin snorted, “when you were around. He was uncensored to the max when we were alone.” He shuddered, locking the other end of the banner into place. “But anyway, why are you doing this?”

Ryeowook tossed the petals across the expansive floor, watching the red forms dot the pure white marble, “Because I owe it to him.”

“Not because you love him…?” Changmin teased.

“Of course that too,” Ryeowook assured, chuckling, “but…it’s definitely partly because I owe it to him.”

“You should be thankful that Victoria wanted to go here for vacation, or else I would’ve never come and helped,” he complained.

“I’m sure,” Ryeowook smiled, catching Changmin’s playful grin.

“We should hurry before the sun fully sets,” the latter remarked, seeing the light falling behind the trees.

 

Kyuhyun trudged through the front door of the Italian villa. It was a place he had purchased after learning that he loathed Paris, and after Siwon has sold his shares of the company to Kyuhyun. That was perhaps the last thing he had expected, well, that and the letter that came with the report.

 

_Kyuhyun,_

_I’m not sorry. You could probably guess that. I’m disappointed and hurt, but that’s to be expected. I’ve been rethinking the harsh words you slapped me with and it made me realize how pathetic and pitiful I’ve become. When you of all people feels bad for me, I must own up to how poorly I’ve been conducting myself._

_With that said, I’m getting away for a while. The company shares are yours. I’m selling our business venture in California for money to aid me in travelling and settling._

_I think I’m going to see the world for a while._

_You’re certainly not invited. So it’s goodbye for good._

_Don’t ever regret what you’ve given up to be with him. If he’s not worth it anymore, then you’ll be alone forever._

_Goodbye, Kyuhyun._

_Siwon_

It was very much in his style. Even after suffering a somewhat humiliating situation at the airport, he had the nerve to still speak so haughtily. But then again, that was what made him so worth it for Kyuhyun.

If Siwon was anything less than arrogant and self-absorbed, Kyuhyun couldn’t imagine ever looking up to him. Giving him power would certainly not have been in the deal.

He looked around the elegant home, noting that most of the lights in the European style home were off. Frowning, Kyuhyun walked to the kitchen, setting down the bags. “Ryeowook?” he called, turning a corner and entering the high ceiling living room.

No one.

“Where are you, Ryeowook?” Kyuhyun asked, voice rising in volume. His heart was beating a little faster and his feet were moving hastily as he hurried to the second floor, still calling out Ryeowook’s name.

The master bedroom was lit up and Kyuhyun hurried inside. There was still no one. “Where are you…,” he breathed, confused and worried. Just as he was about to call Ryeowook, he noticed a red card on the bed.

Slowly, he picked it up, opening the envelope. A familiar silver bracelet tumbled out, along with a crimson note card.

 

_I wouldn’t make you do it twice._

“Hmm?” Kyuhyun frowned, holding the bracelet delicately in one hand and the card in the other.

There was a soft creaking noise across the room. His head lifted and he saw the double doors of the terrace swaying with the night breeze. Something was flickering in the darkness. Kyuhyun circled the bed, carefully approaching the glass doors.

Pushing it open with his fingertips, he peeked out onto the empty terrace, eyes widening.

Lights. So many lights.

Ryeowook sat on the railing, feet dangling a little above the accessible side of the terrace floor. He was surrounded by twinkling white lights, eyes focusing on Kyuhyun as the man stood still, stunned. Tilting his head, Ryeowook smiled and slowly pointed upwards.

Following the silent direction, Kyuhyun listened to fireworks explode overhead and then his eyes adjusted to the brightness.

 

_Marry Me?_

His head lowered and then he saw Ryeowook standing, both hands cupped together. There was an open ring box in his palms. Under the faint light, Kyuhyun could make out the silver band in the red ring cushion.

“And what if I said no?” Kyuhyun asked, placing his hands over Ryeowook’s, heart beating erratically.

The slender figure shrugged, leaning forward just a bit, a breath away from Kyuhyun’s slowly nearing face. “You didn’t give up on me…I won’t give up on you.”

He chuckled, closing the gap and pressing their lips together. “I could never marry anyone else,” Kyuhyun whispered, taking the ring and box, closing it as he slipped it into his pocket. Without further ado, he wrapped his arms around Ryeowook, pulling their bodies together until there was barely a breath separating them.

“You’re the last person I will ever marry,” Ryeowook murmured into the kiss, closing his eyes and melting into the embrace.

 

 


	47. Chapter 47

 

_D-100 until the Wedding_

 

“He was super adorable when he proposed,” Kyuhyun stated, toying with his glass of wine, “and just as quickly he’s become like this.” He nodded over to where Ryeowook was taking a phone call, his notebook in his other hand.

Changmin and Victoria followed the indication, one shuddering, and the other shooting Kyuhyun a sympathetic look. “You know, he really did use work as a distraction in the beginning,” Changmin admitted thoughtfully, “but I think somewhere along the way, he forgot and actually started to enjoy organization.”

Kyuhyun sighed, glowering at the other man briefly. “He’s attractive while working, but now when he gets home, he just switches over and starts getting all business-like over the wedding plans. I don’t think I’ve had a second alone with him since the proposal.”

“Maybe you deserve it,” Victoria muttered.

“Oh shut up,” Kyuhyun retorted, setting the wine glass down and leaning back. His eyes trailed back over to Ryeowook in childish longing. “I just want to spend some time with him. The only time he talks to me is when he wants my opinion on the color of the table cloth or what flowers should be used.”

Changmin chuckled. “You’re totally enjoying this.”

“Am not,” he argued.

“You can’t stop talking about the fact that you’re going to marry him,” Victoria chimed in, smirking, “Changmin’s right. You’re excited about getting married.”

Kyuhyun bared his teeth at both of them, crossing his arms. “Didn’t I tell you to shut—” Two arms wrapped around Kyuhyun’s neck, tipping him slightly in the chair. He made a strangled noise, catching Ryeowook who had thrown himself at him.

“We have the city’s approval!” Ryeowook rubbed his face into Kyuhyun’s neck, smiling and laughing softly. He leaned back, eyes twinkling softly in the café’s light. “They said we can use the beach for the ceremony. It’ll be held this coming July.”

“Completely excited,” Victoria nodded.

“No doubt,” Changmin agreed, watching in amusement.

Kyuhyun glared at them, but it quickly faded when he watched that shining light in Ryeowook’s eyes grow brighter as he spoke about the wedding. He rested his arms slackly around the slender figure’s hips, head tilted to one side as he smiled. “That’s great,” he murmured gently.

“I already asked Dae-Jung if he would be the ring bearer,” Ryeowook had settled onto Kyuhyun’s lap, arms draped around his neck. “And he’s coming over this weekend to visit. We should go buy some new toys for him – and maybe a stuffed animal too. Oh, and while we’re there, we can look into wedding favors.”

“Anything you want,” Kyuhyun chuckled warily. He tugged Ryeowook a little closer, looking up into that beautiful, glowing face. “I love your eyes right now…,” he remarked softly.

“You say that a lot,” Ryeowook laughed, leaning his forehead against Kyuhyun’s.

“Because they’re the eyes that made me fall in love with you the first time,” he mumbled.

“You guys need to seriously stop forgetting where you’re at,” Changmin interrupted.

The engaged couple froze, turning slightly to look at the two people across from them. Ryeowook blushed faintly, “Sorry, Changmin…Victoria.”

“It’s okay,” he sighed, standing up and smiling, “Actually, we have to get going anyway. We have to go meet the travel agency booking our cruise.”

“When are you two going to get married?” Kyuhyun prompted, eyeing them with a spark of challenge.

Victoria flushed, and Changmin stiffened. Neither of them managed to answer properly, settling on glaring at the smirking man. “Goodbye,” Changmin rolled his eyes, taking his lover’s hand and leaving the café.

Ryeowook giggled, tightening his arms around Kyuhyun’s neck. “…They’ll get married soon.”

“Definitely,” he nodded.

 

_D-50 until the Wedding_

“No.”

“But why?”

“Just no.”

“But I want it…”

“Not this.”

“Please?”

“Definitely no.”

“Kyuhyun!”

“Ryeowook?” Kyuhyun cocked an eyebrow, arms crossed, back leaning against the couch back. He stared down the dark eyed, pleading male across from him. The lazy afternoon was quickly escalating into an argument about the wedding, and Kyuhyun was far too stubborn at that time of day to let Ryeowook have his way.

Pouting, the male crawled around the coffee table, kneeling in front of Kyuhyun. The latter’s mouth quirked up in amusement. He shook his head just once, very slowly. “Kyu…,” Ryeowook coaxed, placing his hands on the male’s knees, sliding upwards as he pushed himself higher.

“Oh no, no, no,” Kyuhyun pulled back, suppressing a laugh. He lifted his legs up, knees pressed to his chin, “Don’t even try that.”

“But…,” Ryeowook huffed, rising to his feet and pressing himself against Kyuhyun’s legs, slowly prying them apart, “Kyuhyun…I really want it…” He blinked a few times, smiling when he felt resistance edge away and the handsome male’s legs part. Ryeowook flopped between them, palms flattening against Kyuhyun’s chest. He grinned up at the half-irritated man. “Please?”

“Stop it!” Kyuhyun whined, throwing his head back, trying to ignore how the butterflies incessantly raced around his stomach. “God, Ryeowook, I said no.”

He crawled higher up, squirming his way into Kyuhyun’s reluctant embrace. “I love you…so you should do this for me.”

“What have you been learning at those self-empowerment classes?” he demanded irritably. “I swear they aren’t supposed to be teaching you things like this.”

“Like what?” Ryeowook smiled, running his fingers lightly through Kyuhyun’s hair.

“Like… _this_ ,” he stated, exasperated.

“ _Please_ , Kyuhyun?” Ryeowook begged again, kissing the male’s neck softly and incessantly, “I promise you can choose everything else…if you let me have this.”

That was rather tempting. Kyuhyun paused, considering the proposal. After a long minute, he nodded slowly. “Fine, you can have it. But, you aren’t allowed to plan the remainder of the wedding. That’s my deal.”

The male went rigid.

Kyuhyun smirked.

Ryeowook pulled back, staring at him in horror. “You…You can’t be serious. This wedding is my baby.”

“I’m glad to see that you’re so prepared for parenthood,” he mused dryly.

“This is serious!” Ryeowook slapped Kyuhyun’s chest lightly.

“Well, take it or leave it. You get this thing, and you can’t plan the rest of the wedding.”

There was an extended silence before Ryeowook bit his lip and sighed heavily, shoulders slumping. “…I really want this.”

“I know you do,” he responded cheerily.

Ryeowook gave him one more pleading look, but Kyuhyun ignored it. Grimacing, the slender male leaned back, resting more heavily on the arms holding him. “Fine.”

“Good,” Kyuhyun grinned widely, kissing the beautiful figure. “Now…why do you want a giraffe-themed reception?”

“Because they’re so cute and light-hearted,” he answered as if it was only natural, “we’re going to have such a formal wedding, so I thought it was best for the reception to be fun.”

Kyuhyun just shook his head, not willing to ask for elaboration.

 

_D-30 until the Wedding_

Kyuhyun blinked a few times, bleary eyed and tired. Yawning, he sat up, careful not to wake up the person beside him. The sun hadn’t risen yet.  

Walking into the kitchen, he pulled out pots and pans before making sure that the door to the bedroom was shut tightly. Nodding to himself, Kyuhyun began cooking as quietly as possible. He fried eggs on the stove, toasted bread, warmed sweet buns into the oven, and cooked sausage to a nice brown.

By the time he was done with everything, the pans were slightly burnt and the toast was blackened on the edges. The eggs were a little mangled, but the sausage was actually decent. Kyuhyun glanced at the clock, seeing that it was almost time for Ryeowook to wake up.

Setting everything on a tray, Kyuhyun poured a glass of strawberry-orange juice and added that as well. He went to the fridge, opening the bottom drawer and pulling out a small bouquet of flowers he had prepared the night before. Tucking the flowers under one arm, he lifted the tray of food and hurried to the bedroom.

Just as he opened the door, Ryeowook’s alarm was going off and the male was robotically shutting it off in a matter of seconds. His head rose and he rubbed his eyes. Kyuhyun watched him for a short moment and then smiled, setting the plate of food down on the empty side of the bed.

Coming up next to his lover, Kyuhyun lifted the bouquet up, holding it in front of Ryeowook. It took a moment for the fragrant bouquet to register, but when it did, the sleepiness faded from his face and he broke into a smile. “Are these for me?” he asked, taking them and looking up at Kyuhyun.

“Happy birthday,” he responded, kissing the side of Ryeowook’s head, “I worked really hard on breakfast.”

Ryeowook looked over to the sloppy array of food and chuckled. “I can tell,” he promised, turning his head to get a kiss on his lips.

Kyuhyun obliged without much hesitation, grinning and holding the side of his drowsy fiancé’s face.

 

_D-20 until the Wedding_

Ryeowook pinned Kyuhyun back against the bed sheets, a crazed look in his eyes.

“Feisty tonight, aren’t we?” Kyuhyun drawled, trying to hide his grin. He lied back lazily, not fighting the aggressive grip on his wrists. “I mean, I don’t mind you dominating once in a while, so long as I’m still the one on top.”

“Tell me what you’re doing,” Ryeowook growled, settling his weight on his fiancé. “You can’t do this to me Kyuhyun…I _need_ to know what you’re doing to the wedding.”

“Maybe I’ll tell you if I get something out of it,” he teased.

Ryeowook made a frustrated noise, pushing Kyuhyun back into the sheets roughly. “Please, Kyu-ah? I’m dying to know. I can’t sleep…I can’t eat…I’m so nervous.”

Sighing, he rolled them over, holding Ryeowook back. “Just trust me,” Kyuhyun kissed his throat, nibbling softly at the flesh. The silver bracelet on his wrist jingled, catching Ryeowook’s attention. His eyes softened and Kyuhyun kissed him once on the lips before bringing the bracelet up and kissing the cool silver faintly. “You trust me…don’t you?”

“Yes…,” Ryeowook mumbled, reaching up to cradle the bracelet. He smiled at it tenderly. On his finger was the original wedding band Kyuhyun had presented him with in Paris. It glinted against the bracelet’s reflective surface, bouncing light off the band encircling Kyuhyun’s finger.

“Then just let things go. I’ll take care of it all,” he assured.

There was a mixture of emotions in his eyes, but then he seemed to calm down and close his eyes. “Fine…fine, okay.” Ryeowook pulled Kyuhyun down to him. “Distract me…?”

“Never,” he scoffed, brushing his lips against Ryeowook’s, “I’ll love you, though.”

 

_D-10 until the Wedding_

Kyuhyun pressed his hand against Ryeowook’s curious eyes. “Ah, ah, ah, no looking,” he scolded, taking the notebook off the table and tucking it into his back pocket.

“Jerk,” Ryeowook muttered, staring longingly after the planner.

 

_D-9 until the Wedding_

“Is this a ploy?” Kyuhyun eyed him skeptically.

“No, I just wanted to go on a date,” Ryeowook frowned, holding blue cotton candy. He tore off a piece, offering it to his lover.

Smiling, Kyuhyun opened his mouth, taking the sweet candy.

 

_D-8 until the Wedding_

“…I didn’t mean to.”

“You so meant to.”

“I wouldn’t do something like that!” Ryeowook argued.

Kyuhyun made a face. “You gave him a black eye and a broken nose.”

“He lied about having those flowers in stock…”

 

_D-7 until the Wedding_

Ryeowook kicked his feet, lying on his stomach as he flipped through a magazine. The windows were open, letting in some night air. The front door clicked open and he perked up, lifting his head.

A drunken Kyuhyun staggered inside, falling down on the bed. “Gimme a kisch…,” he slurred, swatting at the air.

His fiancé raised an eyebrow, backing away. “Don’t think so,” Ryeowook shook his head, “was the bachelor party fun?”

“S’okay,” Kyuhyun muttered, seemingly ready to pass out any second.

“Good,” Ryeowook chuckled, waiting until Kyuhyun was sleeping and harmless to move him into a proper sleeping position.

 

_D-6 until the Wedding_

“Are you really going out with a group of women?” Kyuhyun’s brow furrowed.

“Well, I didn’t want a bachelor’s party that was crazy like yours,” Ryeowook shrugged, “Girls are a bit tamer I think.”

 

_D-5 until the Wedding (1:30 A.M.)_

The door flew open and Ryeowook tumbled inside, his clothes disheveled and hair a sexed up mess. His eyes were filled with horror and disgust.

Kyuhyun was sitting in their bed, flipping through the planner in his hands. “Not tame?” he questioned.

“Not tame,” Ryeowook shook his head, hobbling unsteadily to the bathroom, “I need a shower.”

 

_D-4 until the Wedding_

“This is the best idea you’ve ever had,” Ryeowook sighed, smiling deliriously into the cushions as skilled hands massaged his body.

Kyuhyun was beside him, getting the same mind-blowing treatment. “Fuck yes…,” he groaned, eyes fluttering closed.

 

_D-3 until the Wedding_

“I’m surprised you’re so calm,” Kyuhyun admitted, gazing at the male who was cooking dinner. “You’re usually a busy bee at these times.”

Ryeowook turned the heat off on the stove. “You took away my work, so I really don’t have anything to do but wait.”

“Is it because you trust me so much?”

His eyes trailed down to the bracelet Kyuhyun never took off. “I trust you more than anyone else in this world,” Ryeowook met his gaze, “you already know that though.”

Kyuhyun blushed faintly. “Yeah…I do,” he touched the bracelet absently, always feeling the weight of its meaning.

 

_D-2 until the Wedding_

Changmin walked down the street with Kyuhyun. “He’s really not hovering around you?”

“He’s keeping himself in check with books, cooking, self-treatment beauty remedies, and sleeping,” Kyuhyun explained.

“Wow, he’s trying really hard.”

Kyuhyun nodded, chuckling. “I’m surprised that he’s lasted so long without murdering me.”

Changmin laughed nervously. “Don’t put that possibility behind you.”

 

_D-1 until the Wedding_

“Shouldn’t we be doing something productive today? Like maybe last minute things or something?” Ryeowook complained as he lied in Kyuhyun’s arms.

It was already mid-afternoon, but they had yet to find their way out of bed. Clothes had been discarded a long time ago, the only thing keeping them somewhat clothed were the sheets. Limbs were tangled and hair was messy, but neither was truly bothered by it.

“Let’s spend today lazily,” Kyuhyun murmured, nibbling on his throat, “I want to treasure it…the last day we have as just lovers.”

Ryeowook leaned back against Kyuhyun more, feeling his arms tighten. “…Okay,” he mumbled, smiling and dozing off in the comfort of his future husband.

 


	48. Chapter 48

 

“Don’t be too loud,” Dae-Jung hushed the other boy.

They peeked around the corner, and seeing no one there, they raced ahead, diving into their shared bedroom. The younger of the two wiped sweat from his forehead, grinning at Dae-Jung, “Hyung, that was awesome!”

“Of course it was,” he boasted lightly, chuckling and sliding the DVD into the player. “You really wanted to see this, so I had to do it for you.” He ruffled the boy’s hair, leaning back as the video began playing.

 

_The beach and guests were dyed sunset orange. Changmin stood at the front of the gathering of people, hands clasped behind his back formally. Beside him, Kyuhyun stood nervously, his sleek black tux making him infinitely more handsome. A procession of figures trailed down the aisle, all of them only adding to the extravagant scene._

_White balloons and confetti fluttered around in the air, never quite settling in one place. Rose petals in pink and red littered the white, make-shift walkway upon the sand. Gusts were boxed into their seats with thick satin ribbon and bouquets of red, white, pink, and pearls._

_Every guest wore a pin of red on their body and a ring of flowers upon their heads. Kyuhyun fiddled with his hands, only stopping when Changmin appeared to make a snarky remark._

“Is that you, hyung?” the boy asked, blinking at Dae-Jung, who in turn, grinned and laughed.

“Yeah, that was me,” he affirmed.

 

_Music began playing through the small ceremony. Soon enough, there was a change in Kyuhyun’s expression, his eyes becoming more sober and sweeter. He straightened up as a white-clad male took measured steps down the aisle._

_Their eyes never left one another, even as words were spoken and rings were exchanged._

It didn’t seem like they were at a wedding anymore. There was something else – a barrier of sorts – that surrounded the newlyweds.

“Kyu-Appa is handsome,” the little boy stated in awe, giggling when he watched his parents kiss. “What are they doing?”

Dae-Jung made a face at the kiss. “It’s something gross that adults do. Don’t worry about it.”

“Oh…okay,” he nodded, reaching for the older boy’s hand, holding it tightly as he started jumping a little. “Look, look! They’re talking!”

 

_Ryeowook took one of Kyuhyun’s hands, gazing up at him so tentatively and intimately, the crowd seemed to be quieter than pure silence._

_“Kyuhyun…,” he uttered softly, “thank you for showing me how to trust again, and love again. You’re the last person who will ever make a place in my heart. If I ever lost you, that would be the true end. Saying goodbye to Hyungsik was inevitable, and if I had to say goodbye to you as well, I don’t think I could. I would rather disappear than continue struggling to repair myself over and over again in this world. You aren’t my one and only, but you’re the one who changes everything: reconstructs my world, lifts me up, and reminds me that maybe not everything has to be a tragedy. There can be happiness at the end of darkness, so long as someone’s willing to wait right at the edge for you.”_

 

“Are they talking about me?” the little boy pointed at himself, eyes wide with fear, “Why did Ryeo-Appa say bye-bye to me?”

Dae-Jung, in 9 years of wisdom, said, “It’s not you, Little Hyungsik-ah. They’re talking about the one you were named after.” He smiled, hugging the six year old child, “Your parents named you after my older brother.”

“Really? Where’s Big Hyungsik-hyung then?”

“He lives on a hill,” Dae-Jung replied, “we visit him every summer, so we’ll take you this time, okay?”

Hyungsik nodded earnestly, seemingly giddy.

 

_Kyuhyun dropped his paper, abruptly hugging Ryeowook. The other male laughed softly, returning the bone-crushing hug gently. “You make me fall for you again and again, every day of my life.”_

_He leaned down, tilting Ryeowook’s head back as they kissed to the cheers and explosions of confetti and rice._

The video paused.

“What are you two doing?” Kyuhyun’s voice came from behind them. He was carrying a bag of groceries and a very large giraffe stuffed animal in his other arm. His eyes focused on the screen more clearly and he blanched. “Oh don’t tell me you’re watching _this_. It’s so old and cheesy.”

“Are you calling our vows cheesy and old?”

Kyuhyun froze, turning around to see Ryeowook glaring up at him. Smiling hopefully, he offered the giraffe to his spouse, but received an eye-roll and pout. Ryeowook walked ahead of him. Kyuhyun glanced back at the kids, “It’s your fault he’s made now.”

“Don’t blame us for your mistakes, appa,” Hyungsik stated severely, “that’s bad.”

Dae-Jung stifled a laugh, grinning at Kyuhyun. “Yeah! Don’t blame us.”

“You snotty little—”

“—are you bullying my babies?”

Kyuhyun’s mouth shut. “No…,” he whined.

Ryeowook reappeared with an apron around his waist and an annoyed glare in his eyes. “I’m sure.” He pushed Kyuhyun aside, waving for Dae-Jung and Hyungsik to come over. “Let’s go to the kitchen. I’m making lunch, okay?”

Hyungsik flew at his parent, giggling as he was hoisted up into Ryeowook’s arms. “Appa! Appa! You were so pretty!” He started talking a mile a minute about the wedding, tugging on his father’s hair out of excitement.

 

When Kyuhyun turned around after putting the groceries down on the counter, he saw Dae-Jung standing there, looking up at him. “What’s up, kiddo?” he crouched down, patting the boy’s head.

Dae-Jung grinned, quickly hugging the man. “I love you, Kyuhyun-hyung.”

“I love you too,” he chuckled, lifting the boy up with ease. Kyuhyun brought him to the table where Hyungsik and Ryeowook were busily making sandwiches together. Setting him down in the seat next to the little boy, Kyuhyun walked around to stand behind Ryeowook.

The two kids were chatting excitedly about something or other, and when they were turned away, Kyuhyun tipped his husband’s head back, silver bracelet jingling near Ryeowook’s ear, and then he kissed him softly and sweetly. “I’ve fallen for you all over again.”

Ryeowook just smiled, keeping Kyuhyun’s hand on his shoulder as he turned back to the food and the children were focusing on their task once more.

 

The End.

 


End file.
